re: Do you ever 100% get over an ex?

Everyone has that "one that got away."

I don't think wondering what an old ex is up to is an indicator that you're not over that ex. I think that's human nature. I wonder what a lot of old acquaintances are up to from time to time.

Not being over an ex means you can't commit yourself to a new relationship because your thoughts are still consumed with that ex. I can say I am 100% over all of my exes, but I do still wonder occasionally what a couple of them are up to these days. I cross paths with one every few years because we work in the same industry.

My problem is... I must stop fricking em before I can get over them. That is the hardest thing for me. And they always are willing.

The feeling of loss and rejection will go away. Though you probably won't ever forget them. When I think back on past serious relationships, I'm mainly thinking about the person I was then, if that makes sense. Its not so much about the girl I was in love with, and more about my thoughts, feelings, actions, how I viewed the world.

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But I still remember the one I should have married and instead self destructed. It's been 15 years. I still remember little things from time to time. Hope she's doing well. And I hope her husband continues to be the man i wasn't mature enough to be back then.

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Bingo. Except it's been nearly 25 years for me.

The one I did marry instead of her, I think about only on her birthday or what was our anniversary. But not very often.

The one I dated longer than my wife hurt like hell for about a year. I lost 30lbs and basically just stayed at work. But once that hurt started wearing off I found out the best way to get over one was to climb on another. I went through a 10 yrs run of living life to it's fullest. I never had another relationship last longer than a few months until I started dating my wife.

My biggest regrets were I culled a few that I should have stayed with, but I'm happy with the way things turned out, wouldn't trade my kids for none of them.

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I do have one girl I never dated that was a "what if" for several years. 

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I had a girl that I went to HS with that I ran into when I was in college and she had become a total smoke show in her 20s.

She gave me her number and told me she always had a crush on me in HS. I was in a relationship at the time and never called her. Thats the only one I can think of.

I feel like it’s hard to get over a past relationship until you’re happy with where you are in life and where you’re going. If you’re not, then it’s easy to look back at the past with nostalgia glasses on and feel like things were so much better than now. However, if you really think about it, you’ll remember all the bad and mundane parts. The real problem isn’t her, it was the role she played in your life. You either need to grow out of co-dependency (needing someone to fill all those roles she did), otherwise you’re just going to repeat the cycle with the next girl.

When I get sad about my divorce, I’m not thinking of who my ex actually was during my relationship, but what she brought to the relationship, those roles she filled in my every day life that now go unfilled. When I actually think about her as a person and how we lived day to day, it shuts that nostalgia up real f$&king quick.

It’s all about perspective. It’s going to take some time to get your head in the right frame of mind, so don’t beat yourself up about it, but try to focus on the positives of your life now without her. Without my ex, I get a ton more sleep, never deal with nagging over chores (yet everything still gets done), don’t have to put up with her annoying friends, I don’t have to turn off playoff games to make trips to hobby lobby to buy place settings for every holiday, I don’t get grief for drinking with my friends, I can eat and cook what I want since I’m no longer with someone with every food allergy and picky habit under the sun, and my home is way nicer, though less well decorated.

I may miss having someone’s input when I’m dressing for an event, someone to bounce ideas off of while shopping, someone skilled at getting stains out and repairing my clothes, or having a built in date to every social function with whom I can shite talk with the whole time, but now I can pick my own clothes, I can buy the food I want, and I can do my own laundry. Plus, not having that safety valve helps me be more social at outings and make new friends.

I will say, I do really miss the holidays and family gatherings and going to church with her, but those are the only things that stick with me still.

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I will say, I do really miss the holidays and family gatherings, those are the only things that stick with me still.

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Man, I did Christmas at my brother and his wife's house this past year. This was maybe a month after the girlfriend of a little over a year and a half broke up with me. When I saw them exchanging presents and being all happy, I had to go outside, cry a little bit, and slug some bourbon. I'm a pussy, I know. That shite hurt.