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Started By
Message
Dating Advice: Are my dating views radical?
Posted on 3/20/19 at 9:42 pm
Posted on 3/20/19 at 9:42 pm
So I have been doing the whole online dating thing for several months now and I need some advice with a fairly recent situation.
To give you some background I honestly haven't had very much success so far but I did have one semi attractive Indian woman message me. We exchanged a few messages before moving on to text messages. At this point I was ready to meet up in person for a date but she wanted to talk once or twice over the phone first. We exchanged an additional message where she revealed she had a slight disability (no use of right pinkie finger). She indicated it doesn't affect her life much at all but she wanted to be up front about it. I advised that it didn't bother me but that I wanted to be up front about something as well. Here is where it got interesting:
My message to her
Both replies to me
After that I replied back thanking her for her time and that I somewhat expected her response. I did reemphasize some of the my positions in case there was any confusion and that I don't expect any women to "perform" for me. I also told her that more and more men are adopting this view. I call it brutal equality but more and more men are expecting women to pull their own weight.
The woman replied back that she didn't agree that more men are adopting this view and that I am the only one that has brought this mentality up. She also said she would advise me not to mention this to women in the future, women who could be my future girlfriend and potentially future wife.
My question is this, are my dating views really that radical? Where did I go wrong? Does this woman's have (wanting equality in all aspects of life except dating where she wants tradition) a viewpoint that is somewhat hypocritical?
To give you some background I honestly haven't had very much success so far but I did have one semi attractive Indian woman message me. We exchanged a few messages before moving on to text messages. At this point I was ready to meet up in person for a date but she wanted to talk once or twice over the phone first. We exchanged an additional message where she revealed she had a slight disability (no use of right pinkie finger). She indicated it doesn't affect her life much at all but she wanted to be up front about it. I advised that it didn't bother me but that I wanted to be up front about something as well. Here is where it got interesting:
My message to her
quote:
Text message from me to her: Before we get to talking on the phone I do want to be up front about a few things. One is I have no interested in having children and plan to have a vasectomy in late April. Two is that if we do head out on a date I want you to know that I believe in brutal equality. I believe in chivalry but on the first few dates I go dutch. I do this because I have been hurt by women in the past, being used just as a glorified ATM. These women weren't really interested in me but just wanted a free night on the town. I believe in chivalry but I believe it must be earned. I think it's important for both sides to show financial commitment in a relationship. I understand this might come off as a radical view and I hope none of these two things scare you off.
Both replies to me
quote:
First reply: Hey. I'll unpack that piece by piece, it might take awhile. Second reply: So I digested everything you talked about. I must say I don't agree with some of your relationship views. I'm not a money grabber by any means. I've had the same job for five years and I not only support myself but also my parents. I understand that you have been taken advantage of by other women but you need to realize we aren't all like that. In many ways it seem like you are making me and other women pay for the mistakes of those women. The fact that you said I need to learn the priviledge of being spoiled by you kind makes me feel like I need to perform to your standards or else I won't get treated properly in a relationship. Just like you have standards I have standards. I'm a traditionalist that believes a guy should pay for the first few dates, going dutch is something I do with friends, not a boyfriend. You also come off as a little bit of a stickler for money. I work hard for my money and put it to use. I am not meaning to tear you down, just give you my dating perspective and what I am looking for. I do hope you find what you're looking for.
After that I replied back thanking her for her time and that I somewhat expected her response. I did reemphasize some of the my positions in case there was any confusion and that I don't expect any women to "perform" for me. I also told her that more and more men are adopting this view. I call it brutal equality but more and more men are expecting women to pull their own weight.
The woman replied back that she didn't agree that more men are adopting this view and that I am the only one that has brought this mentality up. She also said she would advise me not to mention this to women in the future, women who could be my future girlfriend and potentially future wife.
My question is this, are my dating views really that radical? Where did I go wrong? Does this woman's have (wanting equality in all aspects of life except dating where she wants tradition) a viewpoint that is somewhat hypocritical?
