- My Forums
- Tiger Rant
- LSU Recruiting
- SEC Rant
- Saints Talk
- Pelicans Talk
- More Sports Board
- Fantasy Sports
- Golf Board
- Soccer Board
- O-T Lounge
- Tech Board
- Home/Garden Board
- Outdoor Board
- Health/Fitness Board
- Movie/TV Board
- Book Board
- Music Board
- Political Talk
- Money Talk
- Fark Board
- Gaming Board
- Travel Board
- Food/Drink Board
- Ticket Exchange
- TD Help Board
Customize My Forums- View All Forums
- Show Left Links
- Topic Sort Options
- Trending Topics
- Recent Topics
- Active Topics
Started By
Message
re: Have Any of You Married a Cluster B Personality Disorder (Narcissistic, Borderline,etc)?
Posted on 6/25/24 at 10:56 am to Hussss
Posted on 6/25/24 at 10:56 am to Hussss
quote:
They are flat out hating machines! When I had a blast with my kids she would say “you’re just the fun uncle” with so much resentment. She also said many times throughout the marriage “I’m unlovable.”
I swear it’s like reading a rehash of my own life!
We’ve been together for 35 years. Married for 32. I thought things would get better when she stopped drinking, and they did a little, but the misery continues.
The point about them being jealous of your good qualities is so true and so hard to understand. Trying to be a good person is my lifelong project. To be insulted and ridiculed for it is bewildering.
I was recently given an award at work. Not a big deal, but I really appreciated the sentiment. It was called the Unsung Hero Award.
I knew not to make a big deal about it to my wife. I simply placed it on top of the piano, where other such recognitions from over the years are placed. I told her about it in a very nonchalant way, like hey this thing happened at work, isn’t that nice.
She later found the award on the piano and hid it somewhere in the house. I didn’t notice it for weeks, and when I asked her about it she said the piano was getting too cluttered, and she said “I thought you said it wasn’t that big of a deal to you.”
1
Posted on 6/25/24 at 11:26 am to Jimbeaux
I’m not sure if my ex has BPD/NPD. But, her affair partner certainly did. She was 34 at the time, he was her homeless, toothless, unemployed alcoholic second cousin who was 50.We had a 3 and 5 year old.
Out of the blue, she asked for a divorce two days after I got a vasectomy. Her identical twin, whom she usually talked with for two hours a day, had no clue.
I find them in bed together a week later. Somehow, she managed to get herself in a romantic and cohabiting relationship with two men at the same time. The AP had moved into a trailer on our property a month before when he lost his previous place.
10 years later he was convicted of beating our son.
Out of the blue, she asked for a divorce two days after I got a vasectomy. Her identical twin, whom she usually talked with for two hours a day, had no clue.
I find them in bed together a week later. Somehow, she managed to get herself in a romantic and cohabiting relationship with two men at the same time. The AP had moved into a trailer on our property a month before when he lost his previous place.
10 years later he was convicted of beating our son.
Posted on 6/25/24 at 11:33 am to wheelz007
quote:
I always knew something was wrong because of the extreme highs and lows, the pettiness and manipulation.
If you ever see their eyes during a “splitting” episode, those pupils get so dilated from the unregulated adrenaline pumping through their system. It’s demonic looking.
got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes
Posted on 6/25/24 at 11:59 am to Hussss
quote:
And I know when you understandably reacted to her provocation, she immediately made YOUR REACTION the issue, instantaneously absolved herself of any personal responsibility, and attempted to gaslight you into the ludicrous proposition that you were the responsible party, until it nearly drove you mad.
AmIrite?
100% accurate.
Like the Frog in boiling water metaphor its difficult to see how far you've drifted from yourself into a life of chaos and misery until you have the clarity of hindsight.
For anyone "stuck" in a cluster B relationshit.... your health, wealth, life and happiness are one decision away. It only gets worse and it's never too late - RUN.
