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re: Open Letter to Steven Wright: Come out of retirement!

Posted on 2/19/18 at 9:31 am to
Posted by bird35
Georgia
Member since Sep 2012
13734 posts
Posted on 2/19/18 at 9:31 am to
Bucky Goldstein
Posted by Shotgun Willie
Member since Apr 2016
4310 posts
Posted on 2/19/18 at 10:17 am to
Looks like he has one show scheduled for las vegas April 13th
Posted by Thracken13
Aft Cargo Hold of Serenity
Member since Feb 2010
19019 posts
Posted on 2/19/18 at 11:23 am to
I put a Telescope on my peephole, so I can see who is coming from miles away......who is it? who's it gonna be when you get here?
Posted by FightinTigersDammit
Louisiana North
Member since Mar 2006
46425 posts
Posted on 2/19/18 at 11:28 am to
I have a life size map of the US. One mile equals one mile.

People ask me where I live, I tell them "E-5"
Posted by tss22h8
30.4 N 90.9 W
Member since Jan 2007
18793 posts
Posted on 2/19/18 at 11:32 am to
Drove by a gas station.

There was a sign "Self Service. Help Wanted."

So I went in and hired myself.
Posted by thetigerman
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Member since Sep 2006
3630 posts
Posted on 2/19/18 at 11:33 am to
I went to the store and there was a sign that said "Pet Supplies".

So I did.

In the parking lot there was a sign that said "Compact Cars"
Posted by MrSmith
Member since Sep 2009
8319 posts
Posted on 2/19/18 at 12:21 pm to
quote:

A lot of stand up comedians have stopped performing because of the PC Climate and offending somebody

Not really
Posted by Rock the Casbah
Member since Dec 2014
940 posts
Posted on 2/19/18 at 1:04 pm to
“I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time”
Posted by slackster
Houston
Member since Mar 2009
91874 posts
Posted on 2/19/18 at 1:08 pm to
quote:

Open Letter to Steven Wright: Come out of retirement!


Pretty sure he does a voice in The Emoji Movie. He's the "Meh" emoji IIRC
Posted by jembeurt
Raceland
Member since Apr 2008
8882 posts
Posted on 2/19/18 at 1:32 pm to
I live at the dead end of a one-way street. I’m not sure how I got there.


I bought a camouflage shirt. Got home and put it in my closet. Now I can’t find it.
Posted by Skillet
Member since Aug 2006
114468 posts
Posted on 2/19/18 at 1:41 pm to
"George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear him talk."


S Wright
Posted by Meatball
Member since Sep 2009
5148 posts
Posted on 2/19/18 at 1:41 pm to
“I got up this morning and tried to fold my bed back into the sofa. I nearly broke both of my arms when I realized it wasn’t one of those kind of beds”
Posted by Michael Hayes
Member since Mar 2014
1391 posts
Posted on 2/19/18 at 1:47 pm to
My school colors were clear.

I have a cordless extension cord.
Posted by mdomingue
Lafayette, LA
Member since Nov 2010
48703 posts
Posted on 2/19/18 at 5:17 pm to
A day without sunshine is like....night
Posted by BR Tiger
Baton Rouge
Member since Mar 2004
4762 posts
Posted on 2/19/18 at 6:13 pm to
One of the all time greats. Just reading the one liners here has me laughing.
Posted by EastBankTiger
A little west of Hoover Dam
Member since Dec 2003
21661 posts
Posted on 2/19/18 at 6:48 pm to
I once had a dog. I named him Stay. I used to call him by going, come here, Stay...come here, Stay. He's now in therapy.

I went to one of those stores with a sign that said OPEN 24 HOURS. They were closed. When they opened the next day, I asked the owner, "why was your store closed? Your sign says OPEN 24 HOURS." He said, "not in a row."
This post was edited on 2/19/18 at 7:30 pm
Posted by Bestbank Tiger
Premium Member
Member since Jan 2005
82457 posts
Posted on 2/19/18 at 7:28 pm to
I'm afraid of escalators. I tripped on one once. I fell down the steps for an hour and a half.

(I don't think that one was actually his - might have been an homage by another comedian.)
Posted by CajunTiger92
Member since Dec 2007
2869 posts
Posted on 2/19/18 at 8:15 pm to
You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs and you lean too far so you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time...
Posted by TXGunslinger10
Houston, TX
Member since Jun 2011
18201 posts
Posted on 2/19/18 at 8:36 pm to
LINK

Well, you know, there’s chance in everything
Posted by Klingler7
Houston
Member since Nov 2009
12620 posts
Posted on 2/19/18 at 9:26 pm to
Was just watching steven on Carson 1984.
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