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Message
1
Posted on 1/2/17 at 11:24 pm to tooshea8
It is outstanding of you to have this response to your situation and to step up to the plate. Many people continue to be douches even after paternity tests and never really parent successfully because they resent the baby's mother. It seems like you are truly interested in doing what is best for your child and in that sense you probably don't need much advice from this board at all. Kudos to you for being a great parent, even if you are new at this.
Posted on 1/2/17 at 11:27 pm to tooshea8
Well I'm not trying to say anything negative towards you or misogynistic towards her, this is about human nature. It's totally against human nature for her to approach you after all this time. Normal people don't do something like this to a 3 year old, no matter how bad they were wrong before he was born, unless they have an ulterior motive. The simplest, easiest and probably best thing for that child would have been to just let everyone keep thinking her ex was his father. There's a reason she came to you and it isn't a good one. You need to understand that and be prepared for the problems she will give you. It's like you not only got an instant son, you got an instant ex wife too.
Posted on 1/2/17 at 11:27 pm to tooshea8
(no message)
This post was edited on 5/13/21 at 10:07 pm
Posted on 1/2/17 at 11:28 pm to Paige
What the frick are you even talking about? I've never once said "women are evil".
None of this is because she is a split-tail.
It's because this particular woman has engaged in a damaging series of lies and manipulations that threaten the kid's well being.
From knowingly getting back with the husband when he wasn't the father and waiting 3 years then telling him, to her current behavior.
I propose he do exactly what I said and take as many safeguards to protect his son from the manipulative mom, who will jump ship and take the kid with her if it proves advantageous.
I propose he not trust her, since she isn't trustworthy. It's the same pattern over and over with people like this.
It's a script. And if he wants the best for his kid and to avoid drama he'll take the advice he doesn't want to hear and put the wheels in motion to protect the both of them.
None of this is because she is a split-tail.
It's because this particular woman has engaged in a damaging series of lies and manipulations that threaten the kid's well being.
From knowingly getting back with the husband when he wasn't the father and waiting 3 years then telling him, to her current behavior.
I propose he do exactly what I said and take as many safeguards to protect his son from the manipulative mom, who will jump ship and take the kid with her if it proves advantageous.
I propose he not trust her, since she isn't trustworthy. It's the same pattern over and over with people like this.
It's a script. And if he wants the best for his kid and to avoid drama he'll take the advice he doesn't want to hear and put the wheels in motion to protect the both of them.
Posted on 1/2/17 at 11:29 pm to thelawnwranglers
Stick a GPS to the car.
Posted on 1/2/17 at 11:31 pm to fr33manator
That in no way tells a dude how to hang out with, get to know and bond with his new little buddy
Posted on 1/2/17 at 11:31 pm to tooshea8
Damn what kind of trashy woman were you getting with to keep that hidden all this time?
Posted on 1/2/17 at 11:31 pm to fr33manator
quote:
See, that's your problem. You only want to hear the attaboys. And those are fine. But the Ones that you really need to listen to are the ones warning you of what's gonna happen. Because they've seen it happen. You don't want to think about it but protecting yourself and your kid NOW is gonna pay dividends later. If you don't safeguard against the mom, who has shown a pattern of behavior, you'll regret it.
No sir it's not. I'm am very cautious about what is to come and what is to be. That is why I immediately contacted an attorney to protect myself and my son from what could possibly happen. That is why I had the legal papers signed and approved by a judge within a month of finding out about my son. I appreciate constructive comments. However, there are comments that are inevitably going to be made on the O-T that I will ignore for obvious reasons.
Posted on 1/2/17 at 11:34 pm to tooshea8
quote:
I'm actually really happy that he is mine. I would really appreciate any positive advice.
You're not gonna like this one but if the paternity test was conducted by the Louisiana family services frickers its not worth the paper its printed on. I personally know of three cases where the "father" took the word of the state of Louisiana then found out years later that they weren't the father. Pay for your own test, it'll be even more awkward years down the road.
Posted on 1/2/17 at 11:34 pm to Paige
Well sometimes people need to hear the hard stuff and be prepared for the shitstorm before they worry about flowers and puppy tails.
That's what a father does, primo.
He protects and provides.
That's what a father does, primo.
He protects and provides.
Posted on 1/2/17 at 11:34 pm to tooshea8
quote:
However, there are comments that are inevitably going to be made on the O-T that I will ignore for obvious reasons.
Don't ignore, sometimes the OT can teach you how not to be. From example.
This post was edited on 1/2/17 at 11:36 pm
Posted on 1/2/17 at 11:35 pm to tooshea8
quote:
tooshea8
For the record, your response is admirable and deserves a good on ya
Posted on 1/2/17 at 11:35 pm to Paige
quote:
That in no way tells a dude how to hang out with, get to know and bond with his new little buddy
That is easy-. Spend time be engaged/interested
Glad he lawyered up BC mom is the tricky part.
Mom when she sees you be a good dad might throw herself at you. Politely avoid
Posted on 1/2/17 at 11:36 pm to tooshea8
Ignore most of these posts talking about trashy and etc.
It's not like 99.9% of us haven't fricked a crazy, trashy, or crazytrashy bitch and could have had basically the same thing happen to us.
I said 99.9% because Pectus posts here.
It's not like 99.9% of us haven't fricked a crazy, trashy, or crazytrashy bitch and could have had basically the same thing happen to us.
I said 99.9% because Pectus posts here.
Posted on 1/2/17 at 11:37 pm to tooshea8
quote:
that I will ignore for obvious reasons
To you and your kid's peril.
You have no idea what's gonna come because you don't want to face the music.
By all means bond with the kid. But if you don't protect yourself she's gonna rip him and whatever she can from you when it suits her.
And that is doing a disservice to you both.
Posted on 1/2/17 at 11:37 pm to STLDawg
Here sir, have an up vote
Posted on 1/2/17 at 11:38 pm to tooshea8
quote:
quote:
WTF is this. She raised the child the first 3 years with her husband knowing it was your child.
He didn't know. She was trying to save her marriage and never told him.
People on here are assuming you are re-hooking up with this chick. Are you just stepping up and being a dad?
Posted on 1/2/17 at 11:39 pm to tooshea8
quote:
separated from her husband for 4 months
quote:
She broke it off with me after she found out she was pregnant and reconciled with her husband.
That ex husband is such a dumbass he's prolly all over the poli board.
You know it's a trashy situation when the guy who ends up being te baby daddy isn't the biggest sucker.
Posted on 1/2/17 at 11:41 pm to tooshea8
quote:
He is a great kid. I'm actually really happy that he is mine. I would really appreciate any positive advice. It's difficult going from zero to dad in a day.
when he is 7, you can take him under your wing. until then, go very very easy.
you can read up on CHILD DEVELOPMENT. one of the difficult things is that kids do not make a straight line progression emotionally. they will make a step forward and two steps back.
be kind. not HARD ASSED. do not scare him. let his mom discipline him.
be there for both him and his mother. let her feel your intention.
AFFIRM THAT IT WILL ALL WORK OUT FOR THE BEST.
open your heart. FEEL. LOVE.
remind yourself every day that your job #1 is to love him.
job #2 is to do all the practical things, now and forever.
THANK THE MOM.
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