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Started By
Message
re: How did you handle paternity leave?
Posted on 1/6/25 at 7:43 am to Ssubba
Posted on 1/6/25 at 7:43 am to Ssubba
Take a week off or call it work from home while your wife recovers. Plan on being tired AF for a while because you should help in middle of the night.
Aside from that, the baby sleeps almost nonstop stop except for titty time. Even after, it’s gonna bond with your wife almost exclusively for quite some time.
You sitting around not working isn’t going to change anything.
Aside from that, the baby sleeps almost nonstop stop except for titty time. Even after, it’s gonna bond with your wife almost exclusively for quite some time.
You sitting around not working isn’t going to change anything.
This post was edited on 1/6/25 at 7:44 am
2
Posted on 1/6/25 at 7:43 am to Hondo Blacksheep
quote:
but generally work needs to come first
Work never comes first for a real man with a family.
Family comes first. Always.
Posted on 1/6/25 at 7:44 am to MyRockstarComplex
quote:
You sitting around not working isn’t going to change anything.
Try not just sitting around
Posted on 1/6/25 at 7:44 am to GEAUXT
quote:
I am going to assume this is a troll
I hope it was not. Three months screws over your team.
Posted on 1/6/25 at 7:45 am to Ssubba
Work gave me 6 weeks paid when ours was born. I occasionally checked in to see if anything was needed at the office but only if I had time. The majority of my energy was caring for my wife and child. She didn't change a diaper until I went back to work and it helped her bounce back incredibly well because she was able to focus on her recovery and feeding the baby while I handled basically everything else
Posted on 1/6/25 at 7:45 am to Ssubba
Something that doesn't get talked about much is the father's mental state. All of the focus is rightly on the mother and child, but do not forget about yourself. The modern world is hard for a father. You will feel the pressure to provide in all aspects, and society will tell you that you must do this without complaint. The pressure will be real. Take care of yourself, because no one else will.
Posted on 1/6/25 at 7:48 am to MyRockstarComplex
quote:
You sitting around not working isn’t going to change anything.
There was no sitting around for my 3 kids. You sat around?
Posted on 1/6/25 at 7:49 am to Vrai
quote:of course. Someone has to do the work and many will resent you for putting that on them, baby or not
yet employees are looked down on if they actually use it?
Posted on 1/6/25 at 7:50 am to Ssubba
Was no paternity leave for my first two(‘00 & ‘04). Stayed at the hospital, of course, and two days home after that. MIL came over to assist for 2 weeks or so.
2nd wave(‘13, ‘15 $ ‘20) we had it but I applied the same as the first wave. Stay at the hospital then 2 days at home. In fact, hours after my son was born in 2015, I had to fly to Arkansas for a prearranged meeting, but I was able to fly back that same day.
2nd wave(‘13, ‘15 $ ‘20) we had it but I applied the same as the first wave. Stay at the hospital then 2 days at home. In fact, hours after my son was born in 2015, I had to fly to Arkansas for a prearranged meeting, but I was able to fly back that same day.
Posted on 1/6/25 at 7:50 am to manwich
quote:
of course. Someone has to do the work and many will resent you for putting that on them, baby or not
Leave is part of your compensation. You can suck my dick if you think I'm not using mine. Use yours and it equals out.
This post was edited on 1/6/25 at 7:51 am
Posted on 1/6/25 at 7:51 am to JohnnyKilroy
quote:
There was no sitting around for my 3 kids. You sat around?
These threads always have people telling on themselves. You see it in responses from shitty workers who project their laziness on others and think someone is slacking if they take paternity leave just because they did jack shite themselves. It's why lots of people here resent their wives/kids and vice versa
Hell, going back to work was easier than being on paternity leave for me.
