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re: Parents, any of your kids have severe anxiety?

Posted on 8/28/24 at 6:55 am to
Posted by Suntiger
STG or BR or somewhere else
Member since Feb 2007
35783 posts
Posted on 8/28/24 at 6:55 am to
I recently read The Anxious Generation which is more of a research paper than a book. Discusses how children now are more anxious and depressed, and they don’t have social skills to handle it because of helicopter/safety parents and social media’s impact on relationships. Lot of data and research showing it is a systemic problem.

Best of luck!
Posted by zippyputt
Member since Jul 2005
6857 posts
Posted on 8/28/24 at 6:57 am to
A good Psychologist or Therapist that she is comfortable with can probably help with that. They see it and deal with it all the time. They can probably give her lots of “tools” to help deal with it. There are lots of good young therapists these days. Good luck.
This post was edited on 8/28/24 at 8:18 pm
Posted by TDTOM
Member since Jan 2021
24873 posts
Posted on 8/28/24 at 6:58 am to
Go see a psychiatrist who can prescribe medicine. They will find the correct dosage. It has made a world of difference in my daughter.
Posted by St Augustine
The Pauper of the Surf
Member since Mar 2006
71158 posts
Posted on 8/28/24 at 6:59 am to
My middle child and only girl (9) is pretty anxious. I can see it on her face when it happens. It’s tough to get through to them in that state but I’ve found the absolute best thing is to go through with her and try to deconstruct what she’s actually afraid of. She fights it sometimes and sometimes it takes a few days.

Usually it’s a very trivial thing that she’s blown out of proportion and we have to somehow let her know and her work it out that it’s not actually dangerous. Also have her playing soccer at a fairly high level at her age with has given her a good outlet and sense of camaraderie with her team.

It’s all easier said than done at times but she’s gotten better at it. This world they’re growing up in is a lot different than the one we did.
This post was edited on 8/28/24 at 7:04 am
Posted by tigergal918
Member since Feb 2022
375 posts
Posted on 8/28/24 at 7:08 am to
Our oldest daughter suffers from severe anxiety. Had several panic attacks in middle school, but was able to work thru it. She is a high level athlete & last year, her junior year, suffered two severe injuries back to back & anxiety, understandably, went thru the roof. She was on the brink of a break down. To the point we were worried about her safety. Got her in with a dr & put her on a very low dose of meds & she’s like a different kid. I wish we would’ve done something earlier. She knows it’s not a quick fix & still has to deal with problems, but it keeps those panic feelings at bay. Just listen to your kiddo & don’t write her feelings off.
Posted by Jimbojambojumbo
Member since Mar 2022
485 posts
Posted on 8/28/24 at 7:11 am to
quote:

Our middle child had pretty bad social anxiety. His first day of school once we arrived he ran and hid under a large table. He looked like a caged animal.


Went through something similar with my son when he was in first grade. He would seem ok in the morning and then about 5 minutes before it was time to leave for school, he would just panic and “freak out” (for lack of a better word). He would get in the corner of the bathtub and cry and scream if we tried to get him out. He literally looked like a cornered animal. It was horrifying.

We didn’t medicate him though it was suggested. We found some routines that helped him calm his nerves in the morning and gave him time to figure his way through the stress. It was a long year but he got through.

Posted by meauxses
Member since Nov 2012
2896 posts
Posted on 8/28/24 at 7:11 am to
Did you miss this part?

quote:

We tried talking to her to see if it was one particilar thing she like and she said everything was horrible.
Posted by lsuCJ5
Holly Springs, NC
Member since Nov 2012
1067 posts
Posted on 8/28/24 at 7:11 am to
thanks for the positive replies. This has been a long road for us. We did not want to on meds either but after trial and error or everything including counseling it was something we had to try. We have tried different meds and dosages, but it is still not right. She is very involved in sports and has a lot of friends. Both my wife and i are very supportive and are there for her. She is typically VERY active and does not sit under a blanket watching an iPad all day.

Those who have downvoted or said we are just drugging her; I hope you never have to deal with a child suffering with this. It is truly heartbreaking to see this.
Posted by StringedInstruments
Member since Oct 2013
20618 posts
Posted on 8/28/24 at 7:24 am to
quote:

Looking for any advice guys.


Screen time.
Diet (excessive sugar or processed foods).
Sleep quality.
Life experiences.
Exercise.

It’s not easy, but I would start there. If you can’t write out how your kid is doing well in those areas, I would create a plan for trying to improve them. There are a few books out right now that overview how childhood has significantly changed over the last ten years (not to mention the last 30 but the last ten has been the most drastic) leading to negative impacts on development. The Anxious Generation is focused on screen time, but it still provides a good introduction to what’s going on. I think screens combined with nutrition, lack of outside exercise/play, sleep quality (due to lack of exercise/play and screens), and a lack of familial/social/cultural experiences is causing kids to struggle with mental health issues at a much higher rate than ever.

