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re: Has anyone dealt with a family member with a gambling addiction problem?
Posted on 8/4/21 at 3:48 pm to LoneStar23
Posted on 8/4/21 at 3:48 pm to LoneStar23
quote:
but ask to borrow money from multiple people every month or so
Sounds like those people should stop enabling your family member, stop giving them money. It's tough love but they need to hit rock bottom and not have anything left with which to gamble in order for them to reassess their situation.
0
Posted on 8/4/21 at 3:52 pm to LoneStar23
Make damn sure they don’t take out loans or credit cards in your name. Happens pretty damn often with gamblers. Maybe put a lock on your credit?
Posted on 8/4/21 at 3:52 pm to LoneStar23
Whatever you do, don't give them money. Will only "add" to the problem and cause confusion within your own household.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 3:54 pm to AU_Nomad
quote:
Whatever you do, don't give them money. Will only "add" to the problem and cause confusion within your own household.
I have loaned them money several times because the lies have been so elaborate. They have paid me back Everytime just not on the timeframe they said originally. I have made them aware I will never loan them money again. I have talked to others that have loaned them money and they aren't anymore either. My family is trying to figure out a way to get more control of their finances
Posted on 8/4/21 at 4:05 pm to CatfishJohn
quote:
Gambling addiction is one I'll never get. I get drugs and I get alcohol. I have very extensive experience with all 3 and enjoy all 3 , but the latter 2 it's very obvious how one could get addicted and quickly
I just don't understanding the gambling addiction. I know it's real and I know it's horrible. I'm assuming some people are just wired wrong and they only feel alive when they lose money.
I love to bet on college football for fun, sometimes golf or NBA finals or something. But immaterial amounts of money and just for the conversation with friends usually or to get myself invested in other games I normally wouldn't be. But I could never gamble again and barely notice.
It's really sad though, I've seen it tear families apart because it can spiral so quickly and financially ruin entire families, sometimes for generations.
Exactly my feelings on it. Started gambling a little on sports in college but had some friends gambling $1000’s per game and just seemed addicted to the rush. I would never bet after I got down to my limit but some have issues with that.
Part of it I think is I personally hate losing money more than making it if that makes any sense
Posted on 8/4/21 at 4:05 pm to LoneStar23
quote:
I have loaned them money several times because the lies have been so elaborate. They have paid me back Everytime just not on the timeframe they said originally. I have made them aware I will never loan them money again. I have talked to others that have loaned them money and they aren't anymore either. My family is trying to figure out a way to get more control of their finances
Sounds like you're on the right track... Good luck
Posted on 8/4/21 at 4:05 pm to Jim Rockford
quote:
From what I've read it's one of the tougher addictions to beat.
Not exactly. The data suggests that it IS a real psychological addiction, but the rate of recovery is very high with treatment (better success rate than drug/alcohol
addiction treatment after 1, 5, and 10 years.)
However, for those who are unsuccessful in early treatment efforts, the prognosis is worse than drugs.
With drugs/alcohol, multiple treatment attempts is often necessary and will produce positive results in many users. But the “multiple treatment” option for gamblers doesn’t produce much net benefit.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 4:05 pm to LoneStar23
Gonna be next to impossible unless he agrees to it voluntarily
Posted on 8/4/21 at 4:06 pm to LoneStar23
Whatever you do, don’t give him money.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 4:08 pm to Jimbeaux
Also you should know that gambling treatment is generally less expensive than drug addiction. Day programs for gambling addiction is sufficient. No need for inpatient stays.
This post was edited on 8/4/21 at 4:13 pm
Posted on 8/4/21 at 4:08 pm to lsu777
quote:
waste of time, just dont lend them money and tell their spouse to put all money and property in their name and only give the addict an allowance.
This was the only thing that worked for my wife’s sister. She had always had a problem, and would borrow small amounts of money, but she had a good job, and it didn’t seem seem like a big deal. Then she retired, within a year she had gambled away her 401k, and any other money she had. After other things failed her daughter took control of the finances. Her pension and Social Security goes directly to her daughter who pays her rent and other bills, and gives her a weekly allowance.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 4:09 pm to LoneStar23
quote:
My family is trying to figure out a way to get more control of their finances
Going to be hard to do if they feel they can still "manage" their finances themselves. See below.
1. We admitted we were powerless over gambling - that our lives had become unmanageable.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 4:11 pm to AU_Nomad
quote:
powerless
quote:
unmanageable
They have to believe it... Then step 2 will work..
Posted on 8/4/21 at 4:11 pm to Jim Rockford
quote:
Gonna be next to impossible unless he agrees to it voluntarily
This assumption is not supported by the data. Forced (court ordered) treatment for gambling addiction is not statistically less beneficial than voluntary attendance.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 4:14 pm to Jimbeaux
I mean as far as getting control of his finances. Courts are generally very reluctant to interdict an adult with full mental faculties. It's not easy even for someone with provable mental deficiencies.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 4:16 pm to LoneStar23
quote:
What is the best course of action to try to get them help
Everyone they interact with needs to be made aware of the problem. Be blunt. Don't sugarcoat it to anyone.
Be prepared of the backlash you'll get from him/her.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 4:17 pm to Jim Rockford
I don’t doubt this is true, but often a family member with a gambling addiction has stolen money from someone. It’s a hard thing for a family member to do, but if you press charges and then work with a DA’s office to get pretrial diversion, the court can order someone into gambling addiction treatment, and it won’t result in a conviction or a criminal record.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 4:19 pm to LoneStar23
my dad Stu Feiner has a gambling addiction. But he picks winners, and is always ready to roll.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 4:22 pm to High C
quote:
Don’t bother, then. You’ll be wasting your time.
^^This.
Buddy of mine's wife had a problem. He cut her off the best he could (no more joint accounts, moved car to her name, etc.). She had a good paying job and ended up stealing from her employer. He paid it back (close to $100K) and they let her go without calling the cops. Second employer busted her and they reached a plea deal (cops were called on this incident). He paid that back. He died a year later of a massive heart attack. His/my friends have seen her multiple times at various video poker places - she is about to go through the rest of his $$. She is actually a nice lady but with a serious problem.
Posted on 8/4/21 at 4:25 pm to LoneStar23
First, find out what he is gambling on or how he is gambling. If you are going to help, you need to know this.
It doesn't take long for someone with a gambling problem to start spinning out of control. For them they are not playing to win, they are playing to be in the action.. So if they win, it just keeps them playing longer.
Don't give them money no matter what they tell you because if they are addicted. They might really intend to do what they say they will do, but they will tell themselves "I will just use x amount to go play", but they can't do that because as long as they have money on them to play, they will just keep playing.
Have a talk with them. See if you can get to admit they have a problem and see if they will agree to get it together.. Which would be ideal, but not likely.. But this is the first step to take. If they are not willing to get help or help themselves, you have to let them learn the hard way and just hope they don't fall in too deep with the wrong people.
Some people have to have their world completely crumble before they want to get help.
It doesn't take long for someone with a gambling problem to start spinning out of control. For them they are not playing to win, they are playing to be in the action.. So if they win, it just keeps them playing longer.
Don't give them money no matter what they tell you because if they are addicted. They might really intend to do what they say they will do, but they will tell themselves "I will just use x amount to go play", but they can't do that because as long as they have money on them to play, they will just keep playing.
Have a talk with them. See if you can get to admit they have a problem and see if they will agree to get it together.. Which would be ideal, but not likely.. But this is the first step to take. If they are not willing to get help or help themselves, you have to let them learn the hard way and just hope they don't fall in too deep with the wrong people.
Some people have to have their world completely crumble before they want to get help.
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