Posted on 1/6/25 at 7:55 am to BottomlandBrew
quote:is that mental state improved as you sit at home making yourself more unnecessary at your job? seems like it could result in exactly what you're afraid of. I guess it depends on the profession
Something that doesn't get talked about much is the father's mental state
This post was edited on 1/6/25 at 7:56 am
Posted on 1/6/25 at 7:56 am to Ssubba
I was self employed, billing on a per day basis, when my kids were born. Took a few days off to help my wife out, but if I wasn't working, I wasn't getting paid.
The guys on the team I oversee now have the benefit of a paid paternity leave program. It's quite nice for them, and those that have used it really haven't taken the full allotted days, from what I recall. They've typically taken two weeks most, and even though not required, they still tended to some work stuff when things came up that they really were the only ones of intimate knowledge to handle.
Overall, they used the couple weeks to help their wives out with any needed errands, or to hold/rock the baby while mom gets some sleep. Some end up logging on and working a bit out of boredom after a few days.
The guys on the team I oversee now have the benefit of a paid paternity leave program. It's quite nice for them, and those that have used it really haven't taken the full allotted days, from what I recall. They've typically taken two weeks most, and even though not required, they still tended to some work stuff when things came up that they really were the only ones of intimate knowledge to handle.
Overall, they used the couple weeks to help their wives out with any needed errands, or to hold/rock the baby while mom gets some sleep. Some end up logging on and working a bit out of boredom after a few days.
This post was edited on 1/6/25 at 7:58 am
Posted on 1/6/25 at 7:57 am to manwich
quote:
as you sit at home making yourself more unnecessary at your job?
You aren't anywhere near as important to your job as you think you are. They would replace you tomorrow and think nothing of it if it suits them. Imagine putting work over your literal child. That's insane to me.
Posted on 1/6/25 at 7:57 am to Ssubba
I took off 2-3 days with each of my kids back in the day. By that time MIL swooped in and ran the ship. I had to go to work to get away from the MIL demands as she had me working all day and running errands.
Posted on 1/6/25 at 7:58 am to Ssubba
I had my wife induced on a Saturday so I could be back to work on Monday to support my family like a real fricking man. True story.
Posted on 1/6/25 at 7:59 am to Ssubba
quote:
First child, a son, enters the world this Thursday. Nervous but excited. I work for myself along with a business partner so no official paternity leave, just going to play this thing out and see how it unravels. What was this experience like work wise? Is my wife going to kick me out after a few days?
Everyone is going to have their opinions on what you as a father are supposed to do. "Back in my day they didnt let me off for the birth"... etc.
The bottom line is you have to work within the realm of what's possible. If your wife has a career as well, then you need to figure out child care before her maternity leave ends.
A lot of people will brag about being able to go back to work the next day, but what they dont mention is that they live down the street from grandma or other family members. Or they have plenty of money for a nanny. Or their wife stays at home.
In my case, we are totally alone. Live states away from the closest family member. Both have careers that require us to give work full attention, Dont have disposable income for a full time nanny, first time homebuyers with a larger interest rate, have student loans, etc... full time daycare is over $1500 a month and we have been on the waitlist since June.
I have worked out with my boss to work remotely until we figure out childcare. We are interviewing for a part time nanny this week to come 2 days a week. My wife dropped to 32 hours a week so she has fridays off. That leaves 4 days of work for her. 3 days of work for me, plus 2 remote days.
Its a patch work until we get off the daycare waitlist. Id say within the past 10 years, society has made it extremely difficult to start a family.
Posted on 1/6/25 at 7:59 am to el Gaucho
Never change your shtick.
Posted on 1/6/25 at 7:59 am to Ssubba
I took a week with each kid (the last being 14 years old now) but I was self employed and needed to work.
Posted on 1/6/25 at 8:00 am to Sus-Scrofa
quote:
can disappear for three months with no issue, then you aren’t needed.
That’s just how it is.
Honestly, this makes sense to me. 3 months is 1/4 of a year. If you can be gone and someone else is doing your work, then your work isn't needed.
I get the leave policy, and people taking advantage of it, but someone somewhere is thinking about this while you are gone.
I would suggest work when you can during that time, and at least contribute.
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