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Message
Chevrolet Releases California-Compliant Horse And Buggy
Posted on 9/25/20 at 11:57 am
Posted on 9/25/20 at 11:57 am
quote:
Chevrolet Releases California-Compliant Horse And Buggy
Babylon Bee
DETROIT, MI—General Motors is making waves after a surprise unveiling of a line of exciting new California-compliant vehicles. After a week of building anticipation, officials at the company revealed its latest innovation for the West Coast: the 2021 Horse And Buggy.
The curiosity started last week when GM's Twitter account dropped a cryptic photo of a lone carrot with the phrase "It's coming." Finally, at a live event this week, officials at the company pulled the cover off a stylish, elegant carriage pulled by a powerful single horse.
"We had to re-think everything," said lead designer Abraham Moses Jehoshaphat from rural Pennsylvania. "With California outlawing gas-powered cars, we had to research new technology for propelling a four-wheeled vehicle forward. After countless hours of research and billions of dollars, this is what we came up with. It's an organic, intelligent engine capable of listening to your voice commands and even reproducing other engines. A true miracle of modern science. Levi Berkenbosch from down the road donated it, which is nice. Her name's Sal."
The 2021 Horse & Buggy will come in a one or two horsepower option. Instead of dirty fossil fuels that make Mother Earth cry, the Horse & Buggy will be powered by organic oats and carrots, which can be picked up at your local Whole Foods for $12,000 per pound. Instead of plush bucket seats, riders will be treated to a solid oak plank carved from a single tree that will crack your pelvis every time you hit a pothole.
"The only downside to this amazing machine is you have to stop every 23 feet to pick up poop," said Jehoshaphat. "Although, if you're riding it through a San Francisco tent city no one will probably notice. Also, this old girl's a little skittish around fire, which I hear could be a problem in California."
Chevy confirmed they plan to release many more exciting new California-compliant models in the future such as the "Chariot," the "Flintstone," and the "100 Giant Helium Balloons Tied To A Harness On Your Back." You're welcome, Mother Nature!
Posted on 9/25/20 at 11:58 am to dewster
California would find a way to tax horses for methane emission.
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:00 pm to FearTheFish
Well they are already used to shite in the streets. What’s a couple tons of horse apples?
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:00 pm to FearTheFish
quote:
"The only downside to this amazing machine is you have to stop every 23 feet to pick up poop," said Jehoshaphat. "Although, if you're riding it through a San Francisco tent city no one will probably notice. Also, this old girl's a little skittish around fire, which I hear could be a problem in California."
quote:
Chevy confirmed they plan to release many more exciting new California-compliant models in the future such as the "Chariot," the "Flintstone," and the "100 Giant Helium Balloons Tied To A Harness On Your Back." You're welcome, Mother Nature!
Have to admit, the Bee is better than The Onion lately.
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:02 pm to dewster
Does it have a backup camera?
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:05 pm to dewster
The Bee is really putting in work.
The best headline for 2020 was this:
The best headline for 2020 was this:
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:07 pm to dewster
Non-compliant. Equine flatulence exceeds methane emissions standards for greenhouse gasses
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:15 pm to tommy2tone1999
quote:
Equine flatulence exceeds methane emissions standards for greenhouse gasses
So I guess we are down to just walking?
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:20 pm to dewster
PETA would protest the horses being used.
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:20 pm to dewster
Will the dash still crack within 5 years of new?
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:21 pm to dewster
That’s amazing
We are going to see more of this from car companies
A big frick YOU to Libafornia
We are going to see more of this from car companies
A big frick YOU to Libafornia
This post was edited on 9/25/20 at 12:22 pm
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:22 pm to dewster
When those horses poop they emote greenhouse gasses.
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:25 pm to dewster
This is the funniest thing I’ve ever read from them.
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:37 pm to dewster
Ah, but think of the shite you'll have to deal with.
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:38 pm to I Bleed Garnet
quote:
That’s amazing
We are going to see more of this from car companies
A big frick YOU to Libafornia
Babylon Bee is a satirical news site.
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:45 pm to Scooba
quote:
Ah, but think of the shite you'll have to deal with.
Californians are used to it.
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:59 pm to goofball
quote:
Babylon Bee is a satirical news site.
What?
Posted on 9/25/20 at 1:06 pm to bayoudude
quote:
Well they are already used to shite in the streets. What’s a couple tons of horse appl
Since they want renewable resources they could have sites for responsible horse and buggy owners to dump there shite then the city could pile it up and use it for gas to heat houses. (I watched a video on YouTube on a man who did this in Africa with cow manure and it was awesome).
Posted on 9/25/20 at 10:31 pm to member12
quote:
So I guess we are down to just walking?
Depends, did you eat beans?
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