re: I haven’t bought toilet paper in three years... really.

OP = Kalunda?

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I had a fancy bidet installed.

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What make and model did you have installed?

I used to think bidets sounded pretty gay, but then I went to Japan and damn near every toilet has one. It’s pretty convenient to be able to take a massive dump then only need to wipe once or twice after using the bidet.

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Wet wipes FTMFW

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A "washlet" will make your wet wipes look like child's play. It definitely takes some getting used to, but it's something every hairy man should have in his house.

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Once I was comfortable that the TP was only drying water, I stoppped using it

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A bidet maybe nice but an old tablespoon will save you money both on TP and the cost of a bathroom remodel.

Scraping with a spoon cleans better than TP and can be washed and reused ad nauseam. I read about it on a frugal living blog and tried it for a few days. It works but feels weird and then there is the question of where to put the dirty spoons until the next dishwasher cycle.

Toilet paper isn't that expensive, I'm definitely open to ideas for better cleaning.

Reality is if you have a solid diet high in fiber and don't drink you can greatly reduce the amount of TP you burn through and stay clean.

Dogs get by fine without TP. It's all in their diet.

Ummmmm what do you search for to find that?

I tried a bidet as a kid, and was a mess. definitely need an all in one option, so I dont have to transfer to another seat to hover over.

This can be the next big thing if Municipalities start to be stricter on the wipes clogging up the pipes. Wipes are popular enough now for a second option to be needed.

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My friend is a proctologist and he calls them bigets because they turn people after using them for a while. He says there’s a reason Europeans use them

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What gives here? This ad is on my page while reading OP

An by the way, Costco Brondel Swash for the win.

Brave of you to come out and admit that you like having things squirted into your arse.

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No way this cleans a liquor shite arse

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If anything it'll help prevent that "finger slipped, and no coated in shite" moment. You know the one where now you are trying to avoid touching your clothes kind of moment.

So i've heard from friends of course...