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Posted on 10/14/26 at 8:28 am to ItzMe1972
Dammit that's me.
Posted on 10/14/26 at 8:55 am to Cheese Grits
quote:
FWIW, I feel no anger, hate, etc for those in my past.
I feel only pain and empathy that they hold the key to their wellness and fail to use it. So many die unhappy and alone when the exact opposite could have been their life path.
see that is where I am. I turned 50 yesterday. we lost my dad in Jan of 25, and all she had left was my wife and I. we talked to her several times to get her to understand what we saw and was bothering us, and she played me like a fiddle until I opened my eyes - almost cost me my marraige.
but for my Birthday, because she is unwilling to accept her responsibility, not even a word. my wife asked if i was upset, and I said no, but i am hurt - but not for the reason you think.
I made peace with likely never hearing from her again, but the hurt is that with my dad gone, and her getting up in age as well, that she chose this path. she chose to be this way. my wife and I moved from Alabama to Texas to be near her sister and her family, noone on my side of the family in Alabama will talk to me - but that is because my mom fabricated stories of how I am terrible and played the victim card - yet none of them bothered to even ask for my side - and that is fine.
it took 40+ years to finally get to the point of walking away - but it was the best choice. I love my mom, and I always will - but I will not let her manipulate, gaslight and guilt me any longer.
Posted on 10/14/26 at 10:40 am to Thracken13
quote:It is hard to rescue people from self induced misery.
she chose this path. she chose to be this way.
Posted on 10/14/26 at 10:56 am to Rabby
it is - and I decided to stop trying. I owned my part, was disrespected in my own home because of her inability to listen and change, and disrespected my wife and disregarded her altogether.
glad we got out of that situation and got to a better place.
glad we got out of that situation and got to a better place.
Posted on 10/14/26 at 11:12 am to Rabby
quote:
It is hard to rescue people from self induced misery.
Exactly this, especially when they choose drugs and homelessness, too.
Posted on 10/14/26 at 12:48 pm to 1609tiger
quote:
You can’t change them. A total separation is the only option. That will piss them off more than anything.
Trying this with my brother and it seems to be working. Our mother is not well but he doesn't want to be present to handle her care. He's manipulated her in her fragile state to believe he's so busy he can't be here but sure does like to travel. His thing is calling her, so that I can't see what their conversations are about if he texted her instead. But I've dropped in on a few of these calls where it's "Mom I really want to be there but I'm just so busy with my work". He's not. And I called him out for it.
I've made our conversations boring as hell, if I even respond at all, and it's pissed him off that he's not getting regular attention out of me.
Posted on 10/14/26 at 1:30 pm to Jimmie the Geek
quote:
Also, narcissist have a pleasant, likeable personality in public so most people would never know. Scuffy would need to be in a relationship of some kind with one to know one. You are lucky you haven't had to deal with that.
100%
I recently shared with friends how a family member of mine acts. I gave examples of what they say and how they act towards me (years of research has told me this person is full narcissist) and when I was done they were shocked. This is not how the person portrays themself to general public - even at work. And then I was asked how on earth I am so normal after growing up with that, ha.
To another's point - I've never used that as an excuse for continuing shitty behavior. I work hard to be the exact opposite and am thankful I had other, wonderful examples of humans in my life to lean on.
Posted on 10/14/26 at 7:34 pm to BabyTac
quote:
I’ve been satisfied being a senior VP, exec. Never want anything more. The narcissism that exist above that in the corporate world is unbearable.
Please go away, live you fantasy somewhere else.
Posted on 10/14/26 at 10:43 pm to ItzMe1972
In other words, about 90% of us
Posted on 10/15/26 at 12:24 am to ItzMe1972
The narcissist will say you're the one who gas lights and is the narcissist. They're masters at manipulating and turning things around on you when the truth is, the finger pointing results in three fingers pointing back to the real problem at hand. Getting out is the only answer or the cycle of abuse will continue with years of misery at the forefront awaiting you. There is no curing these people and when you leave they'll simply find the next victim.
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