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re: Fathers that always look at the negatives; never give praise
Posted on 8/11/24 at 9:34 am to BurningHeart
Posted on 8/11/24 at 9:34 am to BurningHeart
I don't necessarily care about someone telling me good job or they are proud of me. It's pretty obvious when you do something well or you mess up. Pointing it out is stating the obvious.
With my kids I focus on the fact that failure is how we learn. In your test example, I would focus on the 10 points missing but not as a negative, as a way to improve.
It has taken a while for my kids to understand that focusing on the negative isn't inherently negative, it's trying to make it more positive and become better. Our house motto is, "you never lose, you never learn".
With my kids I focus on the fact that failure is how we learn. In your test example, I would focus on the 10 points missing but not as a negative, as a way to improve.
It has taken a while for my kids to understand that focusing on the negative isn't inherently negative, it's trying to make it more positive and become better. Our house motto is, "you never lose, you never learn".
1
Posted on 8/11/24 at 9:34 am to GatorPA84
quote:
Did the wrong son die???
Dude. Come on.
Posted on 8/11/24 at 9:34 am to BurningHeart
It seems like it's more damaging when a mother is like this, compared to a father.
Posted on 8/11/24 at 9:35 am to BurningHeart
quote:
For example making a 90 on a test and him asking where the other 10 points were.
I've done this
I'm very transparent in my pride for my kids, but I make sure they always keep trying. My comments always carry a dose of easily detectable playfulness.
Posted on 8/11/24 at 9:38 am to LSUSports247
quote:
I praised more the effort than the results.
I was a bit harsh on my son about his effort when he played soccer. I’d bitch at him on the way home after games when he just trotted around. Was a little awkward since he was usually the best kid out there. I quit that shite after soccer…now it’s 100% support.
One day I’ll apologize. He’s only 18 now…so I’ll wait.
Posted on 8/11/24 at 9:38 am to Sao
It’s from “walk hard” chill
Posted on 8/11/24 at 9:40 am to GatorPA84
quote:
Did the wrong son die???
When it happened, in his grief, he told me, in a few words, that that was the case.
I suppose I internalized that, and I would have gladly made the trade.
But I wasn't offered the choice. Probably a good thing because that would have meant my kids grew up without a dad.
Posted on 8/11/24 at 9:41 am to GatorPA84
Mmm, probably not the right person to respond to, though. Not with that liner. Sorry.
Posted on 8/11/24 at 9:42 am to Sao
Nah it's cool. I mean it's been 11 years now. I've grieved. Still do but I can handle it.
It's from a movie. And real life. Just how it is
It's from a movie. And real life. Just how it is
Posted on 8/11/24 at 9:42 am to Sao
quote:
Mmm, probably not the right person to respond to, though
Scared I'll write a poem about it?
Posted on 8/11/24 at 9:43 am to BurningHeart
Sensei mentality. Correct the mistakes, let the achievements take care of themselves.
Posted on 8/11/24 at 9:45 am to fr33manator
Well, I'm sorry. We all are even after all these years. I derailed but it's heartbreaking.
Posted on 8/11/24 at 9:48 am to fr33manator
quote:
Scared I'll write a poem about it?
I bet you have several. Post the best if you want to. We'll read it w you.
Posted on 8/11/24 at 9:50 am to NIH
quote:
My father drank. He womanized. Made outrageous claims that he invented the question mark. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap sack and beaten with reeds. Standard really.
You had a burlap sack? Lucky, soft bastard. My father sold us to a coal mine each morning then would scrub the coal dust off us each night with a cheese grater.
Posted on 8/11/24 at 9:53 am to BurningHeart
Mine was really hard on me
Near constant verbal abuse which killed all my confidence and I struggle with it now even in my 30’s of being inadequate and worthless
My memories of being a teenager and in high school and college constantly being told “ you will never amount to anything”
Even now when I go see my parents I can count on him to be a jerk to me . So I don’t have much contact with him, as there’s nothing to gain from talking to him
He will sit in his recliner and watch YouTube videos with his headphones on and it’s like I don’t exist at all.
Near constant verbal abuse which killed all my confidence and I struggle with it now even in my 30’s of being inadequate and worthless
My memories of being a teenager and in high school and college constantly being told “ you will never amount to anything”
Even now when I go see my parents I can count on him to be a jerk to me . So I don’t have much contact with him, as there’s nothing to gain from talking to him
He will sit in his recliner and watch YouTube videos with his headphones on and it’s like I don’t exist at all.
This post was edited on 8/11/24 at 10:09 am
Posted on 8/11/24 at 9:55 am to Sao
It's appreciated. I've written about how Grief is a real Beach.
I still miss him every day but it's not as debilitating now.
But as far as the father thing goes...I just don't get it. He has no reason to be so cruel to people who just want that bond. And yet he pushes us away then complains when no one wants to be with him.
I still miss him every day but it's not as debilitating now.
But as far as the father thing goes...I just don't get it. He has no reason to be so cruel to people who just want that bond. And yet he pushes us away then complains when no one wants to be with him.
Posted on 8/11/24 at 9:56 am to BurningHeart
My wife’s father was and still is like this. And his unsolicited advice best be followed to the T or you’re an idiot. Even though he’s a boomer and barely knows how modern tech works.
Thankfully no daddy issues.
Thankfully no daddy issues.
Posted on 8/11/24 at 9:59 am to Bard
quote:
You had a burlap sack? Lucky, soft bastard. My father sold us to a coal mine each morning then would scrub the coal dust off us each night with a cheese grater
You were lucky.
My father Paid the poison factory to snatch us out of our oyster-shell beds at 3 am, and we'd spend 17 hours licking the various poisons off of the backs of hobos, then we'd be catapulted back home to the mud pit where he'd drive a dozer over us singing "it's a small world" in a falsettto voice.
Posted on 8/11/24 at 10:00 am to BurningHeart
Sometimes people are negative without even realizing it and it beyond frustrates me.
If a child strikes out in baseball there is a HUGE difference between saying good try and good swings.
I've tried to explain the difference to a negative person, who considers himself to be an extremely positive person, and he cannot for the life of him see the difference.
Ugh.
If a child strikes out in baseball there is a HUGE difference between saying good try and good swings.
I've tried to explain the difference to a negative person, who considers himself to be an extremely positive person, and he cannot for the life of him see the difference.
Ugh.
Posted on 8/11/24 at 10:02 am to BurningHeart
Son and daughter are raised and gone. Both are doing well in the world. I did what I did and in our case I think it worked.
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