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re: Just found out through Ancestry.com that I had a child when I was 19

Posted on 7/10/20 at 6:16 pm to
Posted by Hamma1122
Member since Sep 2016
21787 posts
Posted on 7/10/20 at 6:16 pm to
Get a test
Posted by financetiger
Member since Feb 2008
1838 posts
Posted on 7/10/20 at 6:17 pm to
Yes, he's supposed to be getting his own testing done. The way it showed up is that his wife did their children's DNA. I came back as the grandfather. She messaged me telling me this and then from there she told me his name. She was doing this for him. He did not actually reach out. She said he's in shock that they found me and was processing it but understood if I didn't want a relationship. Said she knew I'd probably have a family now.
Posted by GreatLakesTiger24
Member since May 2012
58867 posts
Posted on 7/10/20 at 6:17 pm to
quote:

She's not upset at all.
Posted by TheGooner
Baton Rouwage
Member since Jul 2016
1208 posts
Posted on 7/10/20 at 6:17 pm to
This exact thing happened to my older brother last year. They’ve all met up and become pretty close.

He found out that he had a grown daughter and 3 grand kids.
Posted by Cracker
in a box
Member since Nov 2009
19080 posts
Posted on 7/10/20 at 6:17 pm to
Why the frick would anyone do these stupid stupid tests
Posted by ScopeCreep
In the thick
Member since Jul 2016
686 posts
Posted on 7/10/20 at 6:18 pm to
Mannnn... yeah this brings me back to Christmas 2018 when my dad found out his dad wasn’t his dad. His mom and dad and real dad were all long dead. He found out thru 23andMe. My sister actually figured it out when her sample didn’t line up with our aunt’s like it should have.

If you want to discuss offline I’ll be happy to talk but it’s just wayyyyy too much to discuss on here.
Posted by LSUBoo
Knoxville, TN
Member since Mar 2006
103447 posts
Posted on 7/10/20 at 6:19 pm to
quote:

Any advice from anyone that's ever been in this situation?


I have never been in this situation... but if I was I would contact a lawyer and want more proof before taking the next step.
Posted by AU4real35
Member since Jan 2014
16065 posts
Posted on 7/10/20 at 6:19 pm to
quote:

Said she knew I'd probably have a family now.


Seeing that you’re almost fifty and wasn’t using protection as a teenager,I’d bet her assumption is spot on.
Posted by tigerbandpiccolo
Member since Oct 2005
49436 posts
Posted on 7/10/20 at 6:19 pm to
I would be afraid to do this for fear of finding unknown siblings or other relatives

My aunt (dads sister) did it and we found out she and my dad have a brother no one knew about, including my paw paw. It was a one night stand when he was in the army before ever meeting my grandmother. He never knew about the kid. He looks just like my dad, and his girls look just like me. Weird.
Posted by Kraut Dawg
Member since Sep 2012
4716 posts
Posted on 7/10/20 at 6:20 pm to
(no message)
This post was edited on 11/8/20 at 4:05 am
Posted by baldona
Florida
Member since Feb 2016
23308 posts
Posted on 7/10/20 at 6:20 pm to
First off, this is why I come to the OT. Good stuff. I wish you the best. You should definitely try to talk to the grandparents also.

Good luck OP.
Posted by Backinthe615
Member since Nov 2011
6871 posts
Posted on 7/10/20 at 6:21 pm to
At least this happened in an otherwise uneventful year.

I have a cousin that found out he had an adult son he didn't know about, and it turned out better for all.
Posted by UncleLester
West of the Mississippi
Member since Aug 2008
8982 posts
Posted on 7/10/20 at 6:22 pm to
quote:

Why the frick would anyone do these stupid stupid tests


To confirm that they are 8% Ukrainian and 6% East Asian.

Definitely must be a life changing experience to get the results...
Posted by DownSouthCrawfish
Lift every voice and sing
Member since Oct 2011
40514 posts
Posted on 7/10/20 at 6:22 pm to
This is funny because I have an uncle who has gone through pretty much your exact situation except an unknown daughter instead of son.
Posted by jodyHighroller
TD Premium Member
Member since Apr 2016
714 posts
Posted on 7/10/20 at 6:24 pm to
sleep with the boys wife and move to Church Point.
Posted by financetiger
Member since Feb 2008
1838 posts
Posted on 7/10/20 at 6:24 pm to
quote:

How do you feel about this? Obviously it worked out for everyone involved, but in the end you missed out on your son’s life. I really don’t know how I would feel about it.


Exactly what I'm feeling. Don't think they want anything. His wife said that several times. I messaged back I am glad he found me and that I am sorry I didn't know of him years ago. I just don't know what to think. Wife is truly not upset, just shocked.
And again, not to be mean, but you don't want pics of the mom. Sounds like she's had some struggles of her own along the years.
Posted by LSUBoo
Knoxville, TN
Member since Mar 2006
103447 posts
Posted on 7/10/20 at 6:24 pm to
quote:

To confirm that they are 8% Ukrainian and 6% East Asian.


My sister did one so I already know this.

Well, assuming that we have the same parents. I am going to just keep assuming that and go on with my life.
Posted by CoachChappy
Member since May 2013
34073 posts
Posted on 7/10/20 at 6:25 pm to
quote:

Thought it was a joke at first and someone trying to scam us. Then his wife sent me some pics to go check out on her FB and my wife immediately said, "he's your son".



Well, congrats on the new kid and potential grandkids
Posted by Puck82
Baton Rouge
Member since Mar 2009
23948 posts
Posted on 7/10/20 at 6:27 pm to
quote:

Sounds like she's had some struggles of her own along the years.


Evidently if his grandparents raised him. I get you forgetting the mother’s name. You haven’t thought about her for 30 years. But she had a daily reminder for that same time period.
Posted by SECdragonmaster
Order of the Dragons
Member since Dec 2013
17312 posts
Posted on 7/10/20 at 6:27 pm to
I agree with others.

Make sure he is genetically yours first.

Then reach out and offer to meet up for lunch.

Take things from there and make sure he knows you had no idea he existed.

If he wants nothing to do with you - that should be HIS choice, not yours or his biological mothers.
This post was edited on 7/10/20 at 8:02 pm
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