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re: How can you cope with the loss of a parent?

Posted on 6/7/25 at 8:38 am to
Posted by Arbengal
Louisiana
Member since Sep 2008
3239 posts
Posted on 6/7/25 at 8:38 am to
This is the way. Be patient, be strong. My heart goes out to you. I have been in your shoes as a young man. Life is tough at times, and you have to rise to the occasion as well. He would want you to soldier on, and you can do it. He would want you to be happy and live a productive life. Get on with the business of doing it!
Posted by East Coast Band
Member since Nov 2010
65896 posts
Posted on 6/7/25 at 8:39 am to
Be thankful for what you had.
I lost my dad in 2011, and mother too, recently, as I was older, but I never was super close to either .I admired them, but never loved them in the way it seems you did with your dad.I envy that.
Unfortunately, too many people never even had a dad at all.
Posted by biglego
San Francisco
Member since Nov 2007
80534 posts
Posted on 6/7/25 at 8:42 am to
quote:

I lost my Dad on August 22, 2003. He was my Dad, but also my Podna. All the things we did together I can no longer do. No hunting, no fishing, can't do it.


My dad and I followed MLB together and went to a lot of Astros/minor league games. I don’t even follow baseball anymore. My son doesn’t care and I have no interest. Just isn’t the same.
Posted by redneck hippie
Stillwater
Member since Dec 2008
6068 posts
Posted on 6/7/25 at 8:45 am to
Hardest thing about getting older is saying goodbye to your loved ones.
Posted by pdubya76
Sw Ms
Member since Mar 2012
6392 posts
Posted on 6/7/25 at 8:47 am to
It will get better. My wife and I have each lost parents to suicide. It’s a horrible thing but we’ve gotten through it together. I was sad about my dad when he did it. He was a Vietnam vet and never was able to shake it. My wife’s mom was not a nice person and my wife took it as a big F U when she did it. It’s still sad but she’s mad more than sad. Time heals all wounds.
Posted by Tigercowboy
Baton Rouge
Member since Nov 2007
4507 posts
Posted on 6/7/25 at 8:48 am to
I lost my dad when I was 16 years old. As time goes by the pain will be less raw. It’s been 20+ years for me. I can you tell thought every major life event you will feel that sting. My nephew is getting married tonight and I can’t help to think about him and what he would be like today.

It is okay to grieve and it’s okay to cry. If you don’t feel like you are handling it well it’s okay to get professional help. (Not the OT).

I’m sorry for your loss and I’ve been there. Take care of yourself.
This post was edited on 6/7/25 at 8:53 am
Posted by Kraut Dawg
Member since Sep 2012
4667 posts
Posted on 6/7/25 at 8:50 am to
quote:

My wife and I try to never think about it,

As someone who has gone through what you're saying you'll have to go through, try to be as happy as you can with her. There is going to be a lifetime of grief to come later. And it's going to negatively change your personality forever. I'm sorry.
Posted by BluegrassBelle
RIP Hefty Lefty - 1981-2019
Member since Nov 2010
104303 posts
Posted on 6/7/25 at 8:54 am to
Look for a therapist in your area who does grief counseling. If your parent was in hospice at the end of their life, Hosparus will typically offer free grief counseling for a year or so afterward.

As for how hard it is, it can be incredibly hard. Without my Mom I felt like a boat in the ocean without anchor. But I also knew she’d want me to keep moving forward and that’s what you do. Find ways to honor your Dad.
Posted by Potchafa
Avoyelles
Member since Jul 2016
3832 posts
Posted on 6/7/25 at 8:57 am to
People say "time". Well, thats bullshite. It never really gets better my friend. You just learn to cope with it. Talk to other family members about it as a group. Talk to a friend. Talking about it really helps.
Posted by biglego
San Francisco
Member since Nov 2007
80534 posts
Posted on 6/7/25 at 8:57 am to
quote:

As someone who has gone through what you're saying you'll have to go through, try to be as happy as you can with her. There is going to be a lifetime of grief to come later. And it's going to negatively change your personality forever. I'm sorry.


The only good thing is, it makes every other problem and grief in life feel like a minor trifle.
Posted by The Egg
Houston, TX
Member since Dec 2004
82091 posts
Posted on 6/7/25 at 8:59 am to
You don't move on, you just move forward
Posted by ItzMe1972
Member since Dec 2013
11510 posts
Posted on 6/7/25 at 9:00 am to
Many funeral homes have some type of grief counseling.

