re: My Mom has been getting worse with her dementia

That's tough brother. Wishing y'all the best.

No experience in this dept but I would imagine just being there in support is important now and for your future peace of mind.

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Lately she’s been sleeping late into the day. She’s gone almost two weeks without taking a shower and we have to beg her to do it. Sometimes she refuses to change out of her dirty depends.

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Same thing my step dad went thru recently. Had to put him in nursing home

Lost my mom 2 months ago after battling dementia for about 5 years. The last year was hard. She would sleep 20 hours/day and never shower or eat if we let her. We were fortunate to keep her at home with round the clock sitters. I think she would have passed a year ago without good care. One thing I noticed with her is when she was at the point that your mom is at now, we couldn’t really give her choices. She wasn’t mentally capable of making decisions. We had to say ok mom it’s time to eat. Or time to shower. Or let’s walk to the bathroom now. That worked well for her and I think it may have prolonged her life some.

I really feel for you OP. My grandmother passed last July and was showing early signs of it. It was progressing rapidly before she went. In fact the last voicemail I had from her was a rant about how my grandfather had abandoned her and she wanted me to come and get him. He had been dead for 12 years.

I miss her every day but I’m grateful she was spared the brunt of that disease. Especially for my dads sake.

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Since this is the dementia thread... My mother got her meds down with great difficulty this morning. The nurses think she's lost her ability to swallow and recommended hospice. I knew it was coming but nothing prepares you for it.

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It’s a terrible time with zero options that feel right. But As long as you respectfully love and cherish her in the end time, you eventually will feel peace with the decisions

Just seeing this thread, but it brings me back to my dad. He passed a year ago in February after a few year bout with dementia.

I don't have a whole lot of advice that hasn't already been said. But a few things stand out:

- Take care of the primary caregiver. My mom was my dad's primary caregiver, and it was exhausting for her. Just giving her some time to go grocery shopping by herself or to a doctor's appointment without having to worry about dragging him along was some relief. As much as this disease ravages the person with it, it affects the caregiver just as much.

- Always stay calm. You can't solve anything by getting upset with anything he/she does. It will only make things worse. Particularly if Sundowners is involved. My dad would be relatively peaceful during the day even though he didn't know what planet he was on. But come evening, he turned into a different person. The longer days certainly helped, because in the winter when it got dark at 5pm, it was really rough. But know that whatever he/she says is not to be taken personally.

- As others have said, look into hospice care so that a nurse can come to the house several times a week. There are no medications that can slow down the process, but a few can help ease some of the moodiness. However, some of them can have the opposite effect, so some experimentation may be in order.

- I wish we had gone with a memory care facility earlier. By the time my dad got to be too much for my mom to handle on her own, he was too far gone. He spent 2 nights in a memory care facility, then was unable to eat, drink or communicate. He spent the next 10 days or so in hospice care before passing peacefully. I was fortunate to be at his side when he took his last breath. I'm tearing up now just thinking about it. But it was as much of a relief as it was sad. Seeing him like that for years and the toll it took on my mom was rough.

Good luck to all going through this. It's a truly awful disease.

My stepmom has it and is now in a care facility. She would leave the house when she was alone, walk into town with thousands of dollars in her purse. Alzheimer’s, Dementia and Cancer are absolutely brutal to deal with. I’ve had a few family members experience those.

Sorry to hear. Will be praying for you and of course the op.

Thanks guys. I'm pretty disconsolate right now but at least I have a lot to occupy me and keep my mind off it somewhat. I dread what comes after, Once the funeral is over, in a week or two everybody else goes back to their normal routine and you're alone with just your thoughts.

Dementia runs in may family, if I live long enough, it will effect me (and many of us). Hopefully, I'll have a moment of lucidity when it hits and be able to down a handful pills.