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Hallmark movie watching guide
Posted on 10/21/19 at 7:55 pm
Posted on 10/21/19 at 7:55 pm
As we are approaching the holidays, no doubt your family will be upping it's Hallmark movie intake, and I'm here to offer a guide of what to expect in each and every Hallmark movie your family will enjoy.
Every Hallmark movie WILL HAVE:
1. Wedding
2. Speech to a group, discussing love
3. cookie/ baking contest
4. 10 year old perfect, well behaved daughter
5. "Antagonist" guy who is a workaholic
6. Main female character will be in marketing, be an aspiring author, or be some type of nonprofit events coordinator
7. "Good" guy that wears a sweater or scarf
8. Small town setting
Hallmark movies WILL NOT HAVE any of the following:
1. Comedy / humor
2. Sexual innuendos
3. Scantily clad women in sexy outfits (other than tight fitting sweaters of attractive actresses)
4. Surprise endings
5. Sporting events (other than posed in a negative light from antagonist guy listed above)
Happy Holidays and do be on notice that SiriusXM "Love" channel 70 will be switching over to the Hallmark Christmas channel in 4 days on October 25, a full two months before Christmas day.
Every Hallmark movie WILL HAVE:
1. Wedding
2. Speech to a group, discussing love
3. cookie/ baking contest
4. 10 year old perfect, well behaved daughter
5. "Antagonist" guy who is a workaholic
6. Main female character will be in marketing, be an aspiring author, or be some type of nonprofit events coordinator
7. "Good" guy that wears a sweater or scarf
8. Small town setting
Hallmark movies WILL NOT HAVE any of the following:
1. Comedy / humor
2. Sexual innuendos
3. Scantily clad women in sexy outfits (other than tight fitting sweaters of attractive actresses)
4. Surprise endings
5. Sporting events (other than posed in a negative light from antagonist guy listed above)
Happy Holidays and do be on notice that SiriusXM "Love" channel 70 will be switching over to the Hallmark Christmas channel in 4 days on October 25, a full two months before Christmas day.
20
Posted on 10/21/19 at 7:56 pm to East Coast Band
Posted on 10/21/19 at 7:56 pm to East Coast Band
You forgot the kiss at the end.
My wife fills up the DVR with that shite. It’s one reason I have a separate viewing room for shows I want to watch.
My wife fills up the DVR with that shite. It’s one reason I have a separate viewing room for shows I want to watch.
Posted on 10/21/19 at 7:57 pm to East Coast Band
A vet, a vet, or a vet who's a vet.
Posted on 10/21/19 at 8:00 pm to East Coast Band
The hot chick from Full House is In some
Posted on 10/21/19 at 8:07 pm to East Coast Band
You're missing a few
1. "The Balk" - The two leads almost kiss but are interrupted (phone rings/kid barges in/etc)
2. "The Big Misunderstanding" - One of the lead characters is having lunch with a sibling, other lead sees from afar and assumes it's a date and gets jealous. Or lead male is wearing a wedding ring, lead female sees it and assumes he's married and storms off, not realizing he's a widower. Stuff like that... which leads to...
3. "The Dead Loved One(s)" - Every movie, one of the leads will have some superhero-esque backstory with a dead wife/husband/parents/sibling that caused massive amounts of emotional scarring.
I swear there's just some computer program that writes these scripts. They all have the exact same formula with the same plot points. That being said, they are so gooddamn wholesome I can't stop watching.
1. "The Balk" - The two leads almost kiss but are interrupted (phone rings/kid barges in/etc)
2. "The Big Misunderstanding" - One of the lead characters is having lunch with a sibling, other lead sees from afar and assumes it's a date and gets jealous. Or lead male is wearing a wedding ring, lead female sees it and assumes he's married and storms off, not realizing he's a widower. Stuff like that... which leads to...