My wife fell apart one year after losing her mother. Attending one group session validated her feelings and she recovered quickly thereafter.
Posted by The Cool No 9
70816
Member since Jan 2014
10680 posts
Posted on 6/7/25 at 9:02 am to
Rely on the Lord and your loved ones. Keep alcohol in the background not the foreground
Posted by Keltic Tiger
Baton Rouge
Member since Dec 2006
20661 posts
Posted on 6/7/25 at 9:05 am to
I'm at the other end of this spectrum as I am almost the last man standing in my family. I've lost mom & dad, my oldest sister & now my youngest sister is not coming home from the hospital. This is difficult in a different way, perhaps, but it's still sobering.
Posted by Turnblad85
Member since Sep 2022
3267 posts
Posted on 6/7/25 at 9:06 am to
Just keep rolling on. Your dad did it when his dad died. Your grandfather did it when your great grandfather died, and so on and so on. Its hard but its what we do.
Posted by thejudge
Westlake, LA
Member since Sep 2009
14759 posts
Posted on 6/7/25 at 9:06 am to
Faith.

I've now lost both my parents.

My dad will have been gone a year come June 21st

Trust that we will see him and mom again.

It's still really hard sometimes. I just focus on being the best dad I can be and carry on everything he did for me with my kids. We talk about him and mom. We cook like he does. We openly stay engaged so he's not forgotten.

I dream alot and they are vivid. Dreams of my mother and her coming to visit with me are always smiling and warm.

Dreams of my father are always tumultuous. Last nights was of his death and we buried him and I didn't remember the service. The one prior we were in the hospital desperately trying to get him some iron as he was low and kept falling.

Just means his soul needs more prayer. His life was really hard and he got us away from a poor situation with family to help us succeed. He spent the last 30 years basically homebound disabled. He still kept a good attitude and was awesome. But I feel his soul stills struggles.

Find a group or therapist and visit with them. You deserve to find peace and move on.

Your parents would never want their child to suffer in perpetuity.

GL. Do the things they did to keep them alive with you.

It gets better.

I promise.
Posted by NotoriousFSU
Atlanta, GA
Member since Oct 2008
11425 posts
Posted on 6/7/25 at 9:08 am to
I’m truly sorry for your loss. I wouldn’t know what to say to help you, but I think about losing my parents all the time and what that would do to me. It’ll probably be the worst day of my life tbh. What’s helped me understand more about what living with grief after losing a close loved one came from this clip of Billy Bob Thornton talking about the loss of his younger brother. Idk if it’s the healthiest way to cope, but it’s given me more perspective on how to face it when that day comes.

Posted by Mizz-SEC
Inbred Huntin' In The SEC
Member since Jun 2013
20987 posts
Posted on 6/7/25 at 9:10 am to
I can't speak for others, but this is where faith comes in.

The knowledge and strong belief that I'll see my parents again is incredibly comforting.
Posted by cgrand
HAMMOND
Member since Oct 2009
43676 posts
Posted on 6/7/25 at 9:11 am to
sorry to hear of your loss, obviously you and your father were very close. This however is cause for concern
quote:

I feel like my whole world has come to an end. Can't eat, can't sleep, can barely function at work.
you’re getting groups counseling right her on the internet but you need to talk to someone to try and mitigate this despair. Best of luck
Posted by morganwadefan
TN
Member since May 2023
1129 posts
Posted on 6/7/25 at 9:15 am to
It will get easier over time. Two years since my dad passed. I don’t hurt like I did the first year, now random memories pop up about good talks or good visits we had over the years.
Dad spent some summers in Detroit while in his high school/college years. He also was a Braves fan his whole life. I got us tickets to see the Tigers in Atlanta one August. Great seats behind the Braves dugout and with the 5pm start, the sun was baking us. About the 4th inning dad looked over at me with sweat pouring down his face and said “whose idea was this?” Then we both just laughed.
For those who still have their parents or even grandparents, make the time to talk to and visit with them as much as you can. One day the opportunity won’t be there.
I’m sorry for your loss. The hurt will ease over time and you will have memories to keep him close.
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