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Message
re: Observations on 50 years of married life (long)
Posted on 4/3/24 at 4:09 pm to Purplehaze
Posted on 4/3/24 at 4:09 pm to Purplehaze
quote:
Look at her mother and observe her personality. In 20 years, chances are your wife will have turned out just like her mother physically and mentally.
0
Posted on 4/3/24 at 4:28 pm to GrizzlyAlloy
quote:
You're 81?
Actually 82!
Posted on 4/3/24 at 4:32 pm to Purplehaze
Add this to the list of threads where a ton of regular posters reveal they are in their 70s and 80s
Posted on 4/3/24 at 4:34 pm to Purplehaze
Boomers come on here and brag about their marriage and then teach their daughters how to get fat and listen to rap music so millenials can never get married
Posted on 4/3/24 at 4:38 pm to Purplehaze
quote:
Look at her mother and observe her personality. In 20 years, chances are your wife will have turned out just like her mother physically and mentally.
As someone currently going through a divorce, I really fricked up badly here
Posted on 4/3/24 at 4:39 pm to JohnnyKilroy
quote:
Add this to the list of threads where a ton of regular posters reveal they are in their 70s and 80s
Congrats on the big gotcha?
Seriously, I'm trying to figure out what the "take" here is supposed to be. I mean, I didn't know some of these guys were as old as they are saying they are here either -- so?
Posted on 4/3/24 at 4:40 pm to Purplehaze
All good advice, but also not "one size fits all". ..;so tweak as needed!
Congrats on 50 years. Mr Clem and I made it to 40 years before I was widowed. So one piece of advice I have is that while saving for retirement is VERY important, don’t hyper focus on it to the tune of not having experiences together. Go on vacation….maybe not two weeks in Europe in the early broke days, but at least long weekends to the beach, or the mountains. Go to a ball game, but maybe not season tickets. Don’t go into debt for this, but strike a balance between saving obsessively or spending it all every month . There are many things that are free or low cost, maybe some will interest you…gardening from seed, hiking, etc…This doesn’t apply to OT’rs , who all make 6 figures straight out of school, lol, but my husband and I started with nothing and gradually worked ourselves up to a better financial situation, and enjoyed the ride..
Mr Clem would have finally been able to retire this spring, but he died 5 years short of that goal. It makes me terribly sad that he didn’t live long enough for a sweet, laid back , worry free retirement, so I am doubly glad of the trips we took and the fun we had along the way. Save appropriately for the stage of life you are in, but don’t hoard it all, for the future may not come for each of us. Wants vs needs is indeed a place to be sure you are in synch….but don’t automatically nix ALL "wants" as frivolous.
The number one thing is to marry the right person. However, few people go into marriage thinking they are marrying the wrong person, so that is easier said than done. Pay attention to "red flags" before you commit.
Congrats on 50 years. Mr Clem and I made it to 40 years before I was widowed. So one piece of advice I have is that while saving for retirement is VERY important, don’t hyper focus on it to the tune of not having experiences together. Go on vacation….maybe not two weeks in Europe in the early broke days, but at least long weekends to the beach, or the mountains. Go to a ball game, but maybe not season tickets. Don’t go into debt for this, but strike a balance between saving obsessively or spending it all every month . There are many things that are free or low cost, maybe some will interest you…gardening from seed, hiking, etc…This doesn’t apply to OT’rs , who all make 6 figures straight out of school, lol, but my husband and I started with nothing and gradually worked ourselves up to a better financial situation, and enjoyed the ride..
Mr Clem would have finally been able to retire this spring, but he died 5 years short of that goal. It makes me terribly sad that he didn’t live long enough for a sweet, laid back , worry free retirement, so I am doubly glad of the trips we took and the fun we had along the way. Save appropriately for the stage of life you are in, but don’t hoard it all, for the future may not come for each of us. Wants vs needs is indeed a place to be sure you are in synch….but don’t automatically nix ALL "wants" as frivolous.
The number one thing is to marry the right person. However, few people go into marriage thinking they are marrying the wrong person, so that is easier said than done. Pay attention to "red flags" before you commit.
Posted on 4/3/24 at 4:41 pm to ccard257
quote:
Some good stuff in there but you lost me here:
quote:
forget about peeing standing up
i very rarely pee standing up outside my own home. part of it is a medical condition. part of it is not wanting to take the blame for careless teenage boys who don't know what to do with their pecker.
I was listening to a podcast the other day where they were talking about the decline of western men. one was a man that was very serious about his faith and one was more of a MGTOW kind of guy. The Catholic framed something that really resonated with me, albeit, a tad vulgar.
When they were talking about divorce and it's prevalence he said "i stood up in front of my family and took a fricking blood oath that i will not leave this woman. and that means something to me. it wasn't a contract. it wasn't an agreement that we could renege on. it was an oath"
"fricking blood oath" stood out to me.
i don't use that word often, but it applies and i think if people would approach marriage that way instead of "you're hot, i'm hot, let's get married," we'd be in a better world. and if people stopped sticking things in or let things be stuck in them by people they don't want to raise children with.
Posted on 4/3/24 at 4:46 pm to Purplehaze
That’s quite an accomplishment. Congratulations !
Posted on 4/3/24 at 4:47 pm to Y.A. Tittle
quote:
Congrats on the big gotcha? Seriously, I'm trying to figure out what the "take" here is supposed to be. I mean, I didn't know some of these guys were as old as they are saying they are here either -- so?
