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re: Dealing with a parent remarrying after one dies?
Posted on 3/28/21 at 1:54 am to OldHickory
Posted on 3/28/21 at 1:54 am to OldHickory
Let your dad be happy.
The hard truth to this is that most likely the last 10+ years, they didn’t have much of a relationship but just stuck it out.
And it’s not a shot at them because lots of married couples for that long end up that way.
Your old man wants to be happy in his older years, just let it be.
The hard truth to this is that most likely the last 10+ years, they didn’t have much of a relationship but just stuck it out.
And it’s not a shot at them because lots of married couples for that long end up that way.
Your old man wants to be happy in his older years, just let it be.
1
Posted on 3/28/21 at 2:09 am to OldHickory
If he isn't thinking pre-nup, it needs to be discussed to protect both parties and their families
I also agree that it is a compliment to your mother. We hung out with my f-i-l sun up to bed time after his loss. He nearly lost his mind with grief and was still unbearably lonely having to go to bed alone. Remarriage gave him happiness, comfort and love again.
I also agree that it is a compliment to your mother. We hung out with my f-i-l sun up to bed time after his loss. He nearly lost his mind with grief and was still unbearably lonely having to go to bed alone. Remarriage gave him happiness, comfort and love again.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 4:49 am to Mud_Till_May
quote:The bible also says that if you disobey your parents, they can take you out to the town square to stone you to death. I would obey your dad. Thats from the bible.
Your parents are married to each other not to you. One dies, the other can remarry. Thats from the bible.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 5:14 am to Gris Gris
quote:
I had a good friend who lost his wife. They had a great marriage. Months later he met someone. I worried about a quick marriage. I know he was lonesome. I read about it. It can be a compliment to the previous relationship. The first marriage was so strong that the widower wants to feel it again.
Interesting take.
I think that old married men get very used to having someone to share their life with. Life doesn’t feel right if they aren’t part of a couple.
It’s loneliness on steroids, but mixed with loss of purpose.
Old married women who become widows are lonely too, but they don’t have the same feeling of loss of purpose, usually.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 5:20 am to OldHickory
My father in law started dating a woman a month after MIL death. My wife has six sisters and two brothers, family wasn’t happy
Posted on 3/28/21 at 5:39 am to OldHickory
quote:happened with my father in law. MIL died of cancer and actually gave her blessing before she died because she didn’t want him to be alone. We’ve been lucky because she loves our kids and is a great step grandma.
They were married for 50 years. I think he’s lonely and afraid, but it also seems he’s found love again.
You have to be careful on the ones that are chasing your dad for financial reasons.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 5:47 am to OldHickory
quote:this really is a big deal. She needs to be vetted somehow - she could have $50k of credit card debt that he’s marrying into.
I don’t want my mom’s smart financial planning to be for nothing
As far as your personal feelings my wife said recently something like ‘he was going to marry someone so it was always going to be weird - I am glad he married Susan this is probably the least weird it it could be’.
As long as she’s not a gold digger that likes the grandkids and will take care of your dad it will be a good thing. Just weird.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 7:04 am to OldHickory
Life is short.
Your dad is in need of companionship.
It’s not like he has a lot of years left.
It doesn’t mean he forgot about your mom.
Love him where he’s at.
Your dad is in need of companionship.
It’s not like he has a lot of years left.
It doesn’t mean he forgot about your mom.
Love him where he’s at.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 7:11 am to OldHickory
This happens far more often with men than with women. I guess some men just want to always be taken care of.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 7:17 am to OldHickory
quote:
my mom’s smart financial planning to be for nothing
Never count on an inheritance.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 7:19 am to OldHickory
Why does he need your permission to do anything? It’s his life, not yours. I guess you’d just rather him be miserable so you can feel at peace and be happy. Grow up and be happy for him.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 7:19 am to danilo
quote:
He already has a girlfriend/fiancé?
OP's mom (weird to type that when it isn't an insult) might not have died suddenly. If it was after an illness he might have done his grieving in advance.
I know a widow who's dating one of her husband's friends.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 7:24 am to OldHickory
I've not but at my age know many friend's parents who made the choice to move on. And it's hard for most. Just is. Having said that, I've learned from listening they almost all have this philosophy:
You find lovers when you're young. They become supporters during the middle age years. Both become helpers when old. Basically, you're a leg and I'm a leg to stand on. Your Pop is in the Helper phase. Let him be happy and have someone to look after and someone look after him.
You find lovers when you're young. They become supporters during the middle age years. Both become helpers when old. Basically, you're a leg and I'm a leg to stand on. Your Pop is in the Helper phase. Let him be happy and have someone to look after and someone look after him.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 7:25 am to OldHickory
quote:
They were married for 50 years. I think he’s lonely and afraid, but it also seems he’s found love again.
You need to back off a bit. He probably feels that he has no time to lose. Nobody is going to replace your mom. You know that. He knows that, and she knows that.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 7:25 am to spiderman
quote:
spiderman
Posted on 3/28/21 at 7:31 am to OldHickory
quote:
My mother passed away a few months ago. My father is already planning on remarrying. They were married for 50 years. I think he’s lonely and afraid, but it also seems he’s found love again.
Of course, I’m bewildered. Hurting for losing my mom, hurting how quickly my dad has “moved on.” I want him to be happy, but also feel like I’m losing him. It’s a lot to process.
My parents were married 47 years when my mom died. About a year later, my dad started "dating" another woman. He never mentioned marrying, and he died just a few months later, but I do think loneliness plays a large part in those decisions.
Posted on 3/28/21 at 7:33 am to Fat and Happy
quote:
The hard truth to this is that most likely the last 10+ years, they didn’t have much of a relationship but just stuck it out.
Just because someone moves on quickly doesn't mean that there wasn't a lot of love. It could actually mean quite the opposite.
My dad has been alone for the last 2 years. He had remarried after he and my mom divorced. His second wife died unexpectedly 2 years ago. I don't wish being alone on anyone's dad. I honestly wish that he would find someone.
This post was edited on 3/28/21 at 7:36 am
Posted on 3/28/21 at 7:38 am to OldHickory
Some men can't function without a woman
My uncle did the same thing, he was married for 50 years and had a new wife within weeks of his wife dying.
Apparently he met her at the hospital while the wife was dying
My uncle did the same thing, he was married for 50 years and had a new wife within weeks of his wife dying.
Apparently he met her at the hospital while the wife was dying
Posted on 3/28/21 at 7:39 am to OldHickory
quote:
They were married for 50 years.
So he’s got to be late 60s at the youngest then.
1. At that age you know what the duck you want. Do it probably took a total of two weeks to know he wanted to marry this person.
2. How long do you want them to wait. At that age they know their time is limited and probably want to get it done!
Posted on 3/28/21 at 7:52 am to OldHickory
It's actually quite common. Men don't live well alone at that age. Plus the "casserole brigade" is waiting in the wings for this situation like vultures. It can complicate inheritance issues so advise a prenuptial. My cousins got nothing of their father's because of this. Good luck.
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