Did your parents teach you about the birds and the bees?

Nope. Learned through watching late night HBO.

I was playing with my lil dick long before my parents even thought of talking to me about sex.

You mean red shoe diaries with David Duchovny? Or Silk Stockings?

Emmanuelle taught me all I needed to know.

I learned in the 3rd grade from thebweird kid down the street.

My dad tried to have the talk with me in 7th grade but I was like m, “I already know this.”

Then he told me he used to have lots of sex when he was young but don’t ever cheat.

And then he described pussy juice as mucus which sounded gross. I didn’t want to stick my dick in snot.

And then he said “pussy is the best place in town to be.”

I hated that conversation

My mom sat me down in fricking 1st grade and showed me a illustrated book about how married people make babies.

Then the public school bus fine tuned that for me.

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You mean red shoe diaries with David Duchovny? Or Silk Stockings?

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I corrected. I had a memory lapse.

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Emmanuelle taught me all I needed to know.

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Same. Emmanuelle in Space FTW.

Waddafook is birds and bees?

Jesus, that's creepier than just putting a cinemax movie on

Nope. Learned when little Pete wouldn’t go down one day after the morning pee. From there it was trial an error and a few magazines from friends along the way. The first time I got laid I thought women could only get preggers on their period. Thank goodness my boys were not good swimmers!