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Started By
Message
More on an upbeat topic. Aging parents.
Posted on 8/20/24 at 7:54 pm
Posted on 8/20/24 at 7:54 pm
I posted a while back that my mom is slipping. This Thursday we finally get to follow up with all the docs involved. CArdio, Pulmonary, and Neuro.
As a nurse though I see where this is going. I hope I am jumping the gun, but I want to ask any of you who've gone through this, what would you do different.
Probably going to get a lawyer. Is estate lawyer appropriate? She is still strong just confused as hell. This is not a discussion of final arrangements etc.
This is more of what to do with her and my Dads money? To protect it. My mother is one more event from needing care or permanent care in the form of rehab, memory care, assisted living, or nursing home.
I realize these places perform a service and should be paid. I just don't want my father penniless trying to place her.
I will stop there as I think the point of my thread is made. I don't want to post a text wall to start. Just answer questions as best I can as needed.
This is ALL in Texas BTW.
As a nurse though I see where this is going. I hope I am jumping the gun, but I want to ask any of you who've gone through this, what would you do different.
Probably going to get a lawyer. Is estate lawyer appropriate? She is still strong just confused as hell. This is not a discussion of final arrangements etc.
This is more of what to do with her and my Dads money? To protect it. My mother is one more event from needing care or permanent care in the form of rehab, memory care, assisted living, or nursing home.
I realize these places perform a service and should be paid. I just don't want my father penniless trying to place her.
I will stop there as I think the point of my thread is made. I don't want to post a text wall to start. Just answer questions as best I can as needed.
This is ALL in Texas BTW.
18
Posted on 8/20/24 at 8:00 pm to LSU alum wannabe
quote:
Probably going to get a lawyer. Is estate lawyer appropriate?
Yes. Someone who deals with estate and probate issues, as that involves handling the affairs of a vulnerable or incompetent adult. Also if your mother is in need of care and doesn't have a long-term care policy, you will want to discuss the financial options for custodial care at home, a nursing home or an assisted living home, which could include a Medicaid spenddown.
ETA: most estate planning attorneys should have someone they use regularly regarding any insurance or financial discussions beyond their expertise.
This post was edited on 8/20/24 at 8:02 pm
Posted on 8/20/24 at 8:03 pm to LSU alum wannabe
quote:
Probably going to get a lawyer. Is estate lawyer appropriate? She is still strong just confused as hell. This is not a discussion of final arrangements etc.
Estate lawyer and a fee-only CFP. Even better if they refer each other.
quote:
I just don't want my father penniless trying to place her.
If at all possible, see if you can get LTC insurance. It's a little late, and you'll pay a pretty penny, but hopefully not as much as being completely OOP. Otherwise, look forward to 6,000 a month bills...
Posted on 8/20/24 at 8:05 pm to LSU alum wannabe
quote:
This is more of what to do with her and my Dads money? To protect it.
Honestly….should have done this 5 years ago. Seek out a lawyer that specializes in trusts. Ask any banker or financial advisor that you can trust. I am about to set up something for myself.
Posted on 8/20/24 at 8:23 pm to SCLibertarian
quote:
which could include a Medicaid spenddown.
This sounds like something they need.
Also due to security reasons I am looking to put my name on all of their bank activity. Meaning to have access. She's been hit twice now for fraudulent charges with her Chase Debit Card.
Posted on 8/20/24 at 8:26 pm to LSU alum wannabe
Age? I'm up there and I may be beginning to slip.
Posted on 8/20/24 at 8:32 pm to Spankum
quote:
Honestly….should have done this 5 years ago. Seek out a lawyer that specializes in trusts. Ask any banker or financial advisor that you can trust. I am about to set up something for myself.
My parents had nothing of value but a house and roughly 100 acres of mostly hills and gullies. None of it is worth much, but to keep the family land, we divided it up and moved it into our names. This has to be done 5 years before a person goes into a nursing home (at least in my state). There are tax implications to this, so if you parents have an estate of hundreds of thousands of dollars that needs to be considered. I'd check with an estate attorney first no matter what.
