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re: (most) Women are programmed to think the worst of everything
Posted on 5/18/18 at 8:24 am to celltech1981
Posted on 5/18/18 at 8:24 am to celltech1981
quote:
(most) Women are programmed to think the worst of everything
It's not just women.
It’s easier for a human being to think negatively than positively.
Crazy, but true.
1
Posted on 5/18/18 at 8:27 am to Will Cover
quote:
It’s easier for a human being to think negatively than positively.
It was my understanding that it took more muscles to frown than it did to smile. I don't know if the science checks out.
Posted on 5/18/18 at 8:29 am to TH03
quote:
But I do always make steak and lobster. We enjoy it because we don't eat steak and lobster every day so it's a nice treat for both of us.
Yeah, that's something for both of you. That's how it should be. You're valuing your time together. It's not a matter of obligatory giving.
Posted on 5/18/18 at 8:29 am to TH03
quote:
It was my understanding that it took more muscles to frown than it did to smile. I don't know if the science checks out.
quote:
Take, for example, the studies done by John Cacioppo, Ph.D., then at Ohio State University, now at the University of Chicago. He showed people pictures known to arouse positive feelings (say, a Ferrari, or a pizza), those certain to stir up negative feelings (a mutilated face or dead cat) and those known to produce neutral feelings (a plate, a hair dryer). Meanwhile, he recorded electrical activity in the brain's cerebral cortex that reflects the magnitude of information processing taking place.
The brain, Cacioppo demonstrated, reacts more strongly to stimuli it deems negative. There is a greater surge in electrical activity. Thus, our attitudes are more heavily influenced by downbeat news than good news.
Psychology Today
Posted on 5/18/18 at 8:30 am to Pecker
quote:
You got to be unpredictable. otherwise you create a debt/debtor relationship. if someone expects something, they aren't going to appreciate it when they get it. And if they don't get it, then you now owe them a debt.
People give you a lot of shite, but you aren’t incorrect. I fall into this trap a lot in relationships. I do things for my partner because I enjoy giving. But after I do it consistently for awhile, it becomes expected. Then, the one time I don’t do it, I owe a debt for not doing something expected of me (when it was supposed to be a kindness in the first place). I’m left feeling unappreciated & like nothing will ever be enough, and they’re left feeling like...I don’t know. However people on that side of the table feel.
It fricks up the relationship dynamic.
Posted on 5/18/18 at 8:31 am to Will Cover
I wasn't doubting, just making a joke. 
Posted on 5/18/18 at 8:33 am to Pecker
quote:
You're valuing your time together. It's not a matter of obligatory giving.
Truth. I had to run into the store on Valentine's a couple years ago to pick up some spices and my God, the mad rush of dudes hawking over the floral department was embarrassing.
Posted on 5/18/18 at 8:35 am to Pecker
quote:
An easy way to find out if your woman has been poised by this "you owe me" mindset is to simply skip Valentine's Day. You don't have to be rude. Just text her Happy VDay and leave it at that. See what happens.
I think I have something wrong with me because I’ve always been happy to skip valentine’s day
I’m definitely programmed to be a very negative person but I think that has more to do with me being me than just being a woman.
Posted on 5/18/18 at 8:38 am to TH03
quote:
My wife will sometimes complain we always do what I want to do, but when it comes down to a time where we're making a decision on eating, going out of town for a weekend, etc etc the decision is always defaulted to me.
That’s because they are wired to appreciate decisiveness.
Most of us are really. Even the wrong decision is still a decision, and usually better than waffling, especially on unimportant matters.
Posted on 5/18/18 at 8:38 am to celltech1981
You’re right.
I always fixate on the negative. Yesterday, my daughter told me that she requested my literary analysis senior level class and said, “I hope it goes better than last time you taught me.”
Cold sweats. I was near tears after she wandered off. I talked to her later, and she said, “Oh, no. I just meant that I hope to earn better than a B+ this time. You’re tough as a grader.”
