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Started By
Message
re: How do you deal with the death of your parents?
Posted on 1/21/14 at 8:45 am to tigersownall
Posted on 1/21/14 at 8:45 am to tigersownall
quote:
but I'm smart enough to know one day when he's gone I'm gonna be wishing 'pops' is lighting up on my phone as an incoming call.
Smart man, and so glad you see that. There will come a point in your life when you would trade every success you've ever known for just one more sit down w/mom or dad, or both for some. In my case, my mom. She's gone now, and has been since 06, but what I wouldn't give for one more evening
where she and I just just sat around, drank some coffee/cokes, and found out about what was going on in each others worlds.
0
Posted on 1/21/14 at 9:00 am to tigersownall
We lost my wife's grandpa two days ago. I can tell you that just by them being able to tell him how much he meant to them and how much they all loved him, it eased the pain but will never make it easy. Everyone will grieve differently and some more than others. The past couple days we've spent talking about a lot of the stories he shared, watching videos of him singing his "Swamp Pop" music and just appreciating the man he was.
My advice would just be (when the time comes) to look at the life they lived and hope that in some way you can live it the way they did. My affection towards my wife has changed for the better after watching her grandmother tell him goodbye. She appreciated all of the things he did for her and the way he loved her and that's exactly what I want. I want the people I care about to know how much I care and never have a doubt.
My advice would just be (when the time comes) to look at the life they lived and hope that in some way you can live it the way they did. My affection towards my wife has changed for the better after watching her grandmother tell him goodbye. She appreciated all of the things he did for her and the way he loved her and that's exactly what I want. I want the people I care about to know how much I care and never have a doubt.
Posted on 1/21/14 at 9:13 am to tigersownall
I lost my Mom 3 years ago, just before Christmas. It was really difficult and to be honest, there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her.
It is just one of those things you push through. It's tough though.
It is just one of those things you push through. It's tough though.
Posted on 1/21/14 at 9:14 am to tigersownall
quote:
I never really gave them much shite. My dad (retired) will call me every day and wanna sit on the phone for 45 minutes telling me exactly what happened from the time he woke up till whenever without me letting a word in. It gets old, but I'm smart enough to know one day when he's gone I'm gonna be wishing 'pops' is lighting up on my phone as an incoming call. My mom health wise is worse off than him. If she happens to go first. My mind can't even fathom the pain he will feel.
My mother passed away last Sept. It's hard watching them age because you know that their time is short. Dad and mom were married 67 years. Mom was still the light in my dad's eyes after all those years together. Although we all miss her very much, and every day, my dad is a shell of his former self. It's like he went from doing all the normal daily things he did to just sitting in grief and not doing much of anything. It's really hard to watch. It's like he's lost the will to live, and is just waiting to die. It's really tough to know that your parents who have been there every day of your life will be gone forever. It's only been 4 months for us but it feels like part of my heart is gone. Every minute of every day it feels like something in me is missing.
Posted on 1/21/14 at 11:36 am to vjp819
That's what I'm most afraid of. This thread though... 
Appreciate all the responses.
Appreciate all the responses. 
Posted on 1/21/14 at 11:45 am to tigersownall
I should have not read this
I have only lost 2 family members, neither very close and I dread the day
I have only lost 2 family members, neither very close and I dread the day
Posted on 1/21/14 at 11:50 am to jimbeam
I lost my Dad last year. It was tough, but one of his good friends gave me the best advice I've ever gotten. He came to me after the funeral, teary eyed, and looked me straight in the eye.
"Honor your Dad with you life."
Somehow, that made it easier getting through some of the tough times. Still does.
"Honor your Dad with you life."
Somehow, that made it easier getting through some of the tough times. Still does.
Posted on 1/21/14 at 11:53 am to tigersownall
something I don't want to think about at all.
Posted on 1/21/14 at 11:59 am to tigersownall
I was driving home from my grandparent's house in Mississippi on May 15, 2011. It was a Sunday. Got back to my new place and Mandeville, and got a phone call from a number I did not recognize. I just let it ring figuring that it was a wrong number. A minute later, I got a call from my Mom. She asked me if I was home and safe, but I could tell that something was instantly wrong.
I don't wish the shriek of sorry that came as she broke down over the phone to ever be heard by anyone else. My dad had died in a motorcycle accident. I just froze. No emotion. It was too much to try and understand. dad had just turned 57 and was in great health. I suppose I did better than my sister, though. She is a CRNA and got news while in surgery. She fainted.
So I guess the answer is that I dealth with the death of my dad by.....not dealing. I looked after the family and understood that it was now my job to be the family rock.
I've never really fully accepted my dad's death. I think part of my subconscious goes back to childhood and just tells me that he is offshore and will be home soon. I know that it is huge denial, but it gets me through the bad times, and more importantly, the good times.
I don't wish the shriek of sorry that came as she broke down over the phone to ever be heard by anyone else. My dad had died in a motorcycle accident. I just froze. No emotion. It was too much to try and understand. dad had just turned 57 and was in great health. I suppose I did better than my sister, though. She is a CRNA and got news while in surgery. She fainted.
So I guess the answer is that I dealth with the death of my dad by.....not dealing. I looked after the family and understood that it was now my job to be the family rock.
I've never really fully accepted my dad's death. I think part of my subconscious goes back to childhood and just tells me that he is offshore and will be home soon. I know that it is huge denial, but it gets me through the bad times, and more importantly, the good times.
