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Posted on 1/21/14 at 6:20 am to Negative Nomad
Myself, every morning when I get up and start fixing my pot of coffee, at that time I say good morning to the Lord, my Mom and my Dad. Both of my parents had passed away, but I think of them every day. 
Posted on 1/21/14 at 6:39 am to tigersownall
Ain't easy. Both of mine are gone and the obligatory "wish I would have done X, and should have visited more" come around at times.
My suggestion......do everything, and I mean everything you can with them right now. No excuses. Make it happen and you might feel better in the end.
They will be gone. I was the same way....never gonna lose them....
My suggestion......do everything, and I mean everything you can with them right now. No excuses. Make it happen and you might feel better in the end.
They will be gone. I was the same way....never gonna lose them....
Posted on 1/21/14 at 6:42 am to tigersownall
Enjoy the time you have with them now. Stop borrowing problems
Posted on 1/21/14 at 6:47 am to CorkSoaker
Time helps a lot.
Write a letter, expressing unresolved feelings or thoughts. Keep it, burn it, whatever feels right.
Do something that helps you feel connected to them. Plant a small garden, grow tomatoes, go hunting, etc.
Don't shy away from your feeling around special times or events - like your birthday/holidays/parties. Let yourself feel the loss and how much you miss them in your life.
If you have kids, take the part of your parents you loved most and try to show it/emulate it to your kids - pass on what was so special about them.
Write a letter, expressing unresolved feelings or thoughts. Keep it, burn it, whatever feels right.
Do something that helps you feel connected to them. Plant a small garden, grow tomatoes, go hunting, etc.
Don't shy away from your feeling around special times or events - like your birthday/holidays/parties. Let yourself feel the loss and how much you miss them in your life.
If you have kids, take the part of your parents you loved most and try to show it/emulate it to your kids - pass on what was so special about them.
Posted on 1/21/14 at 6:52 am to dcrews
quote:
dcrews
Very well said. I am going through something like this now and he said it the best.
Posted on 1/21/14 at 6:55 am to tigersownall
My Dad died the night of Memorial Day, 2005 and I'm not sure I'm over it. I find myself daydreaming about our going fishing, just the two of us (I'm the 2nd of 5), in our little flat boat and really miss that. I even think about how I loved how he would tie my cleats so tight so the shoestrings wouldn't come undone as a six year old, how he so enjoyed a State Championship Game run my Soph year, and the letter he wrote me the day of the CG telling me how proud of me he was, him holding my children for the first time, jumping into the pool fully clothed after beating USC in the 98 CWS, but mostly, his last words to me hours before he went Home, "I Love You, son."
Dang, sorry for getting carried away.
Dang, sorry for getting carried away.
This post was edited on 1/21/14 at 6:57 am
Posted on 1/21/14 at 7:00 am to Cincinnati Bowtie
Dealing with the death of a parent at a young age is a lot more difficult than doing it as 35+.
Most would say that parents dying before their children is the correct order of things.
Just imagine how difficult it would be for them to have to bury you!
Life goes on!
Most would say that parents dying before their children is the correct order of things.
Just imagine how difficult it would be for them to have to bury you!
Life goes on!
Posted on 1/21/14 at 7:24 am to tigersownall
my mom died a couple of months ago. She was 84 and deep into Alzheimer's, so it was a relief for her not to have to live like that anymore. I was never outwardly sad and felt no grieving. Looking back, i was a bitch to live with for that first month. Everything made me angry. Now i find my eyes leaking at weird times.
Posted on 1/21/14 at 7:29 am to tigersownall
Just be glad for the lifetime you had with them. There's others out there who have no memories whatsoever of their parents.
Posted on 1/21/14 at 7:30 am to tigersownall
I lost my dad in August 2012. He fought a hard fight for the longest time. A day does not go by that I don't think about him. Time like they say is a great healer.
I will tell you one thing. I will never forget seeing his last moments of life. The sounds the smell of the hospital room, the lady at the nursing station yelling out he's gone.
I will tell you one thing. I will never forget seeing his last moments of life. The sounds the smell of the hospital room, the lady at the nursing station yelling out he's gone.
Posted on 1/21/14 at 7:30 am to tigersownall
My FIL died in May 2010.My dad died in November 2010.
I was really close to my dad and we still talk about him and the kids still talk about papa.Its getting easier but the first few months were really hard for me since he wasnt there for hunting season,holidays and the birth of our little girl.It has gotten easier but time is the only thing that makes it easier.
My wife wasnt close to her dad and she grieved differently.I know she misses him but she doesnt speak of him often at all.
Everybody handles it differently.Just dont keep it bottled up.