I always fixate on the negative. Yesterday, my daughter told me that she requested my literary analysis senior level class and said, “I hope it goes better than last time you taught me.”
Cold sweats. I was near tears after she wandered off. I talked to her later, and she said, “Oh, no. I just meant that I hope to earn better than a B+ this time. You’re tough as a grader.”
Posted on 5/18/18 at 8:39 am to Aspercel
quote:I never understood why some get a feeling of superiority (not saying you) from this mindset. The VD threads on here bring it out every year.
think I have something wrong with me because I’ve always been happy to skip valentine’s day
I enjoy Valentine's day. I enjoy that needlessly expensive Valentine's day dinner and getting those cliche flowers. I don't think it's expected, but I enjoy buying into the cliche holiday.
Posted on 5/18/18 at 8:48 am to Aspercel
quote:
I think I have something wrong with me because I’ve always been happy to skip valentine’s day
I've always felt gifts and dinners should be random and unexpected rather than programmed.
Posted on 5/18/18 at 8:56 am to celltech1981
She's testing you.
Posted on 5/18/18 at 8:58 am to Displaced
Not feeling superior at all. I legit may have something wrong with me I don’t go for most of that romantic stuff bc it kinda feels fake and forced. Probably have just had bad experiences.
It’s close to my birthday so I used to say I’d rather do something fun then. But now I’m old and hate birthdays too
I don’t go for most of that romantic stuff bc it kinda feels fake and forced. Probably have just had bad experiences. It’s close to my birthday so I used to say I’d rather do something fun then. But now I’m old and hate birthdays too
Posted on 5/18/18 at 9:01 am to MorbidTheClown
quote:
think the worst of everything
i married into the Legion of Gloom. There is NO situation that they can't turn into a possible disaster.
Me too! The whole family seems to sit on a gentle downward slope. Every issue quickly drags them happily down in to a vortex of misery.
Luckily, my wife sees how fricked up this is and tries really hard to resist. She avoids long talks with her family because it always depresses the hell out of her.
I'm obnoxiously optimistic so I tend to keep her from falling for their gloom.
Posted on 5/18/18 at 9:03 am to Evil Little Thing
quote:
I fall into this trap a lot in relationships. I do things for my partner because I enjoy giving. But after I do it consistently for awhile, it becomes expected.
I'm similar in that I enjoy doing things for her. A problem you have to be aware of is that there's a fine line between doing things for someone out of love and doing things for someone because you think it engenders love.
There were times I treated certain girls really well because I wanted to be appreciated. The motivations for my behavior were all wrong. And when the feelings of appreciation weren't returned to the extent that I thought they should be, I became resentful. They started to expect it. I wasn't appreciated. Neither party was happy.
For me, I do random nice things because I enjoy it. If she appreciates it or not isn't up to me. But I don't give out of obligation. I refuse to do that. And if she needed that, we wouldn't be together. If I think she expects a certain behavior (within reason), it spoils my desire to do it. So I don't.
This post was edited on 5/18/18 at 9:05 am
Posted on 5/18/18 at 9:20 am to Pecker
quote:
Pecker
People like to try to discredit you sometimes, but you're spot on almost everytime.
Posted on 5/18/18 at 9:25 am to TygerTyger
quote:
Luckily, my wife sees how fricked up this is and tries really hard to resist. She avoids long talks with her family because it always depresses the hell out of her.
I get this. I made excuses to avoid taking walks with my husband when we were first married because too many things would set me off.
All women are crazy. I’ve probably hidden it a little better than some because my husband hasn’t fled yet.
Posted on 5/18/18 at 9:53 am to Averytiger
quote:
All women are crazy. I’ve probably hidden it a little better than some because my husband hasn’t fled yet.
Truth. And it's mature of you to admit it.
The key is to find someone who fits with your particular brand of crazy. When the fit is right, the good times are great and the bad times are short and weatherable.
Posted on 5/18/18 at 9:57 am to Pecker
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