Posted on 1/21/14 at 12:17 pm to tigersownall
I lost mine together, it is a moment in life that you realize that you are totally alone in this world and my advice is you had better have your shite together. From that point forward you will have no one else to go to for help. I had to learn this the hard way. Not to put yourself in any position that you cant get yourself out of.
Posted on 1/21/14 at 12:28 pm to bencoleman
I can't imagine losing them both at the same time . It's been hard enough dealing with my dads suicide. Very sorry for your terrible loss .
Posted on 1/21/14 at 12:35 pm to jimbeam
quote:
I have only lost 2 family members, neither very close and I dread the day
I was in your same situation until last Sunday. It is an awful and horrible experience to lose someone close. Everything seems surreal still. I keep waiting for a text or call from her. I dread the day I have to bury my parents. But nothing can be worse than the emotion I saw them go through with losing their child.
You just have to come to peace with the fact that they are in a better place. Even though it really, really sucks for us left behind.
Just remind your family you love them frequently, because it can all change in an instant.
Posted on 1/21/14 at 12:43 pm to HoustonChick86
I cant tell you how many times I have picked up the phone and dialed their number.
Posted on 1/21/14 at 3:39 pm to bencoleman
I lost my dad in 2012.....lost my Mom, my Aunt and my dog in a 3 month period last year. All while dealing with a dying wife too.
Everyone says they dont know how I do it.....but what else is there to do but keep my head up and keep moving forward.
I have 2 young kids to think of.
Everyone says they dont know how I do it.....but what else is there to do but keep my head up and keep moving forward.
I have 2 young kids to think of.
Posted on 1/21/14 at 4:22 pm to tigersownall
I was just shy of my 51st birthday when my Dad died in August 2002. He had suffered a major stroke in December 1997 and was totally dependent on my Mom for the rest of his life.
When I heard that he died, I was relieved that his suffering was over, but cried like a baby at his funeral. None of my siblings nor my son had ever seen me cry before. To this day I miss him; his sense of humor; and his wise advice. It only gets easier with time. Faith that he is in a better place or at least, no longer suffering, is helpful. If my Faith is indeed fact, I am sure that he would not trade places and come back. It is for ourselves that we feel badly because we miss a loved one so much.
I had lunch with my son on Sunday. He told me that his mother (my ex-wife) was very ill. He is dealing with it as best he can while he pursues his schooling. I wish I could do something for him, but all I can do is be there for him. Death comes to us all, but that fact does not make it any easier when it happens to a loved one.
When I heard that he died, I was relieved that his suffering was over, but cried like a baby at his funeral. None of my siblings nor my son had ever seen me cry before. To this day I miss him; his sense of humor; and his wise advice. It only gets easier with time. Faith that he is in a better place or at least, no longer suffering, is helpful. If my Faith is indeed fact, I am sure that he would not trade places and come back. It is for ourselves that we feel badly because we miss a loved one so much.
I had lunch with my son on Sunday. He told me that his mother (my ex-wife) was very ill. He is dealing with it as best he can while he pursues his schooling. I wish I could do something for him, but all I can do is be there for him. Death comes to us all, but that fact does not make it any easier when it happens to a loved one.
Posted on 1/21/14 at 8:06 pm to tigersownall
I lost my Dad in October. Diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2008 and downhill all the way. For as long as I can remember he was adamant that he never wanted to go to a nursing home. He said he had saved enough money during his lifetime that he could afford to be taken care of at home.
But to the nursing home he went in the spring of 2012. That decision was made by my mother and brother. I was not consulted. I have not spoken to them since, not even at the funeral, and doubt that I ever will. So basically, my entire family of origin is gone. It was my sister-in-law who called me the day he died.
I visited him as often as I could. During the last few months I struggled with wanting him to spend his last days at my house. It would involve quitting my job and fighting my family in court. Before you knew it, it was too late.
He died early in the morning and alone. Nurse found him when she went to check on him. Not the way I wanted this to go at all.
Sadness and bitterness haunt me every day.
But to the nursing home he went in the spring of 2012. That decision was made by my mother and brother. I was not consulted. I have not spoken to them since, not even at the funeral, and doubt that I ever will. So basically, my entire family of origin is gone. It was my sister-in-law who called me the day he died.
I visited him as often as I could. During the last few months I struggled with wanting him to spend his last days at my house. It would involve quitting my job and fighting my family in court. Before you knew it, it was too late.
He died early in the morning and alone. Nurse found him when she went to check on him. Not the way I wanted this to go at all.
Sadness and bitterness haunt me every day.
Posted on 1/21/14 at 8:14 pm to tigersownall
Tell them every chance you get that you love them. When you look back after they are gone you will be glad you did.
Posted on 1/21/14 at 8:16 pm to tigersownall
quote:
This has been on my mind lately. Like everyone else, the folks are getting up there. They aren't in the greatest health. I've been through some heartache, but these are the only two rocks in my life. It's just hard for me to imagine a world without them.
Time is the only thing you have to deal with it...
I was crushed when I lost my mom, you kind of go through different cycles of denial and finally acceptance. But no matter how bad you feel, days become weeks, become months, and you realize that you will be ok.
Posted on 1/21/14 at 8:24 pm to Tiger in Texas
Glad you started this thread, losing my dad is my biggest fear in life. I am literally going to fall apart if I ever lose him. Some good advice in here.
Posted on 1/21/14 at 8:40 pm to tigersownall
You never get over it, you just deal with it. As time goes on it hurts less; yet more. My life changed the day I lost my dad.
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