This post was edited on 3/20/19 at 9:44 pm
133
Posted on 3/20/19 at 9:44 pm to TLOTT
Without reading, yes you are wrong.
Posted on 3/20/19 at 9:44 pm to TLOTT
You Jewish?
Posted on 3/20/19 at 9:44 pm to Cosmo
quote:
You Jewish?
No, Catholic.
Posted on 3/20/19 at 9:44 pm to TLOTT
You’re a cheap arse
Posted on 3/20/19 at 9:45 pm to TLOTT
dot or feather ?
Posted on 3/20/19 at 9:45 pm to TLOTT
You sound like a cheap frick. Congrats on the no sex for being a douchebag.
Posted on 3/20/19 at 9:45 pm to TLOTT
Posted on 3/20/19 at 9:45 pm to TLOTT
quote:
Here is where it got interesting:
Not really.
Posted on 3/20/19 at 9:46 pm to TLOTT
You are a fricking retard
Posted on 3/20/19 at 9:47 pm to FulshearTiger
quote:
You sound like a cheap frick. Congrats on the no sex for being a douchebag.
What does that even mean? That you think I threw away a chance at having sex with her?
Posted on 3/20/19 at 9:47 pm to TLOTT
Why post this? Neither funny nor interesting.
Posted on 3/20/19 at 9:47 pm to TLOTT
That was cringe worthy
Posted on 3/20/19 at 9:48 pm to TLOTT
Not reading all that, so yeah probably they are
Edit, it read. You sound like a incel
Edit, it read. You sound like a incel
This post was edited on 3/20/19 at 9:50 pm
Posted on 3/20/19 at 9:48 pm to TLOTT
Would it be so horrible to just pay for the first date or two?
Any woman worth going on another date with will thank you when you pay the check. She will either offer to help pay for the check or make a comment about it being her treat the next time. If she offers to pay on the first date...you refuse...but least you know she is worth another date.
Any woman worth going on another date with will thank you when you pay the check. She will either offer to help pay for the check or make a comment about it being her treat the next time. If she offers to pay on the first date...you refuse...but least you know she is worth another date.
Posted on 3/20/19 at 9:48 pm to TLOTT
Don’t do the “go Dutch” thing. Just meet at a coffee shop the first date and get her a $4.00 coffee. If y’all hit it off, then go from there. Don’t buy a dinner unless you talk to her on the phone for over two hours since it may be a waste of time where you have absolutely no connection.
SPOILER ALERT: They’re not. If you’re worried about money, go with meeting for coffee. That won’t send off any red flags for any woman unless she’s a gold digger like your cheap arse fears.
Obviously the best advice you’ve ever received. You’re a cheap skate. Go with coffee or meeting at the bar for an hour. You saying you have to pay raises red flags. If you’re too cheap to pay $20 for a meet up, you will never find a woman.
quote:
I also told her that more and more men are adopting this view.
SPOILER ALERT: They’re not. If you’re worried about money, go with meeting for coffee. That won’t send off any red flags for any woman unless she’s a gold digger like your cheap arse fears.
quote:
The woman replied back that she didn't agree that more men are adopting this view and that I am the only one that has brought this mentality up. She also said she would advise me not to mention this to women in the future, women who could be my future girlfriend and potentially future wife.
Obviously the best advice you’ve ever received. You’re a cheap skate. Go with coffee or meeting at the bar for an hour. You saying you have to pay raises red flags. If you’re too cheap to pay $20 for a meet up, you will never find a woman.
This post was edited on 3/20/19 at 9:56 pm
Posted on 3/20/19 at 9:48 pm to TLOTT
Ok
Where to start --- LOL... so much.
Dude -- Rule #1 Do not talk about your relationship or the status of it.
Just fricking go meet this woman and get to know her. WAAYYYY down the line if you guys even like each other, then you can actually have a serious conversation about the future. At this point, the only thing you should be talking about is things you like. I like rock music. I love camping. I like going to the movies. I am an avid chess player.....
