re: Need some advice--relationship related

It just sounds like you aren't exactly happy with your current girlfriend. I would figure that out before you reach out to the ex.

The way you are presenting it is like if the ex doesn’t want anything to do with you then you are going to put effort into the current gf. If the ex does want something to do with you, then you are going to just leave the current girlfriend. It’s not fair to the current girlfriend to put her in that position. Almost like you are making the current girlfriend the backup plan.

I don't think he knows how the ex is thinking, just that he may run into her with his job location. Sounds like he's looking forward to that possibility.
OP doesn't need to get too deep with the current crazy. Keep options open and phukemall.

I feel like there's a "Jody" story somewhere in here.

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I've had these dreams every couple of months. It's been of one girl I dated for a few months in college that I was absolutely head over heels for.

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It's nothing really to do with that other girl. It's just your subconscious telling you to GTFO of that messed up relationship you're in.

I just don't like how he's presenting the situation. His current gf may be crazy but if she has been trying for the past 5 months or whatever of their year and a half relationship, that should account for something. He stayed with her when she was more insecure for over a year but now he is thinking of the possibility of her going back to her 'old ways' and that he can't handle that only because of the possibility of this ex-flame possibly entering the picture somehow - because of the new job location.

That's at least how I am reading into it.

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She would never trust me, always be nagging etc etc so it almost started to feel like I was an old man who always wanted to be fishing and away from his wife

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This will never get any better unless you assert yourself. She only does this because you permit it and have condoned it as acceptable behavior. No one continues to engage in a behavior that doesn't yield the desired result.

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Long story short I am away from home now but the past several months things have changed--she really is changing and the insecurities have given way to a trusting attitude and love that has been consistent and pretty amazing.

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There are only 3 possibilities for this behavior change:
1. She has really matured in that time apart and learned how to trust you. She had never needed to trust, so she clung on to control. Once that was no longer necessary, she learned that her controlling habits were unnecessary and she backed off (possible, but least likely).

2. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. Once you are both together again, she will revert back to how things were when you were together (most likely).

3. She's cheating on you and is being nice to you so you won't suspect the same. She feels guilty for not trusting you and then cheating on you, but she still keeps doing it (slightly more likely than her changing and maturing).

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Here comes the big problem. I've had these dreams every couple of months. It's been of one girl I dated for a few months in college that I was absolutely head over heels for. This was four years ago that we dated and i'm still having these dreams consistently. I was in a dark place when we dated with some alcohol problems and she broke up with me, seeing as I was a mess. But on to the dreams..they are nothing sexual..simply me pleading to her that I have changed and that I am having these dreams of wanting to see her. In those dreams it just feels "right" just having the chance to talk to her.

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Everyone has these kinds of dreams about the "one that got away". It's perfectly natural. Ignore then and they will eventually go away.

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I feel like a shithead for even considering her when i'm in a relationship with a girl I love now and knowing how much it would destroy her.

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You would be leaving her for a dream. The dream is not reality, it is your imagination. Leave it there. Don't feel guilty as you cannot control it, but do not dwell on it.

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And strangely enough I'm moving back to the same state I met her in for a job in the next month. I don't know what to think at this point

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Basically, you will get to figure out if your woman has been engaging in one of the 3 conditions as laid out above. If she really has matured, your relationship will become much stronger for the time apart. If it's the second one, you must assert yourself or hate yourself. If asserting yourself ends the relationship, then that is for the best. If she was cheating, end it. Don't blow it up and act childish. Don't make a scene, just end it.

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You can't frick a guitar, man.

And, unlike a woman, a guitar won't frick you.

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However, a guitar can convince women to frick you. It's a means to an end, not the end itself.

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quote: quote: and cocaine...dont lie....you were snorting coke weren't you? ok ok yeah I snorted a little coke

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yep I knew it....I have a nose for these sort of things

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I see what you did there.

Trust all of us that tell you what we've been there, done that. I'm in a relationship with the kindest, sweetest, hottest, most trusting and fun loving woman of my life. We rarely EVER have unkind words for each other...life is just too short to put up with that crap.

But it wouldn't have happened if I didn't move on from the women in my past that were plagued by insecurities. Alot of these women were wildly hot, but still so insecure.

You will begin to think it's normal...IT IS NOT.

Be nice to her but move on NOW.

No that's all wrong. It's not that I have a plan b more so that I am having these weird recurring dreams and yeah..im still worried this girl might revert to her old ways which is unfair of me probably..but it would be a shitstorm if we were married and the same things came back into play.

I'm just thinking out loud. My minds a cluster trick at this moment