This post was edited on 6/25/24 at 12:00 pm
Posted on 6/25/24 at 12:21 pm to yellowfin
Husband number 2. 
The differences between my two husbands have been diagnosed versus not.
Also, I’m part of the problem, I’m aware. Firstly, my picker is absolute trash—the Lord gave me a lemon. Secondly, I have absolutely zero boundaries due to my Type 2 enneagram-ness/codependency. If you’re fine, I’m fine. If you’re not fine, I’m going to exhaust myself to ensure you’re fine so I can be fine. And on and on.
If there’s a husband 3 the Lord himself will deliver him on a white horse.
The differences between my two husbands have been diagnosed versus not.
Also, I’m part of the problem, I’m aware. Firstly, my picker is absolute trash—the Lord gave me a lemon. Secondly, I have absolutely zero boundaries due to my Type 2 enneagram-ness/codependency. If you’re fine, I’m fine. If you’re not fine, I’m going to exhaust myself to ensure you’re fine so I can be fine. And on and on.
If there’s a husband 3 the Lord himself will deliver him on a white horse.
Posted on 6/25/24 at 12:25 pm to Champagne
quote:
’m glad to hear you are on the other side of all that. You and your children deserve so much more than that. The intentional cruelty is a lot to deal with. The orchestrated malevolence is more than a lot of well adjusted and compassionate people can endure because it has this evil quality to it. You find yourself in darkness when you are not a dark person and someone is raging at and about you and you just want it to stop. Great things ahead for you, girl.
A very big thank you.
quote:
Didn't you also suffer a direct hit from a Tornado? Maybe even twice?
Just one! We’ve had a couple either go over our house before dropping or within a mile in the last year but just the one in BR. Good memory.
Posted on 6/25/24 at 12:39 pm to tigerbandpiccolo
I have a very similar story to you Picc but once my children were grown and he could not use them to get to me he basically has no contact with them. He was court ordered very little supervised contact as minors and rarely saw them. He used to call constantly though to act like he was going to get them but really just wanted whatever Intel he could gather about my life. I am remarried now and my ex has no contact (his decision) with his grandkids. My husband is considered dad and grandpa by my children and we now live a normal life. If you would have told me years ago that one day his obsession with me would have stopped I would never have believed it. So life can get better.
Posted on 6/25/24 at 12:43 pm to Hussss
just wondering here, do you not notice these types of behaviors before marrying someone like this? seems like they would be easy to spot.
Posted on 6/25/24 at 12:48 pm to diat150
If you had a healthy childhood and understand boundaries, you probably will walk away and consider that person batshit, or some version thereof.
If you grew up in chaos, or have a higher baseline for pain and trauma for whatever reason, you are more likely to 1) notice the good in that person above the bad bc if you’re from trauma, that’s a common survival instinct 2) feel a sense of familiarity with the chaos thereby you may be apt to overlooking the flaws that cause the chaos/drama, and feel a sense of sympathy for said person…you may even be like me and think “gosh thanks for sharing that painful situation, we all have problems and I have no room to judge with my family, I can support you as you work on this”
And that’s how you find yourself in toxic patterns. We are literally trained to be attracted to vibrations, and usually go for what’s familiar whether we think we are or not.
If you grew up in chaos, or have a higher baseline for pain and trauma for whatever reason, you are more likely to 1) notice the good in that person above the bad bc if you’re from trauma, that’s a common survival instinct 2) feel a sense of familiarity with the chaos thereby you may be apt to overlooking the flaws that cause the chaos/drama, and feel a sense of sympathy for said person…you may even be like me and think “gosh thanks for sharing that painful situation, we all have problems and I have no room to judge with my family, I can support you as you work on this”
And that’s how you find yourself in toxic patterns. We are literally trained to be attracted to vibrations, and usually go for what’s familiar whether we think we are or not.
Posted on 6/25/24 at 12:52 pm to diat150
Sometimes they also fool everyone around you also. The love bombing is also along the lines of I can't live without you let's get married. So you find yourself wrapped up in it before their charm wears off and their true colors show.
