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re: Inheriting a mentally disabled sibling
Posted on 6/26/25 at 7:22 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
Posted on 6/26/25 at 7:22 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
This sounds like the exact situation my parents had with my brother and the people they are with dad cutting off funds and mom having her head in the sand. Do not make arrangements for him to stay in the house unless you are OK with the value dropping drastically and having legal issues. It becomes a big mess when he invites his friends from the weed store to his home and that kind of thing. Assisted living or an apartment is the way to go. Drug brain problems are not the same as regular injuries/birth defects. He will do more drugs and drink more once your parents are gone. It is not your fault. You cannot build enough insulation in to protect him from yourself(eta-should have been himself). Selling the house and using those funds in addition to what he is left is the best way to go for his long term care.
This post was edited on 6/26/25 at 8:03 am
1
Posted on 6/26/25 at 7:25 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
Helpful thread, IMO.
Random question, but do you live in a small or large TX town? As in, suburban neighborhood or maybe rural on a few acres?
Posted on 6/26/25 at 7:27 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
Some realistic outcomes: -The house will turn into a dump -Police will be called at some point when he gets confused or threatens someone -he will end up on the streets again and will be lost forever.
Sounds like assisted living is his only option, and if that spirals him what you’ve mentioned above is far worse than a spiral. Unless his half of the estate affords him 24 hour in home care, the home is the option.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 7:34 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
Retirement homes are full of 90 year olds and he is still young,
That's not really the case anymore. There will be people his age or close to it. The residents of Nursing Homes are getting younger. Some of the reasons for that is because of sutuations like your brother's. Talk to an attorney that handles special needs cases. There are also some Life Insurance agents that specialize in special needs due to their personal experiences. They can be very helpful as well. Good luck OP.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 7:36 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
Everything comes to me and I am to use my brothers half for his care
Get professional advice but likely should get his portion into a trust, special needs trust if his condition qualifies. Otherwise, you have tax liability whereas his tax rate would potentially be little or none. Also need to consider if assets will impact his eligibility for aid and subsidised care. Special needs trust may help with that issue.
I'm feel for ya. I face a similar future sounds like mine isnt quite as severe (yet). Cant sustain himself without parental support and they have put nothing in place
Just expect me to step in and be my entirely dysfunctional brother's keeper I suppose.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 7:38 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
Wait...is he STILL using?
Posted on 6/26/25 at 7:40 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
The one thing you should not do is bring him into YOUR home.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 7:46 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
In my mind, his past mistakes are not your burden, they're his. I pray that you do what is in your heart and for the sake of yourself and your family first. I probably sound cold, but addicts bring it upon themselves over a long period of time, and they pass up many opportunities for help along the way.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 7:46 am to Sao
quote:
Random question, but do you live in a small or large TX town? As in, suburban neighborhood or maybe rural on a few acres?
I live in a central Houston neighborhood. My brother would be the talk of the town in my neighborhood and I would quickly become a pariah amongst my neighbors
Posted on 6/26/25 at 7:52 am to 4Bagger
quote:
I probably sound cold, but addicts bring it upon themselves over a long period of time, and they pass up many opportunities for help along the way.
I don’t think you sound cold here.
Having grown up around addicts, having a parent who was an addict, seeing them my propensity to help wanes. I feel sorry for them because I don’t think it’s their fault they are the way they are. But that is the reality of it.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 7:54 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
I doubt any nursing home or assisted living facility would even consider housing him since he seems physically able to drive and do chores. That, along with his muddled mind and proclivity to seek out and use drugs makes that discussion a non-starter.
The same applies to him remaining in your parents home. He would quickly devolve into a threat to the community, at least perceptually. And you’re right, the home would become an eyesore and lose value.
You are going to have to make some very hard and brutal decisions soon. Other than taking him in and becoming his overseer, you might explore any next-of-kin powers that Missouri has over mentally disabled relatives. You may be able to have him committed to a mental institution if Missouri provides those.
