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re: Divoced baws of the OT. How did it go down?

Posted on 2/17/20 at 2:00 pm to
Posted by LSUJML
Central
Member since May 2008
51893 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 2:00 pm to
quote:

I finally forced myself to start going to therapy a couple months ago.


Good for you, hope everything works out well for you
Posted by deeprig9
Unincorporated Ozora
Member since Sep 2012
72897 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 2:00 pm to
Kingbob, similar situation for my BIL. He and his wife were married just 1.5 years ago, beautiful wedding etc, had been together several years prior, and now they are on separate schedules and already seeing a counselor and talking divorce.

Millenial age. Very well put together people, educated and professional, attractive, likable... but just willing to give up after just 1.5 years?

It's odd.
Posted by LSUJML
Central
Member since May 2008
51893 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 2:01 pm to
quote:

Really? Asking genuinely because this entire thread has been discussing women's biological gravitation towards ambition and stability. Ambition is like #1 hottest trait to most women, isn't it?


There are plenty of women who like to think they can “fix” a guy
Posted by kingbob
Sorrento, LA
Member since Nov 2010
69223 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 2:01 pm to
What women want and what they’re physically attracted to are not the same thing, but that’s a conversation for a different thread. Women are attracted to confidence and mistake my cool, calm indifference for confidence.
Posted by RogerTheShrubber
Juneau, AK
Member since Jan 2009
294622 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 2:01 pm to
quote:

I struggle for an overall big picture purpose.


It's really not necessary. .
Posted by tigergirl10
Member since Jul 2019
10673 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 2:02 pm to
Why punish someone for what their parents do? I know plenty of people who are divorced and their parents aren't.
Posted by 50_Tiger
Arlington TX
Member since Jan 2016
42837 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 2:02 pm to
quote:

There are plenty of women who like to think they can “fix” a guy


Really?

I get told im the guy they cant control and that's an issue
Posted by udtiger
Over your left shoulder
Member since Nov 2006
112154 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 2:02 pm to
quote:

How did it go down?


It probably started with that...with a person not their spouse.
This post was edited on 2/17/20 at 2:03 pm
Posted by kingbob
Sorrento, LA
Member since Nov 2010
69223 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 2:03 pm to
They start off trying to fix you, and then when you don’t change, you’re the guy they can’t control. If you do change, you’re “not the guy they fell in love with”. In the long run, you’re boned either way.
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129146 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 2:04 pm to
I was so fricking stupid in my early 30s. Bought into the lie society tells women nowadays that they have all this time to be a mom.

I’m a damn nurse and still didn’t fully understand women’s biology. You can’t fight it. Your ovaries don’t give a shite that you don’t look your age. Your egg quality basically goes to shite once you hit 35. Add on other health issues (PCOS, etc) and you are fighting an uphill battle.

If I knew then what I know now.....my husband and I would have started trying as soon as we got married when I was 34. Better yet...I would have gotten basic testing done before I hit 30 to see if any medical fertility issues were hiding.

Posted by LSUJML
Central
Member since May 2008
51893 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 2:06 pm to
I think it’s mostly younger women but I’ve had several friends that thought marrying this guy would settle him down, make him get a real job / finish school, make a proper husband...

Both were divorced within 3 years

Posted by Johnny3tears
Somewhere in La
Member since Jan 2012
2822 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 2:07 pm to
Been married to my wife for 5 years. Last year she cheated on me, I left filled for divorce but ended up not going through with it. About 6 months ago I cheated on her and now ole girl is pregnant. My wife decides to stick around, new baby is due in may. I’ll let you guys know how that shite plays out. Hopping for the best, don’t know what’s going to happen.
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129146 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 2:08 pm to
quote:

embryo adoption a possibility? Or would that also fall in line with your fertility issues? My wife had several miscarriages, failed IUI's, and a failed IVF before the second round of IVF worked. Not sure where you are in the process, but I hope it works out for you. It is a very trying time for a marriage, stress on the relationship and stress on the finances.
m
It is something we considered. If we actually stay married and decide to pursue a baby again we were leaning toward donor eggs. Either way I’m ok not being genetically related to a child but wanted my husband to have that.

But I need to know my marriage is on solid footing before I will even think seriously about baby stuff again. I do know a baby does NOT fix a marriage.
Posted by The Spleen
Member since Dec 2010
38865 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 2:10 pm to
quote:

I do know a baby does NOT fix a marriage.




Quite the contrary. They almost always magnify the problems in the marriage.
Posted by kingbob
Sorrento, LA
Member since Nov 2010
69223 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 2:11 pm to
quote:

I struggle for an overall big picture purpose.


It's really not necessary. .


It’s difficult for me, from a motivational standpoint without it. It’s a lot easier for me to force myself to go through with all of the little annoying disgusting details and chores if they are part of working towards a larger goal, like the guy who gives up watching college football for a couple hours on a Saturday so he and his wife can go shopping together. He wouldn’t do that just for himself, but he’ll do it for her and their marriage.
Posted by LouisianaLady
Member since Mar 2009
82658 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 2:12 pm to
quote:

I think it’s mostly younger women but I’ve had several friends that thought marrying this guy would settle him down, make him get a real job / finish school, make a proper husband...



You see a lot of this on Reddit I love reading about people's problems for some reason and I swear half of the female population on that website is married to man-children.
Posted by bayoumuscle21
St. George
Member since Jan 2012
4993 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 2:14 pm to
quote:

The truth is that it takes two people to want a marriage to work for it to work. No matter how much one wants it without the other, it won't.


This.
Posted by LouisianaLady
Member since Mar 2009
82658 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 2:14 pm to
quote:

Been married to my wife for 5 years. Last year she cheated on me, I left filled for divorce but ended up not going through with it. About 6 months ago I cheated on her and now ole girl is pregnant. My wife decides to stick around, new baby is due in may. I’ll let you guys know how that shite plays out. Hopping for the best, don’t know what’s going to happen.



Wait, like the side chick is pregnant?
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129146 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 2:14 pm to
quote:

Now that I know I cannot have kids, and I don’t have the wife to provide for, I struggle for an overall big picture purpose.


You can still be a stepfather to another woman’s children one day.

I have a friend that couldn’t have kids that married a man with kids. She loves being a stepmom (but doesn’t try to replace their bio mom).

Or you can be completely happy on your own.

Glad you are gonna start seeing a therapist. Such a great help.

Posted by Pettifogger
I don't really care, Margaret
Member since Feb 2012
85788 posts
Posted on 2/17/20 at 2:17 pm to
God women are terrible to each other on all things reproduction

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