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Started By
Message
re: Does society get back to non-fearful hands off parenting of kids?
Posted on 10/18/24 at 8:58 am to Park duck
Posted on 10/18/24 at 8:58 am to Park duck
quote:
It can easily go back. Its the parents, they suck
This is my concern though, as a parent who doesn’t suck. How do I get my kids to have good life experiences when other parents are actively against it
1
Posted on 10/18/24 at 9:01 am to Tiger1242
quote:
The other day my son was riding his bike, he stopped at a stop sign to let cars go by, and an old lady drove by me and let me know I need to watch over my kid better so he doesn’t get hurt, I was maybe 200ft from him walking with my 2yr old, he was in my sight, and did everything correctly to let the cars pass.
You should've told that count to mind her own damn business
Posted on 10/18/24 at 9:04 am to Tiger1242
(no message)
This post was edited on 5/4/25 at 4:58 pm
Posted on 10/18/24 at 9:07 am to Tiger1242
quote:They aren't your kids parents. Don't let them have a phone until they are in 8th grade. Don't let them play video games. Make sure as a father that you point out to your kids that video games are for dipsh!ts. Teach them how to hunt, fish and shoot guns. Let them screw up, that's how they learn. Don't put life 360 on their phone when they are age appropriate to have a phone. (when your wife insists on life 360, being overly protective etc etc etc be a the man of the family and say nay we ain't doing none of that. Don't be afraid to tell your son he's being a poon. Don't be afraid to cuss him when needed. Make them get a freaking job if not playing sports. In the summer YOU ARE GETTING A JOB. Make them pay for their own stuff. Make them have a checking account. Don't check on their grades that's their responsibility but anything less than a C is unacceptable. Cs are average and you aren't and average person. To be honest its a lot like training up a good hunting dog. Make sure they know boundaries and expectations. MAKE SURE THAT THEY UNDERSTAND IF THEY SCREW UP AN A$$ WHOOPING IS COMING!
This is my concern though, as a parent who doesn’t suck. How do I get my kids to have good life experiences when other parents are actively against it
This post was edited on 10/18/24 at 9:14 am
Posted on 10/18/24 at 9:10 am to Limitlesstigers
quote:
You also have a large segment of "hands off" parents who play on their phone all day and let the TV, IPADs, and teachers raise their kids. Those people need to be more hands on.
And most mama bears who shove devices in their kids faces will think you're some kind of psychopath if you don't have life360 to spy on your family every waking second of the day.
Life360 is so fricking weird and if you use it in any capacity you suck as a parent.
Posted on 10/18/24 at 9:11 am to Tiger1242
My son is 5, almost 6. He loves sports. Just before school started there were some older boys, probably 8-10, playing baseball at the backstop in the park about 750 yards from our house.
I asked my son if he wanted to go play. He said yes.
So I drove him over there, asked the kids if they needed one more, they said sure, and dropped him off.
It was so rewarding as his parent to watch him walk out there, wave at the kids, introduce himself and within 90 seconds, be included in the group.
I drove home and told my wife. You would have thought she saw a ghost. I told her to relax and that he would be fine.
When they were done, I told him to walk home. Sure enough, about 45 minutes later, he shows up at the house with the older boys. They wanted to make sure he got back OK.
Sometimes the kids have it more figured out than the adults.
I asked my son if he wanted to go play. He said yes.
So I drove him over there, asked the kids if they needed one more, they said sure, and dropped him off.
It was so rewarding as his parent to watch him walk out there, wave at the kids, introduce himself and within 90 seconds, be included in the group.
I drove home and told my wife. You would have thought she saw a ghost. I told her to relax and that he would be fine.
When they were done, I told him to walk home. Sure enough, about 45 minutes later, he shows up at the house with the older boys. They wanted to make sure he got back OK.
Sometimes the kids have it more figured out than the adults.
Posted on 10/18/24 at 9:14 am to Tiger1242
quote:
adults are taught not to intervene to help or discipline other peoples kids because they don’t want to be mistaken as dangerous or unsafe.