The same applies to him remaining in your parents home. He would quickly devolve into a threat to the community, at least perceptually. And you’re right, the home would become an eyesore and lose value.
You are going to have to make some very hard and brutal decisions soon. Other than taking him in and becoming his overseer, you might explore any next-of-kin powers that Missouri has over mentally disabled relatives. You may be able to have him committed to a mental institution if Missouri provides those.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 7:58 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
One thing you may want to begin looking into at some point is petitioning for guardianship/conservatorship over your brother. Being appointed as his guardian and conservator would allow you to manage his affairs on his behalf. Unfortunately, it sounds like he probably doesn’t have the capacity to sign a power of attorney, so if you wanted the authority to deal with his affairs, guardianship/conservatorship would be the route you would need to take. Since your brother lives in Missouri, you would need to consult with a Missouri attorney about how that process works there.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 8:01 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:not being snarky and I kind of hate to say it but chat gpt/grok is great for this type of thing
Like who??? Not snarky, I really need to know who I can start calling I’m lucky I live in a world of highly functioning adults, but I’m clueless about the world of government entitlement services.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 8:07 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
Any adult people in the area that you trust?
If he is comfortable in the basement, any chance you could let someone live rent free in the house- as long as they supervise your brother like your parents do?
If he is comfortable in the basement, any chance you could let someone live rent free in the house- as long as they supervise your brother like your parents do?
Posted on 6/26/25 at 8:07 am to junior
For a 55-year-old with substance use disorder and mental health issues in Missouri:
- **SAMHSA Helpline**: Call 1-800-662-HELP or visit FindTreatment.gov for local treatment options, including detox, inpatient, and outpatient care.[](LINK [](LINK
- **Missouri Division of Behavioral Health (DBH)**: Offers prevention, treatment, and recovery services through community-based programs. Priority for serious mental illness, pregnant women, and IV drug users. Contact (573) 751-4942 or (800) 575-7480.[](LINK [](LINK
- **Community Mental Health Centers (CMHCs)**: Provide assessments, therapy, and personalized plans for mental health and substance use. Find locations at dmh.mo.gov.[](LINK
- **Certified Community Behavioral Health Clinics (CCBHCs)**: Address both mental health and substance misuse with integrated care. Locate via dmh.mo.gov.[](LINK
- **988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline**: 24/7 support for mental health or substance use crises. Call or text 988.[](LINK
- **Compass Health Network**: Offers outpatient and inpatient treatment, including NAVIG8 for adolescents and Women and Children Centers. Accepts Medicaid.[](LINK [](LINK
- **Healing House Inc.**: Long-term recovery housing for men, women, and up to 25 children, with outpatient and sober living options. Certified by Missouri DMH.[](LINK
- **Missouri Addiction Hotline**: Free, 24/7 crisis counseling and referrals at 866-210-1303.[](LINK
- **Al-Anon/Nar-Anon**: Family support groups for coping with loved one’s addiction. Find meetings at al-anon.org or nar-anon.org.
- **Medicaid (MO HealthNet)**: Covers detox, inpatient, outpatient, and medication-assisted treatment for eligible low-income individuals. Call 1-800-513-5423 for enrollment help.[](LINK
Contact SAMHSA or DBH for tailored referrals, and explore Al-Anon/Nar-Anon for family support. Caregivers should access respite services to manage stress.
