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Posted on 2/19/18 at 10:17 am to bird35
Looks like he has one show scheduled for las vegas April 13th
Posted on 2/19/18 at 11:23 am to Shotgun Willie
I put a Telescope on my peephole, so I can see who is coming from miles away......who is it? who's it gonna be when you get here?
Posted on 2/19/18 at 11:28 am to Thracken13
I have a life size map of the US. One mile equals one mile.
People ask me where I live, I tell them "E-5"
People ask me where I live, I tell them "E-5"
Posted on 2/19/18 at 11:32 am to FightinTigersDammit
Drove by a gas station.
There was a sign "Self Service. Help Wanted."
So I went in and hired myself.
There was a sign "Self Service. Help Wanted."
So I went in and hired myself.
Posted on 2/19/18 at 11:33 am to theunknownknight
I went to the store and there was a sign that said "Pet Supplies".
So I did.
In the parking lot there was a sign that said "Compact Cars"
So I did.
In the parking lot there was a sign that said "Compact Cars"
Posted on 2/19/18 at 12:21 pm to Lithium
quote:
A lot of stand up comedians have stopped performing because of the PC Climate and offending somebody
Not really
Posted on 2/19/18 at 1:04 pm to theunknownknight
“I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time”
Posted on 2/19/18 at 1:08 pm to theunknownknight
quote:
Open Letter to Steven Wright: Come out of retirement!
Pretty sure he does a voice in The Emoji Movie. He's the "Meh" emoji IIRC
Posted on 2/19/18 at 1:32 pm to theunknownknight
I live at the dead end of a one-way street. I’m not sure how I got there.
I bought a camouflage shirt. Got home and put it in my closet. Now I can’t find it.
I bought a camouflage shirt. Got home and put it in my closet. Now I can’t find it.
Posted on 2/19/18 at 1:41 pm to jembeurt
"George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk."
S Wright
S Wright
Posted on 2/19/18 at 1:41 pm to jembeurt
“I got up this morning and tried to fold my bed back into the sofa. I nearly broke both of my arms when I realized it wasn’t one of those kind of beds”
Posted on 2/19/18 at 1:47 pm to theunknownknight
My school colors were clear.
I have a cordless extension cord.
I have a cordless extension cord.
Posted on 2/19/18 at 5:17 pm to theunknownknight
A day without sunshine is like....night
Posted on 2/19/18 at 6:13 pm to mdomingue
One of the all time greats. Just reading the one liners here has me laughing.
Posted on 2/19/18 at 6:48 pm to BR Tiger
I once had a dog. I named him Stay. I used to call him by going, come here, Stay...come here, Stay. He's now in therapy.
I went to one of those stores with a sign that said OPEN 24 HOURS. They were closed. When they opened the next day, I asked the owner, "why was your store closed? Your sign says OPEN 24 HOURS." He said, "not in a row."
I went to one of those stores with a sign that said OPEN 24 HOURS. They were closed. When they opened the next day, I asked the owner, "why was your store closed? Your sign says OPEN 24 HOURS." He said, "not in a row."
This post was edited on 2/19/18 at 7:30 pm
Posted on 2/19/18 at 7:28 pm to EastBankTiger
I'm afraid of escalators. I tripped on one once. I fell down the steps for an hour and a half.
(I don't think that one was actually his - might have been an homage by another comedian.)
(I don't think that one was actually his - might have been an homage by another comedian.)
Posted on 2/19/18 at 8:15 pm to Bestbank Tiger
You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time...
Posted on 2/19/18 at 8:36 pm to CajunTiger92
Posted on 2/19/18 at 9:26 pm to theunknownknight
Was just watching steven on Carson 1984.
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