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re: Is this a red flag? ie: dating and dealing with girl's mom
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:55 pm to lsuwontonwrap
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:55 pm to lsuwontonwrap
she is an independent adult and makes a choice of her parents wishes over your wishes. This is a red flag, and you owe it to your relationship to discuss it with her.
1
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:55 pm to Arkla Missy
I think you're right in theory but I know a ton of girls with good-hearted moms who have just needed periods to adjust. Especially in the south, and especially with girls getting older before getting married (thus meaning their moms can be their closest friend for longer).
I also know girls who have terrible mothers who do what you're talking about, but that may not always be the case.
I also know girls who have terrible mothers who do what you're talking about, but that may not always be the case.
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:56 pm to Arkla Missy
quote:
daughter needs to get more than a mile away from mom to avoid the bullshite & live her own life; otherwise, things won't change because mom sure as hell ain't changing.
Oh, I agree. But it's not always easy for someone to pack up and leave. It is easy however for the daughter to tell her mom she will have her bf sleep over as much as he/she wants.
Acquiescing to the mom, whether she lives a mile away or 20 miles away is a root problem. It won't change unless daughter/gf puts a stop to it.
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:57 pm to Pettifogger
quote:
I think you're right in theory but I know a ton of girls with good-hearted moms who have just needed periods to adjust. Especially in the south, and especially with girls getting older before getting married (thus meaning their moms can be their closest friend for longer).
Well, yeah, that's "normal" moms.
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:57 pm to zztop1234
quote:
Run dude.. it will only get worse
This may be your only option. 28 year olds still getting "big lectures" from mom ain't good. I wonder if mom somehow gave her some $$$ to purchase the house. If that's the case, mom will start dictating what goes on.
In this case, mom appears to be a control freak. It will get worse and you will always be blamed.
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:57 pm to Ponchy Tiger
quote:
Your over thinking it. She is just being a mom.
wtf kinda moms did you weirdos have? Does yours still bring you an otter pop after you finish your lunch break at work, too?
The behavior as described is not normal, period
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:58 pm to Rouge
Exactly. Imagine if they marry and the mom still tries to run shop (and you know she will). That will kill a marriage.
Posted on 3/1/14 at 3:58 pm to EmperorGout
quote:his mom died at 6 year old of breast cancer, so why dont you choke on a bag of AIDS dicks
wtf kinda moms did you weirdos have?
Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:00 pm to lsuwontonwrap
Mom will do anything she can to keep her little princess. The only way to win is by destroying mom. Good luck !
Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:00 pm to Rouge
sorry for not being telepathic bud
Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:01 pm to EmperorGout
quote:
wtf kinda moms did you weirdos have? Does yours still bring you an otter pop after you finish your lunch break at work, too?
People being close with their parents isn't weird, nor is getting lectures from your parents at that age.
Now, letting closeness/lectures dictate how you handle everything is not healthy.
But my parents have damn sure earned the right for me to sit there for 20 minutes and listen to what they have to say, at any age.
Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:02 pm to lsuwontonwrap
Sounds like there's a reason this broad hasn't snagged a hubby yet.
This post was edited on 3/1/14 at 4:03 pm
Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:02 pm to zztop1234
quote:This is the only answer.
Run dude.. it will only get worse
Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:03 pm to Sho Nuff
quote:
It is easy however for the daughter to tell her mom she will have her bf sleep over as much as he/she wants.
If the mom is super controlling, usually that means super judgmental, as well, and can have a special knack for pushing just the right buttons to make daughter feel like shite about these types of issues. In that case, I'd strongly advise daughter & boyfriend to keep their personal life private & out of sight of mom. It just makes things much easier all around.
I still think the best thing is to relocate in extreme situations such as mom barging in unannounced, even when "boundaries" have been set.
Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:04 pm to lsuwontonwrap
There really is only one course of action if you intend to get serious with this girl:
You aren't within your rights to put mom in her place now, but if you marry her, you will have a sit down with nosy Nate and tell her how it is. If you don't think you can do this, drop the girl now.
At present, you need to make this girl aware of how life is going to be, should you remain in the picture.
Also, plan on moving. Don't plan on moving in with her. Only betas do that anyway.
You aren't within your rights to put mom in her place now, but if you marry her, you will have a sit down with nosy Nate and tell her how it is. If you don't think you can do this, drop the girl now.
At present, you need to make this girl aware of how life is going to be, should you remain in the picture.
Also, plan on moving. Don't plan on moving in with her. Only betas do that anyway.
Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:04 pm to Arkla Missy
Threads like this make me appreciate my MIL... not sure how id deal with a bitchy one that can't mind her own business.
Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:04 pm to Pettifogger
quote:
People being close with their parents isn't weird, nor is getting lectures from your parents at that age.
Now, letting closeness/lectures dictate how you handle everything is not healthy.
But my parents have damn sure earned the right for me to sit there for 20 minutes and listen to what they have to say, at any age.
Damn, you people with all this respect for your parents...how you mystify me
Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:06 pm to Arkla Missy
The sleeping over thing is interesting too, especially if daughter is like mom. Deep down, daughter may have some theoretical objection to it as well, and it puts her in a weird spot to tell her mom to screw off.
I've had this situation with plenty of stuff (like getting drunk a lot in college), where I can't exactly tell my folks "you're wrong, there is nothing wrong with getting hammered all the time!" So brushing them back until they get over it is the play. But the boundary thing is obvious as well.
I've had this situation with plenty of stuff (like getting drunk a lot in college), where I can't exactly tell my folks "you're wrong, there is nothing wrong with getting hammered all the time!" So brushing them back until they get over it is the play. But the boundary thing is obvious as well.
Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:06 pm to Arkla Missy
I keep my door locked at all times,, momma can't come in my room,, boundaries are set, I'm in control.
Posted on 3/1/14 at 4:07 pm to Pettifogger
quote:
Now the coming over whenever part could be problematic, but they've probably been doing that for a while (and daughter may well like it). If the mom controls the daughter, I'd run. If they're just BFF and the mom is protective/old fashioned, that's just the cost of doing business.
All of this, he definitely needs to have discussion with the gf. Do it in a serious but none confrontational way. He will likely know if its a red flag based on the reaction of the gf. If she gets defensive and bitches then he has a problem. If she says she is just respecting her mom, because she is old fashioned or something along them lines, then IMO he might have found a keeper.
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