I was really close to my dad and we still talk about him and the kids still talk about papa.Its getting easier but the first few months were really hard for me since he wasnt there for hunting season,holidays and the birth of our little girl.It has gotten easier but time is the only thing that makes it easier.
My wife wasnt close to her dad and she grieved differently.I know she misses him but she doesnt speak of him often at all.
Everybody handles it differently.Just dont keep it bottled up.
This post was edited on 1/21/14 at 7:39 am
Posted on 1/21/14 at 7:36 am to tigersownall
my father passed 4 years ago yesterday. he was military to the hilt and was never real emotional or affectionate. but when i look back, i realize that he was always right there. whenever i had a rough patch, he was right behind me and was always willing to offer a hand up. i don't think i ever realized how much i took from him or how much he influenced me until i was preparing for his eulogy. it was earth-shattering. that said, one of the things i took from him was the stiff upper lip. i'm never an overly emotional person. the hardest part was the first 12 hours. getting the phone call from my mom to come back to the hospital as quick as possible and then having to call my two brothers. it still makes my hands shake. however, by far the worst of it all was having to tell my kids (13 and 11 at the time). my kids saw my parents almost every day. thinking about that conversation brings tears to my eyes. i guess part of the reason that i held back emotion was to put up the strong front for them. i visit him on his birthday and veteran's day and make sure that i remember the "little" things that turned out to be life lessons.
This post was edited on 1/21/14 at 7:39 am
Posted on 1/21/14 at 7:42 am to Cincinnati Bowtie
You arent getting carried away.Be glad you had those last minutes with your dad.I would give anything to change how mine left us but it is what it is.
Posted on 1/21/14 at 8:24 am to tigersownall
when you start cleaning out the house and family starts fighting over stuff you will be over it.
ativan helps too
ativan helps too
Posted on 1/21/14 at 8:27 am to pdubya76
I lost my dad unexpectedly, my mother over a period of time as her cancer dragged on & on. Both were hard but dad's death was the hardest as we did not have time to say goodbye. Leaving us with a very bad case of the guilts over things we never said or did with him. So, as several have said here, show them the love they deserve now,today. We did have time to get mom to tape the story of her life, it took her several mths, but now we have a pricess gift that we will always treasure.
Posted on 1/21/14 at 8:31 am to tigersownall
you never get over it ... it changes your world
hang out with them while you can
hang out with them while you can
Posted on 1/21/14 at 8:39 am to tigersownall
If you have faith in the here after sure does make it easier.
Posted on 1/21/14 at 8:42 am to dcrews
My dad died exactly one month ago today. Reading this has really sucked but has been really awesome too. Words are hard to come by but there have been several posters hit the nail on the head.
It's wild how I have the exact same memories of my dad as some of you did. I don't know if it will ever get better but it doesn't feel like it ever will today.
quote:
So many surreal moments from the time I got the phone call until the time we got home from the funeral. Also a lot of moments and days in there I don't even remember. Some of it was a blur and some of it is ingrained in great detail in my mind.
It's going back to work, trying to sleep on that first night after they're buried...you realize that your world has taken a huge hit, but the world itself doesn't notice and life goes on.
You'll find yourself getting emotional when you least expect it and not being emotional at all when you think you should. I personally will never get over the loss of my dad (my best friend and mentor), but I cope with it better and better every day that life goes on. And maybe....hopefully, I can be half the man, father and person he was someday.
quote:
It was like a kick in the gut, and everytime I go home to visit my mom I find myself looking for him. And like a previous poster stated, you will find yourself all of a sudden having an emotional spell. I find they come less and less often thankfully. But you never get over it and will always miss him/her.
quote:
not well
quote:
I find myself daydreaming about our going fishing, just the two of us, in our little flat boat and really miss that. I even think about how I loved how he would tie my cleats so tight so the shoestrings wouldn't come undone as a six year old, how he so enjoyed a State Championship Game run my Senior year, and the letter he wrote me the day of the CG telling me how proud of me he was, but mostly, his last words to me hours before he went Home, "I Love You, son."
It's wild how I have the exact same memories of my dad as some of you did. I don't know if it will ever get better but it doesn't feel like it ever will today.
Posted on 1/21/14 at 8:42 am to lsuwontonwrap
My mom died suddenly on a cruise. Dad was in hospital over a year. Step dad was sick for long time. I miss my dad and step dad a lot. I will never get over my mother.
My stepdad put it the best I have ever heard….”When you lose you dad, you lose your best friend. But when you lose your Mother, You lose everything.” This is true. Nothing will ever be the same.
My stepdad put it the best I have ever heard….”When you lose you dad, you lose your best friend. But when you lose your Mother, You lose everything.” This is true. Nothing will ever be the same.
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