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re: People who get married and choose not to have kids

Posted on 1/23/26 at 11:32 am to
Posted by 777Tiger
Member since Mar 2011
92260 posts
Posted on 1/23/26 at 11:32 am to
quote:

I mean I’ve seen the movie The Big Chill and have offered to assist, but no takers yet.


same here, and I assure everyone that I'm carrying the hi-test stuff
Posted by slidingstop
Member since Jan 2025
2295 posts
Posted on 1/23/26 at 11:34 am to
quote:

While the sentiment might sort of be true, to an extent, the reinforcement by culture and consumerism is what makes it possible to feel ok about doing it.

We just dont shame people enough anymore.

Look, kids arent supposed to be easy. They are supposed to be the thing you would sacrifice everything for...which innately will change you as a human being. And make you a better human being.

Having kids, when you really had to have them or die, forced people to be different.

Now, people can choose the comfort and the "no sacrifice" route, which often just leads to poor results.


What an arrogant, smarmy thing to say. Would you shame the woman who cannot get pregnant? Or the woman who cannot carry a fetus to term?
I've been a productive, contributing member of society for my entire adult life, as has my wife, and would gladly stack my existence and contributions up against yours, despite the fact that I am childless. And based off the hubris of your post, I can all but guarantee you I am a better human being than you.
Posted by Stiles
Member since Sep 2017
3458 posts
Posted on 1/23/26 at 11:37 am to
quote:

isnt the whole point of marriage to start a family?

What brought you to this thinking? Because the history of marriage has a lot more of its roots in property and asset accumulation/protection than it ever did in producing offspring.
Posted by dyslexiateechur
Louisiana
Member since Jan 2009
36470 posts
Posted on 1/23/26 at 11:38 am to
You do start a family when you get married. Husband and wife qualify as a family.
Posted by Giantkiller
the internet.
Member since Sep 2007
25448 posts
Posted on 1/23/26 at 11:38 am to
I have very close family and scores of married friends who do not have kids. Honestly I don't think any of them got into marriage with plans to never have them, but sometimes life throws you different curves.

Bill Murray nails it in Lost In Translation. "Your life, as you know it, is GONE - never to return..."

Posted by deltadummy
Member since Mar 2025
2525 posts
Posted on 1/23/26 at 11:40 am to
This take again?
Posted by DownshiftAndFloorIt
Here
Member since Jan 2011
72094 posts
Posted on 1/23/26 at 11:41 am to
Everyone needs to watch the opening segment of Idiocracy to get a quick overview of how this will work out for western civilization.
Posted by Odysseus32
Member since Dec 2009
10043 posts
Posted on 1/23/26 at 11:41 am to
quote:

I really dont get the point in this, isnt the whole point of marriage to start a family?


Yeah, seems like you certainly don't get it.

You get married because you love someone and don't want to spend the rest of your life without them.

Any other reason is why the divorce rate is so high. You don't marry someone because you're lusting after them. Not because they come from a good family. Not because they fit what you think you have going on.

quote:

Like you pretty much become roommates where someone, usually the man, still gets assfricked in the inevitable divorce.


I've been married close to a decade, there's no roommate stuff going on with us.

We have decided to try to have a baby. It might not happen and we are okay with that, because we made the decision together.
Posted by DesScorp
Alabama
Member since Sep 2017
10295 posts
Posted on 1/23/26 at 11:42 am to
quote:

Not all people are fit to be parents.


The irony being that if you could subtract the selfishness, DINC’s would make great parents: smart, organized, educated, motivated. They'd be great at teaching self reliance and self improvement.
Posted by Pettifogger
I don't really care, Margaret
Member since Feb 2012
87349 posts
Posted on 1/23/26 at 11:42 am to
quote:

What brought you to this thinking? Because the history of marriage has a lot more of its roots in property and asset accumulation/protection than it ever did in producing offspring.



