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re: Let’s celebrate your failed marriage

Posted on 1/28/24 at 7:27 pm to
Posted by tigger42day
Just south of Mizery
Member since Oct 2004
7125 posts
Posted on 1/28/24 at 7:27 pm to
I imagine he got to talk to a lawyer or a friend who asked him WTF was he doing posting that shite on social media.

Posting stuff like that shows up negatively in court.
This post was edited on 2/3/24 at 10:31 am
Posted by Will Cover
St. Louis, MO
Member since Mar 2007
38553 posts
Posted on 1/28/24 at 7:28 pm to
Technically married for 18 years, separated before our 17th, and was together for almost 25 years.

Divorced now for 15 months.

In three words, I can explain all of this: Life goes on. I learned a new normal. And on some days, it's better than the old.

Posted by fallguy_1978
Best States #50
Member since Feb 2018
48642 posts
Posted on 1/28/24 at 7:55 pm to
quote:

Technically married for 18 years, separated before our 17th, and was together for almost 25 years.

Divorced now for 15 months.

Why did it fall apart after that long? Obviously if you are willing to share.
Posted by Will Cover
St. Louis, MO
Member since Mar 2007
38553 posts
Posted on 1/28/24 at 8:14 pm to
quote:

Why did it fall apart after that long?


Score keeping, not able to meet each other's expectations, lack of understanding each other's perspective, selfish behaviors, holding on to power, and ultimately disrespect, anger, and lack of forgiveness.

I didn't take her warnings when she was giving them. I missed them completely. By the time she moved out, she was done. She wouldn't go to therapy, didn't want to do any family outings, date each other, or discuss our relationship.

I didn't agree with her choices, but I learned to respect them, from a distance. She had just as much say in our relationship, and if she wasn't ready to talk about us, she wasn't ready. My ex-wife doesn't like conflict, avoids it at all cost, and will stonewall. I used to push, wanting to "fix it now" and was unaware of our different communication styles.

I had to learn to reconcile our relationship in my own mind.

This post was edited on 1/28/24 at 8:16 pm
Posted by Sput
Member since Mar 2020
7961 posts
Posted on 1/28/24 at 8:19 pm to
quote:

Apparently got whacked


Did the cheating wife do the whacking?
Posted by tiggerthetooth
Big Momma's House
Member since Oct 2010
61307 posts
Posted on 1/28/24 at 8:25 pm to
quote:

Just curious.

Why would you encourage him to avoid what had been the bedrock of society for thousands of years?


Exactly. If I had a nickel for every boomer that said "never get married". .

A lot of millennials took their advice and now everyone's upset.


Boomers were simply an awful value-less generation that had traditional values almost by osmosis and they failed to pass on the values that builds societies to gen-X and millennials.


My own boomer parents never spoke a single word about getting married and what it means and why it's important in my entire life. Not one. Not church, nobody at the church, no other parents, anyone. No one.


If I didn't hear anything after being around lots of Christians and married people, I can't imagine secular kids heard anything either.




Posted by fallguy_1978
Best States #50
Member since Feb 2018
48642 posts
Posted on 1/28/24 at 8:27 pm to
quote:

Score keeping, not able to meet each other's expectations, lack of understanding each other's perspective, selfish behaviors, holding on to power, and ultimately disrespect, anger, and lack of forgiveness.

Gotcha. We've been married a similar amount of time. I wish you both future luck and happiness
Posted by RogerTheShrubber
Juneau, AK
Member since Jan 2009
260947 posts
Posted on 1/28/24 at 8:31 pm to
Married 18 years the first time (17 good ones) and 16 years with the current incarnation. 6 years in between with a variety of strange relationships.

