re: Christmas without parents...

I lost my mom this past May. It’s hard but I hide that shite from my kids so I don’t bum them out. She was my best friend so it still stings when something awesome happens and I want to tell her about it.

I’d you haven’t, talk to your primary care about this. This is very common and not a sign of weakness. Reach out and get help (if you haven’t already).

I know it sucks, but don’t shut out the wife and kids. Let them in and you’d be surprised how much they help in getting through this difficult time. Prayers for you and yours

Lost my mom, mother in law and my dad in the last 2 years. Mom and mother in law a week apart

Lost my Dad 2 years ago today. I am an only child and my mother died when I was just a baby so it was only he and I for a long time as he never remarried. Tough time of year for sure. Last year was difficult for sure. Prayers for all who are going thru the first Christmas without parents.

Lew,

When you go home with your Father, don't rush him to get rid of your Mom's stuff. Maybe donate her coats to people who need them this winter might be the way to get him to start to let go.
Look up the parents of your child hood friends who are in touch with him and make sure they can contact you (and assure them you are willing to take their calls)
Make sure the utilities can contact you if he forgets to pay.
Make sure he knows how to do things your Mom used to: from using the small appliances in the kitchen, to buying license plates.

Good luck. I envy your having a family to distract you and, at the same time, remember that your children are watching how your treat your Dad. If there's something they can do to help, ask them to help and let them. Maybe he can teach the older ones telephone manners with a call every Tuesday night? Another could send him a postcard once a week to teach the child responsibility? If he gardens, ask him to teach you all how from a distance. Build on what you have to fill a void.

Good luck and God bless.

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ETA: I have a down-voter that stalks me. For the record, I wish him the best and hope he still has his parents. If not, I hope he has peace.

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Why you assuming gender baw

This thread hits home. Dad died 3 weeks ago. He had been fighting cancer for the past few years and this year was really rough. So while I am sad, I am so feel very relieved that he is no longer suffering and having to fight for life every day.

Now the hard part. My mom is now living with us since dad died. She has undiagnosed dementia of some sort (we have a neuro appointment scheduled to give us an idea of what we are dealing with). She has not yet stopped recognizing familiar people, but she has almost no ability to retain new memories past about 10 minutes, sometimes much shorter.

We have the same conversations multiple times a day. Sometimes it is the same conversation from day to day and sometimes they change from one day to the next. She knows she can’t go back an live in the home they shared for the past almost 40 years because she is incapable of managing her day to day life. She expresses that idea to me. And yet just about every day she tells me it’s time for her to go back home and let us have our house back. It’s not a matter of space. We are very fortunate and have a home with ample space for all of us. She just can’t get used to the idea of not living in her home. And it breaks my heart to have to break hers every day and remind her that she can’t go back there to stay.

It is very much a circle of life situation. She is becoming more and more childlike and I am having to parent her, so to speak. And of course this is all complicating her grief process. I was really afraid she wasn’t going to remember dad had died and I would have to remind her (we were there at inpatient hospice when he passed away). Thankfully that hasn’t happened. I’m not sure I could handle that right now.

Sorry for the long post. And thanks for creating this conversation.

Wiseguy,
I've no answers. You instinctively know that your Mom won't pass a minimental test.
The two situations I know where a mind got stuck in the past were both tragic. One, the very kind lady woke up every morning in a panic because she had forgot to study for a particular test in high school. And that was pretty much all she remembered. The other was after Katrina and a friends home lost 98 of 100 pine trees onto their house. Her mother had your Mom's level of remembering and they were staying at a family home up north, and several times a day her Mom had forgotten the hurricane and demanded going back to her lovely house. which wasn't.

All you can do is hold on as best you can. I have written plays when surrounded by impossible situations; just sit down and peck out a play that's ridiculous, don't share the password to it, but type to get that day out of your system.

I will tell you that you will do the best you can each day.No two days will be the same, some days will be a bit better, some day you'll look down and wonder what internal organ you pet chose not to eat and to leave in the middle of the kitchen floor. (Mine generally left a green organ of some sort). That went in my play and after I'd typed it I could smile a bit about it.

You're doing a good job. Because life has a wicked sense of what life is.