re: Finding a toilet when you think you can’t make it…

The worst experience of my life came from an emergency shite I had to take at a Texaco in Jackson Mississippi. It was the only place that I could stop in time and It looked and smelled like a five day old crime scene when I walked into that bathroom.

To illustrate just how bad it was when I say the worst experience of my life, I spent nearly two years deployed in Afghanistan and Iraq. That didn't prepare me for what I'd see at that Texaco.

As a general rule, rest stops near state borders are the cleanest. The remainder are crapshoots. Once when returning from Florida, i had a sudden onset of diarrhea near Pensacola. The closest place to go was a dilapidated rest stop. I go in expecting the worst and see this old janitor. He gives this look as if to say, “Don’t mess up my bathroom.” It was one of the cleanest public bathroom that I had ever seen. Everything was spotless.

My friends wife had a portion of her colon removed. When she has to go..... she has to go.

So when we all get together...... bathrooms are planned accordingly

A couple times I have had to go into monk mode because the toilet was not gonna happen for me and I couldn’t shite in the wide open public.

Happened to me when I was on a road trip for work a few months ago. I pulled into the parking garage and realized that the shits were upon me. I quickly walked into the building where my meeting was being held which happened to also house a bank in the lobby. I see a sign for restrooms and think...thank you Jesus. But when I get there the door has a code to get in. I start to panic but then this old janitor comes walking down the hall. I ask if the bathroom is off limits and he tells me don't worry I'll punch in the code for you. As I thank him and enter the bathroom he says "hey, when you gotta go, you gotta go." Dude must have been my guardian angel that day or something.

The older I get the more urgent it becomes to find a restroom when I have to pee. I can’t ignore the initial urge thinking I’ll get to a terlette fairly soon. Nope, start looking for a spot quickly, especially while driving.

Many states have closed down the public rest stops except welcome centers. It was mostly to save money, but I've been told that the gas station, truck stop, convenience store, tobacco lobbies were all for shutting them down to increase use of their facilities.

We were in heavy traffic going through a neighborhood in Winston on our way to the Paul McCartney concert at the Wake Forest football stadium.. our son is a huge Beatles fan, so we wanted to take him.

Wife was driving, I was about to piss my pants so bad sitting in that car. We moved forward a bit and I saw a portajohn in the front yard of a house getting renovated. It was evening and nobody was there.

What a beautiful site that portajohn was...

One of my friend's kid had to take a dump one time. Stops at the gas station, its a single toilet. Kid is taking forever, friend keeps urging him to hurry. Friend takes a dump in the trash can. On the way out, he tells the cashier, hey man i think somebody took a deuce in the trash in there.