Posted on 8/20/24 at 8:33 pm to LSU alum wannabe
quote:
As a nurse though I see where this is going. I
I didn’t know you were a chick
Posted on 8/20/24 at 8:41 pm to LSU alum wannabe
We tried to keep my mother at home longer than we should have. She needed more care than we could provide and it nearly killed my father. Everybody would have been better off if we had made the move sooner, my mother Included. Nobody likes nursing homes, but its usually the least bad of a lot of bad options.
Posted on 8/20/24 at 8:46 pm to LSU alum wannabe
See a lawyer or financial advisor who specializes in estate planning for the elderly. My parents have already put most of their wealth into a trust. This was done to keep a nursing home from being able to get to all of it.
One of my dad's older sisters lived with my parents until she fell and required more around the clock care. She had not prepared for the situation.
One of my dad's older sisters lived with my parents until she fell and required more around the clock care. She had not prepared for the situation.
Posted on 8/20/24 at 8:53 pm to chinese58
Medical power of attorney IF she is lucid enough to understand what she's signing.
Likewish other power of attorney.
Likewish other power of attorney.
Posted on 8/20/24 at 8:54 pm to LSU alum wannabe
I’m now helping my FIL with insurance policies, banks accounts, etc. my next step is durable POA. Luckily he has LTHC when that becomes necessary. MIL passed recently and the stress of having her at home during her dementia and heart issues is now showing up. God bless him.
Posted on 8/20/24 at 9:03 pm to LSU alum wannabe
Find a progressive living facility where they can stay together as long as possible, then he can be very close as she moves through assisted living then memory care then hospice...it is the route my parents took....was a blessing for me.... and does not cost near as much as you think, especially if they own a home and can sell it and buy in....
Posted on 8/20/24 at 10:33 pm to Tigahs24Seven
A little advice from someone going through this right now with both parents: get all of their money out of their name asap. Talk to an estate planning attorney. Get a durable general power of attorney. Get your name on all their bank accounts in case one parent dies.
Also, check their long term care policies if they have one. My parents have one that pays a certain amount per day. The problem is that amount was set 25 years ago and barely pays less than half of what it costs to have one in memory care and the other in a nursing home.
It kills me to write those checks every month. They saved all their lives. Now, all that saving is being used on care they wouldn’t want to have as both would rather be dead than in their current state.
My attitude is I’ll spend it all to care for them because it’s their money. Still, I know they would hate spending that money.
Also, check their long term care policies if they have one. My parents have one that pays a certain amount per day. The problem is that amount was set 25 years ago and barely pays less than half of what it costs to have one in memory care and the other in a nursing home.
It kills me to write those checks every month. They saved all their lives. Now, all that saving is being used on care they wouldn’t want to have as both would rather be dead than in their current state.
My attitude is I’ll spend it all to care for them because it’s their money. Still, I know they would hate spending that money.
Posted on 8/20/24 at 10:36 pm to L5UT1ger
As an aside, frick all the advice giver family members and friends who never went though this. They all think they know best when the right thing to do is a crap shoot. Do what you think is right.
Posted on 8/20/24 at 10:38 pm to LSU alum wannabe
quote:
Likewish other power of attorney.
If you have any siblings, make sure you all are on the same page about these major decisions or it could tear the family apart.
Posted on 8/20/24 at 10:40 pm to LSU alum wannabe
Do you have siblings? If so, be transparent about what you’re doing.
Posted on 8/20/24 at 10:48 pm to biglego
quote:
didn’t know you were a chick
I can send you noodz.
You will be disappointed.
Unless hairy scrotums are your fetish
Posted on 8/21/24 at 12:35 am to L5UT1ger
quote:
A little advice from someone going through this right now with both parents: get all of their money out of their name asap. Talk to an estate planning attorney. Get a durable general power of attorney. Get your name on all their bank accounts in case one parent
With the help of an elder care attorney we took some very clever steps that would have qualified her for medicaid and preserved most of their assets. And then she passed away the week we turned in the application. Moral of the story: you do the best you can, but you're in a situation you have very little actual control over.
Posted on 8/21/24 at 12:53 am to LSU alum wannabe
You definitely need an atty as you need a general durable POA as well as a medical POA. Contacting and obtaining an atty should be done ASAP. I wish you well with what you're about to go through-it's difficult in many ways. You're to be commended in your willingness to help and take care of your folks.
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