A 3 or 6 year old (I don't know kids ages) took off running in a parking lot, and I snatched him by his shirt collar right before he ran in front of a car (maybe it could have stopped, maybe it couldn't have, might not even have seen him. Mom yelled at me like I was in the wrong. Bitch your kid almost died and I'm somehow the problem?
Posted on 10/18/24 at 9:17 am to Tiger1242
What are you reading? Jonathan haidt?
We are having less kids, it only makes sense to put more attention on them as we are not risk adverse in passing on our genes.
Also parenting, as in good or bad is a newer concept, and we can demonstrate this by the times it’s mentioned in newspapers and books,etc. Not long ago, you had 8 kids and if they lived you were a good parent.
Hands off parenting is dysfunctional as well. It not normal for both parents to work, and not to daily be interconnected with your extended family/community. Kids and women would spend time with their sisters and mothers and take care of the small children together. The men didn’t work either. Fishing with your brother, or building a home with your father is not working. We traded interdependence and belonging for consumerism and radical individualism. I digress.
We are having less kids, it only makes sense to put more attention on them as we are not risk adverse in passing on our genes.
Also parenting, as in good or bad is a newer concept, and we can demonstrate this by the times it’s mentioned in newspapers and books,etc. Not long ago, you had 8 kids and if they lived you were a good parent.
Hands off parenting is dysfunctional as well. It not normal for both parents to work, and not to daily be interconnected with your extended family/community. Kids and women would spend time with their sisters and mothers and take care of the small children together. The men didn’t work either. Fishing with your brother, or building a home with your father is not working. We traded interdependence and belonging for consumerism and radical individualism. I digress.
This post was edited on 10/18/24 at 10:05 am
Posted on 10/18/24 at 9:22 am to Tiger1242
quote:
A good example is the woman who came and told me to watch where my kid rides his bike. She should be telling him to watch where he rides his bike! But too be fair, I fail at that as a parent, if she did that I’d probably be all fired up about some random lady taking or disciplining my kid, I need to let that go.
Well the thing is that some of those parents are going to be going up to your child bitching when your kid is doing nothing wrong but just doing something that parent doesn't like. So it gets tricky.
I don't intervene with other people's kids unless I see something unsafe and then I step in as a mom. I've never had another parent complain to me, just thank me. Like hey buddy, maybe we step down one rail from that fence since you are using no hands, or saying something like whoops your shoe lace is untied do you need some help?
As far as disciplining other kids. My friends know when my child is at their house they have free range to discipline as they see fit and my son knows to follow their rules. I'm also not friends with people who don't have similar parenting styles to me so its never been an issue.
Posted on 10/18/24 at 9:35 am to KamaCausey_LSU
quote:
This is one of the reasons why I love the neighborhood I live in. There are a lot of kids in the area, and we see a few "free-range" kids when we go on evening walks. I think one factor is that everybody has a yard, so the kids in the neighborhood aren't playing in the middle of the street (most of the time).
Same here. We live in a small community within Louisville with our own police department and school system. Plus we have group of parents that I trust to discipline my children within reason and vice versa. My boys have a bicycle “pack” they roll thru the city with. They know the cops and the cops know them. They ride their bikes to school and always have a pick up game of something going on after school.
Posted on 10/18/24 at 9:35 am to Tiger1242
We are hands off as much as we can be as far as not helicoptering and letting them roam the neighborhood and trusting them, but then very much hands on with their studies and discipline related stuff. We also do care about who they are hanging out with and require them to have "activities" outside of school of their choosing (sports, music, etc.). Idle hands, and all.
I think that's very much considered "old school" these days, sadly.
I think that's very much considered "old school" these days, sadly.
Posted on 10/18/24 at 9:36 am to Tiger1242
You are absolutely correct, and every.single.female 7yr and older " has anxiety".
Posted on 10/18/24 at 9:50 am to Tiger1242
My personal take as a 60 year old:
I had my child at advanced maternal age of 42. He’s a freshman in college this year.