3. "The Dead Loved One(s)" - Every movie, one of the leads will have some superhero-esque backstory with a dead wife/husband/parents/sibling that caused massive amounts of emotional scarring.
I swear there's just some computer program that writes these scripts. They all have the exact same formula with the same plot points. That being said, they are so gooddamn wholesome I can't stop watching.
Posted on 10/21/19 at 8:10 pm to Icoachfb
quote:you mean the criminal thief pos who's going to Alcatraz pound me with the broom federal prison?
The hot chick from Full House is In some
Posted on 10/21/19 at 8:12 pm to MadMaxwell
Often, there's an old landmark in the town that has to be saved from the greedy developer, who just happens to be the ex of the person running the landmark.
Posted on 10/21/19 at 8:12 pm to East Coast Band
Don’t forget people being excessively nice to one another and stupid as frick town names.
Posted on 10/21/19 at 8:14 pm to East Coast Band
Hallmark Christmas movies and chill is one of the greatest parts about December 
Posted on 10/21/19 at 8:14 pm to Kafka
quote:
The hot chick from Full House is In some
you mean the criminal thief pos who's going to Alcatraz pound me with the broom federal prison?
my pants just moved a little
Posted on 10/21/19 at 8:26 pm to Kafka
Nah the Candace chick. She played DJ. Was cute on the show but now she’s pretty hot as a woman
Posted on 10/21/19 at 8:32 pm to East Coast Band
You forgot Lacey Chabert. Hallmark talent is a touch underrated.
Posted on 10/21/19 at 8:34 pm to East Coast Band
And these type movies, all true as you state here, are a leading cause of divorce as too many women watch this shite and think that they deserve it too because the tv tells them so.
I won't entertain them and won't date a chick who watches one of these flicks. It is a question I randomly ask jokingly and if they answer they love them, I am out.
I won't entertain them and won't date a chick who watches one of these flicks. It is a question I randomly ask jokingly and if they answer they love them, I am out.
Posted on 10/21/19 at 8:43 pm to 187undercover
quote:
a leading cause of divorce as too many women watch this shite and think that they deserve it too because the tv tells them so.
I can agree with this. Hallmark movies are to women as porn flicks are to men. Total fantasy world in both types.
Posted on 10/21/19 at 8:48 pm to MadMaxwell
Posted on 10/21/19 at 8:51 pm to Feral
One thing that's noteworthy about the single parent dynamic in Hallmark Christmas movies. When a main character is a single mother it's usually because dad walked out, but when it's a single father it's because mom died (and usually at Christmas).
Also, Hallmark movies are apparently set in the early 2000s because there's always a character who makes a craft or product but has never heard of the internet or the concept of selling something online. That goes also for the small town business owner struggling to stay afloat before he/she has a brilliant realization that you can sell things online.
Also, Hallmark movies are apparently set in the early 2000s because there's always a character who makes a craft or product but has never heard of the internet or the concept of selling something online. That goes also for the small town business owner struggling to stay afloat before he/she has a brilliant realization that you can sell things online.
This post was edited on 10/21/19 at 8:57 pm
Posted on 10/21/19 at 8:53 pm to East Coast Band
You guys all seem to know a lot about these movies for not “watching” them.
Posted on 10/21/19 at 8:56 pm to ksdolfan
quote:
You guys all seem to know a lot about these movies for not “watching” them.
Who said anything about not watching them? My wife loves them. Therefore, so do I. Happy wife, happy life. They are actually entertaining, but also just a touch repetitious and predictable.
This post was edited on 10/21/19 at 8:59 pm
Posted on 10/21/19 at 8:59 pm to East Coast Band
The “Christmas spirit” gets a lot of mentions. I’m not a believer, but I find it funny that there isn’t anything about actual baby Jesus or religion in them.
There’s usually soft falling snow. It’s never the wet crap or enough to make the roads dangerous.
There’s usually soft falling snow. It’s never the wet crap or enough to make the roads dangerous.
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