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Started By
Message
re: Parents of the OT...and ONLY parents of the OT....dealing with a kid and discouragement
Posted on 3/16/21 at 9:04 pm to When in Rome
Posted on 3/16/21 at 9:04 pm to When in Rome
quote:
A lot of the podcasters I listen to rave about Brazilian Jiu Jitsu for this reason. It builds character and humbles its students.
If I ever had another son I'd get him into Jiu Jitsu no doubt
1
Posted on 3/16/21 at 9:04 pm to Putty
A lot of good advice in this thread.
Posted on 3/16/21 at 9:04 pm to When in Rome
quote:
humbles
Very important - humility isn’t something that’s just acquired when there’s so much immediate gratification like Pedro said
Posted on 3/16/21 at 9:06 pm to GreenRockTiger
There’s probably something to be said for a balance between the two (pure humility and a sense of achievement). I don’t think it’s problematic to point out little successes to train the brain to recognize patterns, but I also see value in teaching humility.
Posted on 3/16/21 at 9:14 pm to tgrbaitn08
quote:
If I ever had another son I'd get him into Jiu Jitsu no doubt
Was offered this, actually. But gonna wrestle this issue first. Pun intended.
Posted on 3/16/21 at 9:21 pm to Prominentwon
quote:
Was offered this, actually. But gonna wrestle this issue first. Pun intended.
I'd stick with it and dont let him tap out....Pun intended.
Posted on 3/16/21 at 9:23 pm to Prominentwon
If I ever find that gif, again, I'm running here with it.
You should own it with a NFT.
You should own it with a NFT.
Posted on 3/16/21 at 9:23 pm to tgrbaitn08
Watch as this thread quickly devolves into corny dad jokes 
Posted on 3/16/21 at 9:27 pm to Mingo Was His NameO
quote:My son tried to embarrass the hell out of me when he was that age after his team lost a baseball game.
You can't have him out there throwing fits when he does lose
I made him apologize to his teammates & coaches and I made him run bases for 20 minutes after the game, and 20 minutes after every practice till the next game, where he was allowed to prove he could show good sportsmanship.
Posted on 3/16/21 at 9:29 pm to Prominentwon
Do not let him quit, its not the winning but the learning at that stage. The harder he works and understands the craft, dedication and work ethic involved winning will become the norm.
If it was easy everyone would do it, its the ones that learn, grow and persevere that win.
If it was easy everyone would do it, its the ones that learn, grow and persevere that win.
Posted on 3/16/21 at 9:42 pm to Prominentwon
Seems like you didn’t kick his arse in enough things when he was younger.
And I say that sort of jokingly, and sort of not. Based on what you’re saying, he can’t handle losing at something. And he needs to. Also needs to learn to stick with things he commits to. And if you’re trying to meet it head on you’ll have to show him a) how to lose, and b) that losing is okay. It’s okay to always want to win, as long as you can still handle losing and still be a good sport about the situation.
I hope to teach my son the same shite. I plan on beating him often, just like my dad did to me when I was a kid.
And I say that sort of jokingly, and sort of not. Based on what you’re saying, he can’t handle losing at something. And he needs to. Also needs to learn to stick with things he commits to. And if you’re trying to meet it head on you’ll have to show him a) how to lose, and b) that losing is okay. It’s okay to always want to win, as long as you can still handle losing and still be a good sport about the situation.
I hope to teach my son the same shite. I plan on beating him often, just like my dad did to me when I was a kid.
Posted on 3/16/21 at 9:45 pm to Prominentwon
Attitude and Action
It’s a classic challenge for a parent to see a child suffer, and ironic to expect them to deal with it while we can’t. It’s tuff. Tell him all he can control is his ATTITUDE and influence/ACTION on the situation, that the outcome is out of his control. The same advice to you. Let him feel the pain, feel yours, let him know it’s not ok now, but it will be ok and he can feel a certain way and able to act another (ATTITUDE). Show him how you are feeling and acting differently. Feeling frustrated but acting diligent/hopeful/motivated/ or thankful..... just be there for them.
Now practical. When dealing with emotions, it’s great to divide and conquer. Many reasons he may be upset, but they all seem as one. Try to tease them out and get him to rate them on a scale 1-10. It may be that he is worried about letting his team down, being called out by the coach (embarrassed), or that winning is the only way to get validation from a parent. This will help him to develop his emotions, which is the definition of adulthood, and give you a framework in the future to work trough problems and fulfill your ACTION.
