re: I'm not crazy, you're crazy - Borderline Personality Disorder

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It's a serious disorder but the severity of it varies greatly and more importantly it's entirely treatable with therapy and or meds. The serious problem is if the person is in denial and refusing to get care which is often the case. Ignore the anecdotal hyperbole of some of these morons.

Check out the characteristics of codependency for both of you LINK

Codependency looks like personality disorders but is not quite as destructive. Are you or your wife cutters? Self harm and suicide attempts are important characteristics of bpd

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I agree with this, although I hate to call her my enemy. I am not at all confident that I would get custody at any rate. She doesnt have violent, loud, aggressive outbursts that I can document. She goes internal and quiet. It's all very subtle which is why I'm not, even still, convinced of whether or not she actually has it. Plus her family has deeper pockets than I could ever even dream going toe to toe with in court, and they would absolutely have her back.

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Information is your friend. I went balls out with child development counsel and legal counsel. It costs monies but it is well worth it to regain some control and to know what your options are. You end up able to anticipate and prepare for their next nutty move. Take the time to start moving the situation into a better position should an end be required. Its a slow miserable process but you regain yourself as you go. While you are still on the inside you can adjust things, do as much as possible before a trigger is pulled and papers get signed. Once signed it's nearly impossible to make changes afterwards. Develop an extensive coparenting plan that removes ambiguity. Ambiguity is their tool and your enemy long term as a coparent. Mom's House, Dad's House is an excellent book to use as a benchmark in planning. Plan for the worst and make the worst less bad before it happens. Hope for the best. Good news is that you are absolutely not alone in this situation. There are tons and tons of dudes online going through it and sharing notes and plans.

If she has BPD, she's not an OT 10. That being said, BPD is a really difficult mental illness for those around them.

OP: two books on this that were recommended to me when I was dating my ex with BPD
1. I hate you don’t leave me
2. Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder

Your wife needs to be in heavy duty therapy but the problem is getting people with BPD to admit that they have a problem that requires therapy.

All I can say is good luck

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She's an OT 10, trust me.

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Would have to be to put up with that shite.

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I still don’t fully understand bpd.

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It’s an excuse for why a woman is an antisocial bitch and a pain in the arse

Whoever pointed out earlier the fact that it is easy to see once you are out of the relationship is spot on. The one that moves on and has a normal life is obviously not the crazy one. The one who continues to have issues with everyone (and can't maintain a relationship, job, has drug addictions, anger outbursts, etc) is.

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