Spend time nurturing values, kindness and the mind. Work closely with your child in these aspects and paying attention to teaching how to do chores and helping with homework daily in early years particularly.
Give rules and set a good daily schedule and bedtime. Try a couple of activities with your child. Don’t try to keep up with other families. Your child will naturally find their way of what hobbies they like and what their forte is in school. Parenting is hard, but start early with guiding them to independence and give praise and encouragement. No yelling. It’s the hardest job you’ll have, but so worth it if you pay attention and are truly at their side to guide and encourage for the important values and education. Often tell them that you are there for them to help them grow and become a good person. They will grow and become independent naturally from there.
Mistakes were made sometimes, but you’ve got to keep going.
I hope this makes sense. It’s basically common sense, but you have to work it and follow through. Your child is so intelligent. Help them to become a fully actualized independent adult like you and to go beyond you!
Editing to add to teach your child that when arguments and negative encounters come about with other kids, stay positive and nice as they can and to work it out themselves with the other kid. Important to remain friendly and positive. It works most of the time. Not always. That’s when you get involved and get to the bottom of the issue and put an end to it as a parent.
I had my child at advanced maternal age of 42. He’s a freshman in college this year.
Spend time nurturing values, kindness and the mind. Work closely with your child in these aspects and paying attention to teaching how to do chores and helping with homework daily in early years particularly.
Give rules and set a good daily schedule and bedtime. Try a couple of activities with your child. Don’t try to keep up with other families. Your child will naturally find their way of what hobbies they like and what their forte is in school. Parenting is hard, but start early with guiding them to independence and give praise and encouragement. No yelling. It’s the hardest job you’ll have, but so worth it if you pay attention and are truly at their side to guide and encourage for the important values and education. Often tell them that you are there for them to help them grow and become a good person. They will grow and become independent naturally from there.
Mistakes were made sometimes, but you’ve got to keep going.
I hope this makes sense. It’s basically common sense, but you have to work it and follow through. Your child is so intelligent. Help them to become a fully actualized independent adult like you and to go beyond you!
Editing to add to teach your child that when arguments and negative encounters come about with other kids, stay positive and nice as they can and to work it out themselves with the other kid. Important to remain friendly and positive. It works most of the time. Not always. That’s when you get involved and get to the bottom of the issue and put an end to it as a parent.
This post was edited on 10/18/24 at 10:17 am
Posted on 10/18/24 at 9:53 am to Tiger1242
For generations people lived in either big cities, small towns, or the country. While suburban development has been great for real estate, it has contributed to the to ruin American kids (by parents).
If you were a kid growing up in the country you learned to find stuff to do in out in the yard or field, and learned how to fix things and how to entertain yourself with what you had available. Country kids were expected to come in for meals and contribute around the house and land, but also entertain themselves and learn the land.
If you were a kid growing up in an small town or big city you learned how to cross the street safety, the bad situations you had to avoid, and how to walk down the street to school or to the bus stop, and to the store and buy stuff. In big cities kids learned how to catch the bus and subway and get themselves home on their own. City kids were expected to pay attention to what's around them and behave appropriately in public.
Suburbs should have been the best of both worlds, and may have been for a generation or two. But now suburbs are often the worst of both, big yards but kids don't use them, sidewalks and streets, but no places to go that don't involve adults driving them, and not even safe to bike due to the sheer number of cars and the way people drive. And most kids can't even walk to school or catch the bus with their friends, much less walk down the street to a friends house.
If you were a kid growing up in the country you learned to find stuff to do in out in the yard or field, and learned how to fix things and how to entertain yourself with what you had available. Country kids were expected to come in for meals and contribute around the house and land, but also entertain themselves and learn the land.
If you were a kid growing up in an small town or big city you learned how to cross the street safety, the bad situations you had to avoid, and how to walk down the street to school or to the bus stop, and to the store and buy stuff. In big cities kids learned how to catch the bus and subway and get themselves home on their own. City kids were expected to pay attention to what's around them and behave appropriately in public.