Still on good terms with the first wife. One regret I have, she wanted to try again and I didnt. Shes a great lady.
This post was edited on 1/28/24 at 8:32 pm
Posted by fallguy_1978
Best States #50
Member since Feb 2018
48642 posts
Posted on 1/28/24 at 8:34 pm to
We've been together for 21 years, married for 19. I'd be lying if I said it was always easy, but I feel like our marriage is better now than it was 10 years ago.
Posted by Sofaking2
Member since Apr 2023
3882 posts
Posted on 1/28/24 at 8:39 pm to
quote:

Divorce rates are down a pretty good margin the last two decades, and on top of that the chance of divorce drops sharply for people married at 25+ years of age, and drop again when they get married at 30+.
Less and less people are even bothering to get married. Majority of adults probably won’t be married by 2030(only 45% of women). State marriage has outlived its usefulness anyway. It’s a waste of time and money. Just get rid of state sponsored marriages. Get the government out of the marriage business.
This post was edited on 1/28/24 at 8:42 pm
Posted by Will Cover
St. Louis, MO
Member since Mar 2007
38553 posts
Posted on 1/28/24 at 8:39 pm to
quote:

fallguy_1978


quote:

Gotcha. We've been married a similar amount of time. I wish you both future luck and happiness




I don't know if I will ever get remarried, time will tell.

But I do know that I will be much better this time around, as I have really learned a lot about myself, and who I've been, and who I want to be.
Posted by tiger81
Brentwood, TN.
Member since Jan 2008
18834 posts
Posted on 1/28/24 at 8:40 pm to
Roy Rogers : "Marriage is give and take...it's about 95 % give,and about 5 % take ". Truth from what I've seen..
Posted by LSUJML
BR
Member since May 2008
45695 posts
Posted on 1/28/24 at 8:42 pm to
Getting married for the 1st time sometime later this year
My 1st, her 2nd (divorced for 10 years)
I think the fact that we are older & established makes a huge difference in our chance of making it for the long haul
Posted by fallguy_1978
Best States #50
Member since Feb 2018
48642 posts
Posted on 1/28/24 at 8:46 pm to
Life doesn't come with an instruction manual unfortunately.
Posted by Sofaking2
Member since Apr 2023
3882 posts
Posted on 1/28/24 at 8:57 pm to
I have been married a long time. In this secular society everything is about feelings and instant gratification. Feelings are overrated. The answer is a sacramental marriage and not whatever this society has turned into. I was married in God’s eyes and don’t give a crap what the government says.
Posted by geauxmojo69
Member since Mar 2020
25 posts
Posted on 2/2/24 at 3:02 pm to
I am literally living this exact scenario right now. Been separated for 10 days. I'm sleeping in my office. We're speaking now, probably better than ever, but she doesn't know if she wants to continue the marriage. I'm at a loss and hoping we can resolve it but it doesn't look good.
Posted by HubbaBubba
F_uck Joe Biden, TX
Member since Oct 2010
45799 posts
Posted on 2/2/24 at 3:06 pm to
quote:

Married for 24 years.
Together for 27 years.
Now, divorced for over 3 years.

What happened? My 25th anniversary is coming up. Want to avoid issues.
Posted by Hookah
Member since Nov 2023
105 posts
Posted on 2/2/24 at 3:12 pm to
quote:

Score keeping, not able to meet each other's expectations, lack of understanding each other's perspective, selfish behaviors, holding on to power, and ultimately disrespect, anger, and lack of forgiveness. I didn't take her warnings when she was giving them. I missed them completely. By the time she moved out, she was done. She wouldn't go to therapy, didn't want to do any family outings, date each other, or discuss our relationship. I didn't agree with her choices, but I learned to respect them, from a distance. She had just as much say in our relationship, and if she wasn't ready to talk about us, she wasn't ready. My ex-wife doesn't like conflict, avoids it at all cost, and will stonewall. I used to push, wanting to "fix it now" and was unaware of our different communication styles. I had to learn to reconcile our relationship in my own mind.


What shitty excuses to get a divorce.
Posted by Longhorn Actual
Member since Dec 2023
927 posts
Posted on 2/2/24 at 3:15 pm to
Posted by S1C EM
Athens, GA
Member since Nov 2007
11585 posts
Posted on 2/2/24 at 3:19 pm to
quote:

How much time do you have?

To be honest, I still have a lot of questions myself. To simplify, she said, “I’m just not happy anymore.”


So I'm curious. Were there gradual signs that led to this culmination of "just not happy?" Were you guys not outwardly affectionate toward each other? Lackluster sex life? Lack of interest in each other's dealings in general? It just seems unlikely that it hit a wall out of nowhere, but I don't know.
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