re: Has anyone known a victim of domestic violence?

Seriously, she wants him to keep custody so he can beat the child too?

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I thought the OP said "he" (the abuser) was in a custody case?

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Correct. Apparently he has a teenage son with a previous woman and he's engaged in custody case with that woman. Hence, if he gets arrested for DV, then surely that will reflect quite poorly on the case. And I understand the need to protect that child as well. I'm a bit disconnected though to take it into my own hands and call LEO. I'm trying to get in touch with her best girl-friend as she knows more and perhaps together we can reach out to someone.

Remove yourself from this situation. You won't though and neither will she.

Then grow a dick and go protect the child. It's just that simple.

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Several things are important here.

1. She needs to get out of this relationship and she needs to involve law enforcement immediately.

2. There is a child involved in this and that should be priority 1 in my opinion. I think at this point you have a responsibility to protect a child that can't protect itself from a violent adult. This is not longer just about her but about what type of person you are.

There is a reason that courts have custody cases and there is also a reason they have best interest standards in custody hearings that allow a judge the right to go around laws of it is in the best interest of a child.

I feel sorry for your friend but this is no longer just about her and you have a responsibility to protect a child...will you do it?

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This is pretty much all that needs to be said here. Do the right thing OP.


As a side note, maybe I just had my head in the sand about the whole situation, but abuse is way more common than I realized. Since my wife passed away, I've either talked to or been on a date with 5 different women that said they were victims of domestic violence in the past. You could tell that a couple of them were really messed up by it. It was a real eye opener.

You need to get the frick away from this woman.

She needs to get help on her own.

And I'm saying this as a man who's wife goes to Eastern Europe and Central Asia to give medical help to people who have been sex trafficked and abused.

Direct her to a woman's shelter or RAINN or anything else. But if you get involved, you are increasing her chance of getting murdered as well as your own.

you know a lot more than this one, but this is the one that told you.

I had an ex friend that beat up his wife, and that is why he is an ex friend

Pretty clear she's asking you to help get her out of this mess. Thats a brave step by her, and a pretty big burden for you. You are likely the ONLY one she's told. You need to convince here to involve LE right now before he actually kills her.

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Her reasoning makes absolutely no sense. Leverage? For what? So he won't kill her?

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Exactly - she thinks he will let her leave peacefully as long as LEO is not involved.

I appreciate the feedback and what everyone is stating. I do not know where they live, except the city. I met her for lunch and this was spilled in my lap.
For those that ask how we reestablished contact, she challenged me at words w/ friends, told me they are broken up - I had no reason to assume otherwise - we chatted from there.
I am not the only one that knows - her best friend also knows. I know this best friend - former colleague. I am trying to reach out to her and discuss the matter.
I cannot contact LEO and say oh "Shirley McGator" in Riverview is being abused by a man. I'm not so sure they can be very productive with that information. I don't even know the dudes name.
I'm hoping to establish contact w/ her friend, so perhaps together we can do some kind of intervention if you will and involve LEO. I will not involve myself on a person-to-person level without LEO oversight.

Again, thanks for the feedback.

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What's your take on women falsely accusing a man of DV?

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I would imagine it could happen - I'm sure it does. Not so much up to me to determine. Based on her appearance, she's been physically assaulted by someone.