one hand clapping

the thread title is a work in progress.

it refers to the classic Eastern teaching. it takes two to tango.

Brief personalizing intro

I often respond to O-T posters with some "problem". They posit either a true or imaginary plight and we all get to comment, laugh, and learn something too.
edit added right here to include the fact that yesterday someone on the Poli board was all surprised at some personal position I hold, based on his supposition that only people with his points of view on some Poli-board matters would pray.
Or ask for prayers of others, as I did two days ago when my daughter was just out of the hospital. She's getting better, thank you all you who prayed and offered stories of similar plights. Thanks.
So, this guy had me wrong. I decided to share more about myself.

Onward. If I only respond, the OP, or someone commenting, is painting a picture without necessarily observing the context, or history or psychological shadows.

I am about to post a thread about myself. I want to and I need to, as much as one can need anything. Its done here, and I am going to too.
In so doing, I will represent a PARTIAL VIEW.
I see 4 or 5 ways my situation may change into.

I am about to have the umpteenth conversation with my wife about what passes for serious topics on TD O-T and in my house.

1. I can love her as best I can, in this moment. If I do, I am getting to experience me loving her and probably her loving me. I can't worry too much in the instant whether she loves me, although if she doesnt ever or hardly ever, I would move on.

2. I can ask to use CNVC.com's material. Its a design by someone who did negotiating between Palestinians and Jewish Isreali's. You say your piece. The other person restates it in their own words so you both know if you were heard in the first place, and maybe you learn something.
Then, on to choice #1, if you don't destroy the relationship during honest confession.

3 I want to let her know that I have conflicting moments. I mean, sometimes I feel that I just have to do ABCD. Sometimes not.

New info. 3 matters because one of the positions I sometimes hold is a deal breaker for her.

The challenge seems to be for me to do behaviors ABCD, but not make a thing about it, and just see what she does really. That will be tense, but in the long run is the easiest, sanest path.

I have the means to pay for the divorce, pay all her first and last and security and a few thousand for old times sake.
We have signed the papers.

She has asked me to wait to do it. another year.

This is all I have time for. I am about to jump into the active voice.

Aloha.

Say hi to Doc Fenton and 90proofprofessional for me.