It’s just a funny observation. Relax, francis.
Posted on 4/3/24 at 4:52 pm to ccard257
quote:
Some good stuff in there but you lost me here:
quote:
forget about peeing standing up
You can still do that if you agree to clean the toilet. The OP is correct. Your aim is never as good as you think it is.
Posted on 4/3/24 at 4:58 pm to GrizzlyAlloy
quote:
Nice post, and congratulations on your 50 years together. I married a wonderful woman when I was 22. We made 48 years together before she passed on almost 12 years ago. I have since remarried, but I still think of my late wife often.
You're 81?
Why is that so surprising?
Spending your life with someone is just about the best thing you can ever experience. I married and was with my husband for 34 years before he passed 10 years ago. We dated for 3 before we married.
OP is spot on with pretty much everything. Usually your arguments are over really silly things that you dig in over. Learn how to let things slide, because most of them just aren't that important.
I really do think I'd enjoy finding someone new to have fun with and share things, but there is just nothing like that shared history and inside jokes, silly stories about your kids, etc. (I may have now found some dust in my eye.)
Posted on 4/3/24 at 5:05 pm to 3nOut
quote:
"fricking blood oath" stood out to me.
i don't use that word often, but it applies and i think if people would approach marriage that way instead of "you're hot, i'm hot, let's get married," we'd be in a better world. and if people stopped sticking things in or let things be stuck in them by people they don't want to raise children with.
So true! I think people get hung up on happiness. I have seen so many times with friends who weren't happy and got a divorce. Turned out later that it wasn't really their partner who made them unhappy. They had their own issues they needed to resolve and probably could have stayed married and worked them out.
Marriage is a commitment with a capital C! It's not about always being in love, always having great sex, always being happy, etc. It's about always knowing you with work with the other person to make it better and that you won't give up on each other.
Posted on 4/3/24 at 5:08 pm to JohnnyKilroy
quote:
Add this to the list of threads where a ton of regular posters reveal they are in their 70s and 80s
You got something against us who are in our 70s and 80s?
Posted on 4/3/24 at 5:16 pm to Purplehaze
Posted on 4/3/24 at 5:24 pm to Purplehaze
damn fine post - ty.
workign on year 11 with the wife, and it has been a blast so far. stress over issues with our 1st home this past year made it a little stretched tin on both our sides, but we both arent giving up.
workign on year 11 with the wife, and it has been a blast so far. stress over issues with our 1st home this past year made it a little stretched tin on both our sides, but we both arent giving up.
Posted on 4/3/24 at 5:30 pm to Purplehaze
You could flesh that out into a best selling marriage manual. 53 for us. She said we agreed to the "til death do us part" stuff, It was a verbal contract, sworn to in front of many witnesses and she is perfectly willing to kill me to end the marriage.
Problem is, she is an excellent shot, even at a distance.
Keeps my butt straight.
Problem is, she is an excellent shot, even at a distance.
Keeps my butt straight.
This post was edited on 4/3/24 at 5:45 pm
Posted on 4/3/24 at 5:41 pm to Purplehaze
I’m at 38 years. Been together a few more. We started dating in 10th grade of high school and got married the year we graduated. We have seen and done some shite.
We both went to school after we got married and graduated. Me to engineering school first, then her to pharmacy school after I graduated and started to work. We both worked while the other one went to school.
We survived a major career change for me after engineering for 13 years. We survived our youngest child, son, being autistic and knowing he will always live with us. We survived our oldest , daughter, passing away at 30 years old. Out of no where heart attack. No health problems and in great shape.
We recently picked up everything in Georgia and moved to Florida. My wife basically started he career over at a new hospital and I picked my tackle/charter service of 25 years up and moved it south and changed from freshwater to saltwater.
We just bought a new home and are finally settled here after 3 years.
I do echo a lot of your advice but I won’t get as detailed.
Be with someone who you want to succeed in life and helps you do the same
Be with someone that you can spend a lot of time with alone, and love it.
Be with someone that you are going to want to sleep with for the rest of your life and be satisfied. This is a biggie. Sex is important to a healthy relationship. Even when you get old
But mostly, be with someone you just enjoy being with. That should never change.
We both went to school after we got married and graduated. Me to engineering school first, then her to pharmacy school after I graduated and started to work. We both worked while the other one went to school.
We survived a major career change for me after engineering for 13 years. We survived our youngest child, son, being autistic and knowing he will always live with us. We survived our oldest , daughter, passing away at 30 years old. Out of no where heart attack. No health problems and in great shape.
We recently picked up everything in Georgia and moved to Florida. My wife basically started he career over at a new hospital and I picked my tackle/charter service of 25 years up and moved it south and changed from freshwater to saltwater.
We just bought a new home and are finally settled here after 3 years.
I do echo a lot of your advice but I won’t get as detailed.
Be with someone who you want to succeed in life and helps you do the same
Be with someone that you can spend a lot of time with alone, and love it.
Be with someone that you are going to want to sleep with for the rest of your life and be satisfied. This is a biggie. Sex is important to a healthy relationship. Even when you get old
But mostly, be with someone you just enjoy being with. That should never change.
Posted on 4/3/24 at 6:00 pm to Purplehaze
Thing I learned, after 15 years of a great marriage she wakes up one morning and is a totally different person
Posted on 4/3/24 at 6:01 pm to Purplehaze
Great post. I'm not to 50 married years yet but I'm working on it. She does still remember the off cuff statement about something she cooked in that first year.
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