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Started By
Message
First the Poop Knife, Now the Poop Plug
Posted on 7/16/18 at 3:44 pm
Posted on 7/16/18 at 3:44 pm
Yahoo Answers
So I am sure this has been posted at some point in the past since the post is from 2014 but I didn't see it in a search. Today is the first time I've seen it and got a good laugh.
quote:
Is this incest?
Okay, I don't know if this is actually incest since it wasn't something actually sexual in the technical sense but here goes.
When I was little my mom used to put a buttplug in me (which she called a poop plug) and I'd wear it all the time. I was told only to take it out to poop, wipe my ***, then put it back in.
I was really young so I thought this was just something everybody did but one time at school I dropped it when I flushed the toilet and it ended up getting flushed. So when I went back to class I told my teacher that my poop plug got flushed down the toilet. She had no idea what I was talking about so she sent me to the school nurse.
Well after trying to explain what a poop plug was for 15 minutes the school calls the police. The police ask me all these questions and at first I'm scared because I think I'm in trouble for losing my poop plug. Turns out my mom has schizophrenia and was making me wear this ********* so Satan couldn't stick his cock in my pooper and make me gay
So I am sure this has been posted at some point in the past since the post is from 2014 but I didn't see it in a search. Today is the first time I've seen it and got a good laugh.
Posted on 7/16/18 at 3:45 pm to rowbear1922
That’s not very funny though. Child abuse.
Posted on 7/16/18 at 3:45 pm to rowbear1922
Poop plugs 1/2 off today on Amazon
Posted on 7/16/18 at 3:46 pm to rowbear1922
What is the poop knife?
Posted on 7/16/18 at 3:46 pm to rowbear1922
wait that wasn't normal??
Posted on 7/16/18 at 3:48 pm to rowbear1922
That's really fricked up. I laughed, though
Posted on 7/16/18 at 3:49 pm to rowbear1922
I bet that mom was really down in the dumps after CPS came
Posted on 7/16/18 at 3:50 pm to rowbear1922
The Devil went down to Georgia, he was looking for an arse to rape...
Nah.. doesn’t have a nice ring to it.
Nah.. doesn’t have a nice ring to it.
This post was edited on 7/16/18 at 5:03 pm
Posted on 7/16/18 at 3:51 pm to rowbear1922
I don’t what to laugh because this may be real
But that fellas farts sound like a whistle now
But that fellas farts sound like a whistle now
Posted on 7/16/18 at 3:54 pm to El Magnifico
OT Thread
Reddit Story
Reddit Story
quote:
My family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you.
Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"?
I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife.
Fast forward to 22. It's been a day or two between poops and I'm over at my friend's house. My friend was the local dealer and always had 'guests' over, because you can't buy weed without sitting on your arse and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it's a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife.
"My what?"
Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please.
"Wtf is a poop knife?"
Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it.
He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fricked up family with their fricked up bowels. FML.
I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn't cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes.
She will be getting her own utility knife now.
[Edit: Common question - Why was this not in the bathroom instead of the laundry room? Answer. We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms. I have no idea why we didn't have three poop knives. All I know is that we didn't. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife.]
Posted on 7/16/18 at 4:04 pm to rowbear1922
My roommate in college took dumps so large he earned the nickname "Trap Door."
He is a doctor now.
He is a doctor now.
Posted on 7/16/18 at 4:06 pm to rowbear1922
Wow
I laughed while wanting to throw up at the same time
I laughed while wanting to throw up at the same time
Posted on 7/16/18 at 4:24 pm to lsucoonass
quote:
Wow
I laughed while wanting to throw up at the same time
Yea both stories are pretty terrible. Which tells me just how terrible of a person I am.
ETA: Why do poop threads get anchored?
This post was edited on 7/16/18 at 4:25 pm
Posted on 7/16/18 at 4:40 pm to rowbear1922
quote:
Why do poop threads get anchored?
Because they are shite
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