Counseling is a must but be careful who you go to. There’s starting to be a shift in the literature about naming behaviors and characteristics as “disorders” for kids at a young age. For example, don’t tell your kid they have panic attacks and let them internalize that they have panic attacks. They need to learn coping mechanisms without associating them with a disorder, which implies it’s out of their control.

Good luck with it. It’s never easy having a kid with those kinds of issues. We had a major issue with our kindergartner last year, but things can get better.
Posted by Salmon
I helped draft the email
Member since Feb 2008
85472 posts
Posted on 8/28/24 at 7:30 am to
I also have a 11 year old daughter.

I thing that we do that I consider the most important part of our day is me and her go on a walk every evening. Just me and her. Its usually about 2 miles.

This accomplishes lots of things like exercise and outdoor time, but most importantly, it gives me and her 1 on 1 time. Kids really open up and talk when its just you and them.

She is entering that age that she doesn't always want to readily talk to us anymore, but on our evenings walks, she talks non stop.

Just a suggestion that works for us.

Hang in there man. The next few years are probably going to be rough, but if you are consistent and there for her, she will make it through.

Posted by sidewalkside
rent free in yo head
Member since Sep 2021
4358 posts
Posted on 8/28/24 at 7:33 am to
quote:

Anxiety my arse.

Kids these days are soft and need tough love! So glad my kids are grown. I hate the word anxiety.


in 99% of the cases I agree with you. Sure some people/kids may needs meds...but the rest need a reality dose. Grab some sack (if you're a dude) and get going with life.
Posted by danilo
Member since Nov 2008
24924 posts
Posted on 8/28/24 at 7:34 am to
quote:

We have her on ADHD medicine

The pharmacy industry thanks you for keeping the stock price up! ADHD is a scam and you fell for it.
This post was edited on 8/28/24 at 7:35 am
Posted by willeaux
Member since Jan 2006
2980 posts
Posted on 8/28/24 at 7:34 am to
Man that’s awesome. I hope yall keep that up.
Posted by Mushroom1968
Shreveport
Member since Jun 2023
5396 posts
Posted on 8/28/24 at 7:34 am to
OP, is the anxiety something she'd dealt with most of her life? Middle school can be brutal on kids but especially girls. My daughter had a rough 6-9th grade but everything calmed down around sophomore year. My son had a rough 7th and 8th grade. My youngest is in 7th grade but he's more chill than my other kids are. Maybe it's just the age?
This post was edited on 8/28/24 at 7:37 am
Posted by Warfox
B.R. Native (now in MA)
Member since Apr 2017
3771 posts
Posted on 8/28/24 at 7:35 am to
ADHD meds gave me severe anxiety, but to each their own; it activated my fight or flight system big time.

I was just like your kid, went to small quaint elementary schools then BAM Sherwood Middle School with hordes of kids in a school 5x as large, culture included.

I had a major hyperventilating panic attack at the beginning of school, and an amazing teacher saved me, and brought me back down to earth.

Speak to guidance if you haven’t already.
Posted by TomballTiger
Htown
Member since Jan 2007
3970 posts
Posted on 8/28/24 at 7:36 am to
Thanks John Wayne. Tool
Posted by SmelvinRat
Slumwoody
Member since Oct 2015
1974 posts
Posted on 8/28/24 at 7:37 am to
Middle School adjustment is unbelievably hard- especially for girls. My oldest had anxiety that she hid/didn't talk to her mother and me about...now she's 20, blames me for everything (I mean everything), and still has bad anxiety + anger issues. We just got her to agree to counseling - she balked for years. Start now with a good counselor - it might take a couple to find one that she connects with. Good luck.
Posted by sidewalkside
rent free in yo head
Member since Sep 2021
4358 posts
Posted on 8/28/24 at 7:37 am to
quote:

Cling to God and have her around good people at church


Do you honestly think this is the best approach? Cling to god???
Posted by The Mick
Member since Oct 2010
44931 posts
Posted on 8/28/24 at 7:41 am to
She might be getting bullied, look into it.
Posted by BottomlandBrew
Member since Aug 2010
29338 posts
Posted on 8/28/24 at 7:43 am to
I look at my kids and the world they have to grow up in, and then I remember back to the world I grew up in, and I think, "Thank God I don't have to be a kid these days." I'm at just the right age where I grew up both before and after the digital explosion. If I had to do it all over again, you better believe I'm taking the pre-digital world to grow up in.

This post was edited on 8/28/24 at 7:46 am
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