But also absolutely what Picc said about trauma is true. I had an actually more traumatic childhood than my ex so I had no reason to believe we could not just work it out.
But also absolutely what Picc said about trauma is true. I had an actually more traumatic childhood than my ex so I had no reason to believe we could not just work it out.
Posted on 6/25/24 at 12:59 pm to Hussss
For better or worse. You committed to her. She is a female and most if not all go through stages. You should stick to your vows and ride it out. Marriages are like that.
Posted on 6/25/24 at 1:02 pm to tigerbandpiccolo
quote:
If you had a healthy childhood and understand boundaries, you probably will walk away and consider that person batshit, or some version thereof.
on the flip side, it is easy to be blind to the red flags if you don't have any experience with it
some things can seem like normal human insecurities, until they aren't
This post was edited on 6/25/24 at 1:03 pm
Posted on 6/25/24 at 1:03 pm to tigerbandpiccolo
quote:
If there’s a husband 3 the Lord himself will deliver him on a white horse.
Good luck!
Posted on 6/25/24 at 1:13 pm to diat150
quote:
just wondering here, do you not notice these types of behaviors before marrying someone like this? seems like they would be easy to spot.
Adult child of an Alcoholic, started dating young, like the other person said, chaos was the norm so it feels normal and comfortable at a certain level since you don't know any better.
Once I started counseling and started figuring things out, that's when things started unravaling.
Posted on 6/25/24 at 1:34 pm to BradBallard
My Step MIL is NPD all the way. We knew she is a bitch but now thanks to this thread I have an actual medical diagnosis.
-She keeps tabs on how much $$$ we send her and FIL for bdays, holidays,etc. If we send him more than her, she will start shite. Sent FIL $200 amazon gift card for fathers day, only $150 for mothers day to her. Oh boy.
-When she starts a group chat thanking us for said gifts and I do not respond (cause I despise her), she will then call me out for being the only one not to answer. I ignore it and nobody says anything else.
-We flew up to visit on our own dime last year and FIL offered to cook huge meal for us. Did not want us to help or get in the way in his kitchen. We sat back and were accused of using this trip as a "big vacation".
-Me, a grown arse man, was told to put my phone away in the dining room while I was texting my son back home.
-She had an episode last year and called my wife telling her she had to shut down her bank account because her dad's name was still on it from when she opened it and it was HER account now. Never got an apology or explanation from that either.
She's also bullemic and cakes on makeup before anything. Puts on an act around others.. yeah my wedding rehersal dinner and kid's baptism have been a blast with her there.
She has managed to disown her own parents because they didn't bake a specific cake for her kid's birthday party. Refused to attend wedding for niece because bitch step mother's two kids were not invited to their small wedding 5 hours away. Her and FIL have ZERO friends. For 7 years, FIL had no contact with his kids until me and wife got engaged and I reached out to inform him of the news. He had the nerve to be upset that I didn't "ask him first".
I love my FIL, he's a fun guy when she's not around but I know she's destroying him. He has been sucked in and cannot escape or doesn't know how. No way he loves her. He loves his outdoor kitchen and whiskey and that's how he copes.
For the sake of my wife and her siblings I don't acknowledge her comments or actions and she's likely looking for a reaction so ignoring it is just eating her up inside and I love it.
-She keeps tabs on how much $$$ we send her and FIL for bdays, holidays,etc. If we send him more than her, she will start shite. Sent FIL $200 amazon gift card for fathers day, only $150 for mothers day to her. Oh boy.
-When she starts a group chat thanking us for said gifts and I do not respond (cause I despise her), she will then call me out for being the only one not to answer. I ignore it and nobody says anything else.
-We flew up to visit on our own dime last year and FIL offered to cook huge meal for us. Did not want us to help or get in the way in his kitchen. We sat back and were accused of using this trip as a "big vacation".
-Me, a grown arse man, was told to put my phone away in the dining room while I was texting my son back home.
