re: Dealing with death of a parent

I'm so sorry for your loss nurse. Everybody in this thread have said the right things to you.

My dad died four years ago, and every now and then a memory will hit me or something will trigger a thought and I will have to cry somewhere off in a corner for a minute and then I get over it. I think it's a part of it. One thing I've always been told is to not try to fight grief. Everybody deals with grief in their own way. But when you fight it and stuff it, you're only making it worse. A good cry is absolutely necessary every now and then.

Thanks to all the replies. It really is helpful.

I know grief is unique to each person. But it helps knowing others have felt sorta the same as me.

I know today is a huge trigger day for my grief being his Bday. And I’m gonna keep myself busy and not alone today.

It’s the random moments that hit you that are hard. Like being totally ok one moment at work and something simple will have me all of a sudden just crying at my desk and I’m powerless in that moment to stop it.

First of all, my condolences to you and yours.

Both of my parents are now gone and are now on the other side with the Lord Jesus and all the Saints and Angels.

Is been over ten years since my mother passed on to the other side and I will tell you, it hit me hard.

I was in a daze for about maybe a month or a little more.

Then something finally hit me, it was almost like The Almighty Lord and my mother telling me to 'snap out of it and move with your own life'

I still 'grieved' very much for about a year. Its been over ten year since she has been gone and I think about her EVERY Day.

There is no magical time-line and know that grieving the loss of a loved one in perfectly normal and part of life.

I know you will always cherish the memories of your father.

When you think of your Dad, give him a big smile and be thankful for your times together.

God Bless my friend.

My dad died at 49 of leukemia. It will be 15 years here in a couple of days. Eventually, all of the good memories outnumber sad thoughts and/or bad dreams. Still think about him and usually talk about him every day, but it’s now usually telling my little boys something about him. When the day he died comes this week, I’ll stay up after the kids go down and have a few listening to his favorite songs.

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I know grief is unique to each person.

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Someone once told me that grief is an alternative expression of love. At first I wasn't sure about what that meant. However, over time I did come to realize that I do not grieve over people that I did not love and I only grieve over those I truly love. Hope this helps understand the process.

Also, over time all the bad memories (almost exclusively cause by my behavior) of my parents have faded leaving only good memories.

I don't understand your pain, and I'm terrified of when I have to handle this. I can only wish good things happen to you today.

Nurse, I am sorry for your loss. Having followed your story through the years, it's easy to see you feeling guilty for the relief that comes when illness is no more.

That's natural, let it play out, and in the end, forgive yourself.

It has been obvious to us that you have done everything possible to take care of your dad and the rest of your family.

It's in God's hands now. It's always been in God's hands, by the way. You did the very best that you could. You have obeyed the Lord's Commandment to honor thy father and thy mother.

I pray that peace and healing be with you always.

I'm very sorry, have been there and know the feeling. When does it get better? That's a tough one, but one you can control to an extent. It's tough because he meant so much to you, think of the all the good times and be thankful for them. Not everyone is so fortunate.

It also matters how. With my dad, it was a relief of sorts. Watching cancer take over someone like kudzu takes over a barn is hard. The grief was tempered by the knowledge that he was in a better place. With my BiL, it was much too soon and unexpected. That one still hurts, but time does dull the pain.

Bless you.

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How have others coped with this? When does is truly get to where you just don’t all of a sudden get punched in the face with the grief? A year? 2 years?

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My Dad died 30 years this November. It never goes away. You learn to live with it.

My mother only passed away last November.