- **SAMHSA Helpline**: Call 1-800-662-HELP or visit FindTreatment.gov for local treatment options, including detox, inpatient, and outpatient care.[](LINK [](LINK
- **Missouri Division of Behavioral Health (DBH)**: Offers prevention, treatment, and recovery services through community-based programs. Priority for serious mental illness, pregnant women, and IV drug users. Contact (573) 751-4942 or (800) 575-7480.[](LINK [](LINK
- **Community Mental Health Centers (CMHCs)**: Provide assessments, therapy, and personalized plans for mental health and substance use. Find locations at dmh.mo.gov.[](LINK
- **Certified Community Behavioral Health Clinics (CCBHCs)**: Address both mental health and substance misuse with integrated care. Locate via dmh.mo.gov.[](LINK
- **988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline**: 24/7 support for mental health or substance use crises. Call or text 988.[](LINK
- **Compass Health Network**: Offers outpatient and inpatient treatment, including NAVIG8 for adolescents and Women and Children Centers. Accepts Medicaid.[](LINK [](LINK
- **Healing House Inc.**: Long-term recovery housing for men, women, and up to 25 children, with outpatient and sober living options. Certified by Missouri DMH.[](LINK
- **Missouri Addiction Hotline**: Free, 24/7 crisis counseling and referrals at 866-210-1303.[](LINK
- **Al-Anon/Nar-Anon**: Family support groups for coping with loved one’s addiction. Find meetings at al-anon.org or nar-anon.org.
- **Medicaid (MO HealthNet)**: Covers detox, inpatient, outpatient, and medication-assisted treatment for eligible low-income individuals. Call 1-800-513-5423 for enrollment help.[](LINK
Contact SAMHSA or DBH for tailored referrals, and explore Al-Anon/Nar-Anon for family support. Caregivers should access respite services to manage stress.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 8:08 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
My parents are in their 80’s and declining quickly. They are currently caring for my big brother (55) who after 30 years of hard drugs, alcohol, huffing, and homelessness has managed to almost completely fry his brain. He has bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, is deaf, mostly toothless and lives like a hermit in their basement. Making things more complicated, he lives in Missouri and will remain there because it is fairly generous with its benefits compared to Texas where I am.
Has anyone here ever had to manage a dependent sibling from afar? Any advice, legal, emotional, logistical or otherwise?
Lord help me I have already raised three kids and I don’t know if I have the energy for this.
This sucks bro, I feel for your folks and for you frankly. I'd ask around for professional help if I were you because I have no idea what to do in this situation. Was your brother already having mental issues before the drugs or did he take a taste one day and then spiraled from there?
Posted on 6/26/25 at 8:11 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
quote:
live in a central Houston neighborhood. My brother would be the talk of the town in my neighborhood and I would quickly become a pariah amongst my neighbors
Ahh, okay. Totally changes my perspective and advice. I'm at a loss on your next move and I hate that for you. I think this type of thread and conversation is important as I guarantee you're not alone. If he's a danger to others, or can "snap", that's such a huge deal all around. I'm perplexed.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 8:49 am to madamsquirrel
quote:
Do not make arrangements for him to stay in the house unless you are OK with the value dropping drastically and having legal issues.
You also need to make sure that if he stays in the house your name is no longer on it as part of your inheritance. If you jointly own the home with your brother you can potentially be held liable if he invites some of his drug friends over. You can have some protections as a non-resident owner, but it's not much since the other owner is living there. But this is all something you should speak with an attorney about.
This post was edited on 6/26/25 at 8:50 am
Posted on 6/26/25 at 9:34 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
I was hoping for a Rain Man type situation for you.
Put him in a men's home. The state has housing for men like that with someone who checks in on them. I will caution you though, a lot of butt fricking goes on in there.
quote:
my big brother (55) who after 30 years of hard drugs, alcohol, huffing, and homelessness has managed to almost completely fry his brain.
Put him in a men's home. The state has housing for men like that with someone who checks in on them. I will caution you though, a lot of butt fricking goes on in there.
Posted on 6/26/25 at 9:36 am to TigerBaitOohHaHa
Look into state ran behavioral/mental health facilities
Our country needs more of these but I’m seeing more guys your brothers age who are living in nursing homes with people 20-30 years older
Our country needs more of these but I’m seeing more guys your brothers age who are living in nursing homes with people 20-30 years older
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