-She had an episode last year and called my wife telling her she had to shut down her bank account because her dad's name was still on it from when she opened it and it was HER account now. Never got an apology or explanation from that either.
She's also bullemic and cakes on makeup before anything. Puts on an act around others.. yeah my wedding rehersal dinner and kid's baptism have been a blast with her there.
She has managed to disown her own parents because they didn't bake a specific cake for her kid's birthday party. Refused to attend wedding for niece because bitch step mother's two kids were not invited to their small wedding 5 hours away. Her and FIL have ZERO friends. For 7 years, FIL had no contact with his kids until me and wife got engaged and I reached out to inform him of the news. He had the nerve to be upset that I didn't "ask him first".
I love my FIL, he's a fun guy when she's not around but I know she's destroying him. He has been sucked in and cannot escape or doesn't know how. No way he loves her. He loves his outdoor kitchen and whiskey and that's how he copes.
For the sake of my wife and her siblings I don't acknowledge her comments or actions and she's likely looking for a reaction so ignoring it is just eating her up inside and I love it.
Posted on 6/25/24 at 8:07 pm to SwampCollie
quote:
anyone "stuck" in a cluster B relationshit.... your health, wealth, life and happiness are one decision away. It only gets worse and it's never too late - RUN.
That is terrible to say but it is absolutely true. Borderline is so tough. Because they aren’t bipolar they always look “ok”. They never have manic episodes or psychotic breaks really. Anyone outside sees a normal LOOKING woman. They think “what’s his problem” and the BPD person absolutely uses that to their advantage.
I’ve also always heard meds do little to nothing for it. The only “fix” is therapy. Lifelong therapy.
They just can’t be fixed no matter what a loved one does. The person has to be at such a level of self awareness that they stay in treatment all the time. I don’t know if BPD and Self awareness ever meet though.
Posted on 6/25/24 at 11:21 pm to Jimbeaux
quote:My mother to a T. Dealing with being devalued like this as a child is very hard to get past. No accomplishment was ever celebrated. If she felt especially threatened, treasured belongings paid the price.
The point about them being jealous of your good qualities is so true and so hard to understand. Trying to be a good person is my lifelong project. To be insulted and ridiculed for it is bewildering.
This post was edited on 6/25/24 at 11:30 pm
Posted on 6/26/24 at 1:23 am to HogPharmer
Here for this. Been trying to extricate myself from a guy with comorbid BPD/NPD (and very possibly ASPD) for 2 years now.
He dreams of something and it's reality. The verbal abuse, manipulation, and gaslighting is unreal. This is a person who, after one month of reconnecting after 34 years, absolutely flipped-out on me because I wouldn't let his 5 children and him move into my house. This became a monthly split on his part because I do quite well for myself after working my way through college and developing my successful professional career. He crapped the bed after high school. He wants to be a stay-at-home dad and be absolved of any responsibilities.
For those of us who are/have been in this alternate reality, the financial abuse is another aspect to deal with.
I've been No Contact (NC) and blocked him on everything several times. The one thing that would get me to respond were medical-related issues (there's ALWAYS some health "crisis"). This last time, I finally figured out his medical stuff is both attention-seeking and a way to rope me back into the vortex. He was dx'd with C-diff after a colonoscopy and put on oral Vancomycin after dealing with a diverticulitis flare-up where his Flagyl caused the C-diff. I sent him all kinds of info and told him he can't work (service industry type job). Dude called me 2 days later and said he was on break at work...Stupid and totally selfish of him. I'm hopeful no one he served has gotten sick as a result. I realized then he doesn't care about his illnesses or anyone else.
Been NC for 3 weeks now, but he leaves a daily VM or email in my blocked messages hoovering.
He dreams of something and it's reality. The verbal abuse, manipulation, and gaslighting is unreal. This is a person who, after one month of reconnecting after 34 years, absolutely flipped-out on me because I wouldn't let his 5 children and him move into my house. This became a monthly split on his part because I do quite well for myself after working my way through college and developing my successful professional career. He crapped the bed after high school. He wants to be a stay-at-home dad and be absolved of any responsibilities.