Suburbs should have been the best of both worlds, and may have been for a generation or two. But now suburbs are often the worst of both, big yards but kids don't use them, sidewalks and streets, but no places to go that don't involve adults driving them, and not even safe to bike due to the sheer number of cars and the way people drive. And most kids can't even walk to school or catch the bus with their friends, much less walk down the street to a friends house.
Posted on 10/18/24 at 9:58 am to Tiger1242
We used to lock crazy people up in asylums, now we don't.
We used to put people in jail who commit crimes, now we do less frequently.
We have millions of people who are chronically over-medicated.
We have normalized and mainstreamed sexual deviancy and mental illness.
We have millions of people from others countries who are here and we don't know who they are or anything about their past.
I think your approach seems good. But even if there were neighborhood kids roaming around and playing I'm not sure the benefits of letting my kids join them outweigh the risks anymore.
We used to put people in jail who commit crimes, now we do less frequently.
We have millions of people who are chronically over-medicated.
We have normalized and mainstreamed sexual deviancy and mental illness.
We have millions of people from others countries who are here and we don't know who they are or anything about their past.
I think your approach seems good. But even if there were neighborhood kids roaming around and playing I'm not sure the benefits of letting my kids join them outweigh the risks anymore.
Posted on 10/18/24 at 9:58 am to Rust Cohle
Yea Jonathan Haidt is one of them.
It’s funny, I spend a lot of time with my kids playing in the yard, fishing, swinging, playing sports etc…. Sometimes I think too much, I read his book and I think like damn I should just ignore them more
I dk, parenting is a hard job, you just want your kids to be well adjusted intelligent people, and it seems like whatever you do you’re fricking them up one way or the other!
It’s funny, I spend a lot of time with my kids playing in the yard, fishing, swinging, playing sports etc…. Sometimes I think too much, I read his book and I think like damn I should just ignore them more
I dk, parenting is a hard job, you just want your kids to be well adjusted intelligent people, and it seems like whatever you do you’re fricking them up one way or the other!
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:02 am to Tiger1242
If you are interested in this stuff, Chris’s Williams has a great podcast called modern wisdom. He has tons of evolutionary psychologist, social scientists that cover similar topics. Read the ape that understood the world by Steven Stuart mills. If you continue the reading and journey your mind is about to be fricked.
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:04 am to VolSquatch
quote:
We used to lock crazy people up in asylums, now we don't.
We used to put people in jail who commit crimes, now we do less frequently.
We have millions of people who are chronically over-medicated.
We have normalized and mainstreamed sexual deviancy and mental illness.
We have millions of people from others countries who are here and we don't know who they are or anything about their past.
I think your approach seems good. But even if there were neighborhood kids roaming around and playing I'm not sure the benefits of letting my kids join them outweigh the risks anymore.
I’m not trying to be confrontational with you, but this attitude right or wrong is the issue I’m talking about. Your kid and my kid maybe could become great friends but we will never know because they’re never allowed freedom to find out. Half of us could be neighbors and we probably would never even know it!
I’m not convinced the world is any more dangerous now than it was 30-50 years ago, hell it’s probably safer. We just know too much today and are terrified that all the bad things are going to happen to our kids.
It’s not unlike some people with Covid. Millions kept young kids at home, masked and isolated for their safety, to the detriment of their development as people.
We are so consumed with safety, but is ensuring short term safety at all times worth the risks of damage we are doing to our kids long term growth and well being?
This post was edited on 10/18/24 at 10:05 am
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:07 am to Psych23
quote:
Life360 is so fricking weird and if you use it in any capacity you suck as a parent.
You gon done it now baw. People on this board love that shite.
Posted on 10/18/24 at 10:10 am to Tiger1242
The skein of your life was determined by the All Father long ago. Nothing you do can change when the end comes. Fear profits a man nothing.
It worked in 13th Warrior, so why not parenting?
It worked in 13th Warrior, so why not parenting?
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