Having heirs is pretty inseparably intertwined with this concept.
Posted by madamsquirrel
The big somewhere out there
Member since Jul 2009
56245 posts
Posted on 1/23/26 at 11:43 am to
My husband loves having the grandbabies over. I am not sure he loves our vacations now being kid centered
Posted by BluegrassBelle
RIP Hefty Lefty - 1981-2019
Member since Nov 2010
108008 posts
Posted on 1/23/26 at 11:44 am to
Me and my fiance at this point are old enough (40s) that we won't be having biological kids (I'll have a step kid who is 17). And I have medical issues that would've likely made it impossible to carry a child anyway.

Who says divorce is inevitable? If you go into a marriage thinking that then you've likely failed from the jump. And no, we're not just "roommates".

The biggest thing for us at this point is the protections that marriage provides should one of us get sick or worse. There is also plenty of statistics out there regarding mental health when you're in a happy, healthy relationship that shows the benefits.

I genuinely feel sorry for folks who look at marriage the way you are OP.
Posted by LSUcajun77
New Orleans
Member since Nov 2008
24359 posts
Posted on 1/23/26 at 11:44 am to
Children are a blessing, but some might say those folks are living the life.

quote:

They have a life companion but aren't burdened with fhe trials and responsibilities of parenthood.

They can travel and spend their money with less concern.

I'd say those folks are living the life


We know. We all “lived the life”, if that’s what you call life without children. I think I’m actually living now, with a purpose, having a child.
But you don’t need to get married to do any of those things.
Unless you’re super religious and don’t have premarital sex. But give me a break, most of the people the OP is talking about isn’t following that.

Minus the religious aspect, getting married is just a piece of paper. You can “live the life” with a partner and just be in love.
Posted by 777Tiger
Member since Mar 2011
92260 posts
Posted on 1/23/26 at 11:45 am to
quote:

I am not sure he loves our vacations now being kid centered


not sure I would either, but I guess when/if you actually have them maybe it changes the way you feel about it
Posted by Funky Tide 8
Bayou Chico
Member since Feb 2009
56861 posts
Posted on 1/23/26 at 11:46 am to
quote:

That's what my aunt and uncle did.

They're 83 now... and pretty much alone but for each other. I don't even think they like each other.

They have gotten more miserable the older they've gotten... they do all kinds of stuff, but don't seem to enjoy it. They go on Alaska cruises and take pictures of sleeping strangers... the photos they used to share with us was always pictures of plants or their newest Elvis knickknack.


You think that this existence is exclusive to couples who didn't have children??
Posted by Captain Rumbeard
Member since Jan 2014
7149 posts
Posted on 1/23/26 at 11:47 am to
Honestly most of the folks enthusiastically making babies these days I wish would follow this route instead.
Posted by madamsquirrel
The big somewhere out there
Member since Jul 2009
56245 posts
Posted on 1/23/26 at 11:48 am to
quote:

The biggest thing for us at this point is the protections that marriage provides should one of us get sick or worse. There is also plenty of statistics out there regarding mental health when you're in a happy, healthy relationship that shows the benefits.
we have no children together also and would absolutely still be married for these reasons even if we did not have children from previous marriage.
Posted by P0SEIDON
Member since Apr 2014
359 posts
Posted on 1/23/26 at 11:51 am to
quote:

Having heirs is pretty inseparably intertwined with this concept.

Since when you can’t have heirs unless they were born inside a marriage??
Posted by HogPharmer
Member since Jun 2022
3765 posts
Posted on 1/23/26 at 11:51 am to
In the last 2 years, my gf and I have travelled to Dallas, Orlando, New Orleans, Edinburgh & the Highlands of Scotland, Vienna Austria, and Mexico twice.


Have fun spending all of your spare change on gate fees for a baseball tournament in Southhaven, MS and a trip once a year to Gulf Shores.
Posted by Boston911
Lafayette
Member since Dec 2013
2488 posts
Posted on 1/23/26 at 11:54 am to
quote:

I really dont get the point in this
It wasn’t for us. Neither of us wanted kids and now we are retired, sitting on enough funds where we can do what we want as much as we want and we having a blast
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