It’s a classic challenge for a parent to see a child suffer, and ironic to expect them to deal with it while we can’t. It’s tuff. Tell him all he can control is his ATTITUDE and influence/ACTION on the situation, that the outcome is out of his control. The same advice to you. Let him feel the pain, feel yours, let him know it’s not ok now, but it will be ok and he can feel a certain way and able to act another (ATTITUDE). Show him how you are feeling and acting differently. Feeling frustrated but acting diligent/hopeful/motivated/ or thankful..... just be there for them.
Now practical. When dealing with emotions, it’s great to divide and conquer. Many reasons he may be upset, but they all seem as one. Try to tease them out and get him to rate them on a scale 1-10. It may be that he is worried about letting his team down, being called out by the coach (embarrassed), or that winning is the only way to get validation from a parent. This will help him to develop his emotions, which is the definition of adulthood, and give you a framework in the future to work trough problems and fulfill your ACTION.
This post was edited on 3/16/21 at 9:51 pm
Posted on 3/16/21 at 9:49 pm to Prominentwon
If he's not enjoying it, why force it on him? All you're going to do is make him miserable...
Posted on 3/16/21 at 10:08 pm to Prominentwon
I am NOT talking about this scenario/your kid specifically ...
But. It’s a trend.
And you can tie suicide rates to it.
Kids need to be able to handle losing/failing.
Let him lose. Let him fail. Don’t baby him. Tell him sometimes he loses and he needs to figure it out.
But. It’s a trend.
And you can tie suicide rates to it.
Kids need to be able to handle losing/failing.
Let him lose. Let him fail. Don’t baby him. Tell him sometimes he loses and he needs to figure it out.
Posted on 3/16/21 at 10:12 pm to Prominentwon
Well I have a 10 year old like this and an 8 year old who things come natural for and he has a stupid good work ethic, so I feel your pain.
My oldest doesn't want to quit or anything, he just doesn't put in the work it takes to be good. I simply have told him he can't quit because he committed and he has to learn that some things will not come natural to him and he has to out work the other kids.
I had to explain that other kids struggle with things he finds very simple i.e. school.
He finally understood and has been working his arse off to get better.
Only thing I can tell you is just keep pushing.
My oldest doesn't want to quit or anything, he just doesn't put in the work it takes to be good. I simply have told him he can't quit because he committed and he has to learn that some things will not come natural to him and he has to out work the other kids.
I had to explain that other kids struggle with things he finds very simple i.e. school.
He finally understood and has been working his arse off to get better.
Only thing I can tell you is just keep pushing.
Posted on 3/16/21 at 10:14 pm to Prominentwon
quote:
8 year old
Just let him do what he’s good at, it’ll build confidence so he can tackle thing he isn’t. 8 is young to be competitive, it should simply be skill learning at this point. 12-13 is the age to put it all together and start competitions.
Posted on 3/16/21 at 10:38 pm to Tiger Ryno
quote:
The kid I played with my whole life who had the worst emotional control of anyone I knew, crying and throwing his glove during games and so forth ended up becoming a major leaguer.
Jim Pankovits??
Posted on 3/16/21 at 10:44 pm to Prominentwon
My six year old daughter is the most athletic kid on her soccer team by a mile and doesn’t care to try. If she keeps it up, she’ll be doing gassers after games and missing dinners.
Posted on 3/16/21 at 10:45 pm to Prominentwon
quote:
But at the moment, it’s wrestling.
That's a tougher situation because sometimes it's technique and other times it's the other kid was stronger. Usually the latter when younger.
Just tell him every loss makes you better, if he's not losing occasionally he's not learning.
This post was edited on 3/16/21 at 10:46 pm
Posted on 3/16/21 at 10:57 pm to Prominentwon
All kids are different, and react differently to failure. Hate to say it, but you need to let him know that while you understand he is upset, that throwing a tantrum, and acting like an arse will not be tolerated.
Learned that on my own, bc I couldn’t stand losing.
Remind him that even the best athletes in the world have experienced failure on all levels. That they had to make the decision to build from it, work harder, and become better as a result, or let it totally deflate them.
In the end it may just come down to the fact that they may not be that good at that particular activity. Rather than let them beat themselves up over it try and redirect them. Tell him there are plenty of other sports out there that he may be better suited for, or like more.
Learned that on my own, bc I couldn’t stand losing.
Remind him that even the best athletes in the world have experienced failure on all levels. That they had to make the decision to build from it, work harder, and become better as a result, or let it totally deflate them.
In the end it may just come down to the fact that they may not be that good at that particular activity. Rather than let them beat themselves up over it try and redirect them. Tell him there are plenty of other sports out there that he may be better suited for, or like more.
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