Two - pay for the first date -- if you are a poor then just have a poor first date, but regardless -- you should pay for everything. Like it or not, a woman wants security -- both physical and financial. You want your first impression to be that you are either poor or a fricking cheapskate?
No offence, but I think it is pretty obvious why you are having trouble.
Where to start --- LOL... so much.
Dude -- Rule #1 Do not talk about your relationship or the status of it.
Just fricking go meet this woman and get to know her. WAAYYYY down the line if you guys even like each other, then you can actually have a serious conversation about the future. At this point, the only thing you should be talking about is things you like. I like rock music. I love camping. I like going to the movies. I am an avid chess player.....
Two - pay for the first date -- if you are a poor then just have a poor first date, but regardless -- you should pay for everything. Like it or not, a woman wants security -- both physical and financial. You want your first impression to be that you are either poor or a fricking cheapskate?
No offence, but I think it is pretty obvious why you are having trouble.
Posted on 3/20/19 at 9:48 pm to TLOTT
quote:
So I have been doing the whole online dating thing for several months now and I need some advice with a fairly recent situation.
To give you some background I honestly haven't had very much success so far but I did have one semi attractive Indian woman message me. We exchanged a few messages before moving on to text messages. At this point I was ready to meet up in person for a date but she wanted to talk once or twice over the phone first. We exchanged an additional message where she revealed she had a slight disability (no use of right pinkie finger). She indicated it doesn't affect her life much at all but she wanted to be up front about it. I advised that it didn't bother me but that I wanted to be up front about something as well. Here is where it got interesting:
My message to her quote: Text message from me to her: Before we get to talking on the phone I do want to be up front about a few things. One is I have no interested in having children and plan to have a vasectomy in late April. Two is that if we do head out on a date I want you to know that I believe in brutal equality. I believe in chivalry but on the first few dates I go dutch. I do this because I have been hurt by women in the past, being used just as a glorified ATM. These women weren't really interested in me but just wanted a free night on the town. I believe in chivalry but I believe it must be earned. I think it's important for both sides to show financial commitment in a relationship. I understand this might come off as a radical view and I hope none of these two things scare you off.
Both replies to me quote: First reply: Hey. I'll unpack that piece by piece, it might take awhile. Second reply: So I digested everything you talked about. I must say I don't agree with some of your relationship views. I'm not a money grabber by any means. I've had the same job for five years and I not only support myself but also my parents. I understand that you have been taken advantage of by other women but you need to realize we aren't all like that. In many ways it seem like you are making me and other women pay for the mistakes of those women. The fact that you said I need to learn the priviledge of being spoiled by you kind makes me feel like I need to perform to your standards or else I won't get treated properly in a relationship. Just like you have standards I have standards. I'm a traditionalist that believes a guy should pay for the first few dates, going dutch is something I do with friends, not a boyfriend. You also come off as a little bit of a stickler for money. I work hard for my money and put it to use. I am not meaning to tear you down, just give you my dating perspective and what I am looking for. I do hope you find what you're looking for.
After that I replied back thanking her for her time and that I somewhat expected her response. I did reemphasize some of the my positions in case there was any confusion and that I don't expect any women to "perform" for me. I also told her that more and more men are adopting this view. I call it brutal equality but more and more men are expecting women to pull their own weight. The woman replied back that she didn't agree that more men are adopting this view and that I am the only one that has brought this mentality up. She also said she would advise me not to mention this to women in the future, women who could be my future girlfriend and potentially future wife. My question is this, are my dating views really that radical? Where did I go wrong? Does this woman's have (wanting equality in all aspects of life except dating where she wants tradition) a viewpoint that is somewhat hypocritical?
Posted on 3/20/19 at 9:48 pm to TLOTT
While I do agree with most of what you say, I think your delivery was far too harsh. Honestly, you have to at least pretend to play the game or you are never going to get past the text messaging stage.
Posted on 3/20/19 at 9:49 pm to TLOTT
quote:
TLOTT Number of Posts: 26 Registered on: 3/17/2019
Ahhh another TOKEN, TOSOV alter
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