For those of us who are/have been in this alternate reality, the financial abuse is another aspect to deal with.
I've been No Contact (NC) and blocked him on everything several times. The one thing that would get me to respond were medical-related issues (there's ALWAYS some health "crisis"). This last time, I finally figured out his medical stuff is both attention-seeking and a way to rope me back into the vortex. He was dx'd with C-diff after a colonoscopy and put on oral Vancomycin after dealing with a diverticulitis flare-up where his Flagyl caused the C-diff. I sent him all kinds of info and told him he can't work (service industry type job). Dude called me 2 days later and said he was on break at work...Stupid and totally selfish of him. I'm hopeful no one he served has gotten sick as a result. I realized then he doesn't care about his illnesses or anyone else.
Been NC for 3 weeks now, but he leaves a daily VM or email in my blocked messages hoovering.
Posted on 6/26/24 at 5:20 am to Geauxldylocks
Stay strong. The financial abuse is horrible, too. Rules for thee but not for me. We made the same money but I wasn’t allowed to spend. My two older kids from my first marriage were called “taxes”, as in he was allowed to have a $1500-$2000/month (depending on how many drinks and meals he was buying out there) country club membership but I got shook down every time I ordered basic stuff we or the kids needed off Amazon. If I ever brought up how unfair it was, I was met with “you came into this with kids, they’re the taxes and it’s why I am able to have this.” Gambling addict, impulsive spender. Even met with a financial planner once and he kept going “ok I still just haven’t found your spending in all this, what do you spend on?”
I looked at him and said every single thing I’m wearing is cheap Chinese from shein or amazon. I don’t have a spending thing, I go to the grocery store, have a gym membership and have (at the time) three kids in private school or day care. That’s where my money goes”…. He took big golf trips with the bros yearly, whether we had the funds for it or not. Pebble beach et al.
Anyway—they manipulate and abuse you in every capacity. The entire new Taylor swift album could have been written by me, about him. It’s a good listen for any of y’all in these types of relationships, it’s very clear that the long term bf of hers during this time was clinical. Some of the lyrics are haunting. In particular, I relate to “the smallest man that ever lived”
I looked at him and said every single thing I’m wearing is cheap Chinese from shein or amazon. I don’t have a spending thing, I go to the grocery store, have a gym membership and have (at the time) three kids in private school or day care. That’s where my money goes”…. He took big golf trips with the bros yearly, whether we had the funds for it or not. Pebble beach et al.
Anyway—they manipulate and abuse you in every capacity. The entire new Taylor swift album could have been written by me, about him. It’s a good listen for any of y’all in these types of relationships, it’s very clear that the long term bf of hers during this time was clinical. Some of the lyrics are haunting. In particular, I relate to “the smallest man that ever lived”
Posted on 6/26/24 at 5:28 am to tigerbandpiccolo
Wow!
So sorry you went through all that!
I feel like God sends his believers through these types of relationships so that we may heal OUR childhood wounds (it’s our childhood wounds that allow us to sweep the red flags under the carpet I realize now as well as being vulnerable coming out of a 7 yr relationship) and draw closer to our inner selves and what really matters in the grand scheme of things.
Life is short and is one big learning experience.
Stay strong! You are loved and worthy of love!
So sorry you went through all that!
I feel like God sends his believers through these types of relationships so that we may heal OUR childhood wounds (it’s our childhood wounds that allow us to sweep the red flags under the carpet I realize now as well as being vulnerable coming out of a 7 yr relationship) and draw closer to our inner selves and what really matters in the grand scheme of things.
Life is short and is one big learning experience.
Stay strong! You are loved and worthy of love!
This post was edited on 6/26/24 at 5:43 am
Page 9 of 15
Popular
Back to top
Follow TigerDroppings for LSU Football News