GMT

Today in History: July 16

1765
English Prime Minister Lord Grenville resigns and is replaced by Lord Rockingham.

1774
Russia and the Ottoman Empire sign the Treaty of Kuchuk-Kainardji, ending their six-year war.

1779
American troops under General Anthony Wayne capture Stony Point, N.Y.

1875
The new French constitution is finalized.

1882
Mary Todd Lincoln, the widow of Abraham Lincoln, dies of a stroke.


1918
Czar Nicholas and his family are murdered by Bolsheviks at Ekaterinburg, Russia.

1940
Adolf Hitler orders preparations for the invasion of England.

1944
Soviet troops occupy Vilnius, Lithuania, in their drive towards Germany.

1945
The United States detonates the first atomic bomb in a test at Alamogordo, N. M.

1969
Apollo 11 blasts off from Cape Kennedy, Florida, heading for a landing on the moon.

1999
A private plane piloted by John F. Kennedy Jr. is lost over the waters off Martha's Vineyard, Mass.

Today in History: Born on July 16
1723
Joshua Reynolds, British portrait painter.

1821
Mary Baker Eddy, founder of the Christian Science movement.

1862
Ida Bell Wells, journalist.

1896
Trygve Lie, first secretary-general of the United Nations.

1907
Barbara Stanwyck, actress.


1911
Ginger Rogers, actress and dancer.

1928
Anita Brookner, writer (Hotel du Lac).

1941
Dag Solstad, Norwegian novelist and playwright.

1948
Ruben Blades, songwriter and actor.

1948
Pinchas Zukerman, violinist and conductor.

JOTD
HELL EXPLAINED

The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona chemistry midterm, and an actual answer turned in by a student.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."