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Chevrolet Releases California-Compliant Horse And Buggy

Posted on 9/25/20 at 11:57 am
Posted by dewster
Chicago
Member since Aug 2006
25358 posts
Posted on 9/25/20 at 11:57 am
quote:

Chevrolet Releases California-Compliant Horse And Buggy

Babylon Bee



DETROIT, MI—General Motors is making waves after a surprise unveiling of a line of exciting new California-compliant vehicles. After a week of building anticipation, officials at the company revealed its latest innovation for the West Coast: the 2021 Horse And Buggy.


The curiosity started last week when GM's Twitter account dropped a cryptic photo of a lone carrot with the phrase "It's coming." Finally, at a live event this week, officials at the company pulled the cover off a stylish, elegant carriage pulled by a powerful single horse.

"We had to re-think everything," said lead designer Abraham Moses Jehoshaphat from rural Pennsylvania. "With California outlawing gas-powered cars, we had to research new technology for propelling a four-wheeled vehicle forward. After countless hours of research and billions of dollars, this is what we came up with. It's an organic, intelligent engine capable of listening to your voice commands and even reproducing other engines. A true miracle of modern science. Levi Berkenbosch from down the road donated it, which is nice. Her name's Sal."

The 2021 Horse & Buggy will come in a one or two horsepower option. Instead of dirty fossil fuels that make Mother Earth cry, the Horse & Buggy will be powered by organic oats and carrots, which can be picked up at your local Whole Foods for $12,000 per pound. Instead of plush bucket seats, riders will be treated to a solid oak plank carved from a single tree that will crack your pelvis every time you hit a pothole.

"The only downside to this amazing machine is you have to stop every 23 feet to pick up poop," said Jehoshaphat. "Although, if you're riding it through a San Francisco tent city no one will probably notice. Also, this old girl's a little skittish around fire, which I hear could be a problem in California."

Chevy confirmed they plan to release many more exciting new California-compliant models in the future such as the "Chariot," the "Flintstone," and the "100 Giant Helium Balloons Tied To A Harness On Your Back." You're welcome, Mother Nature!


Posted by FearTheFish
Member since Dec 2007
3759 posts
Posted on 9/25/20 at 11:58 am to
California would find a way to tax horses for methane emission.
Posted by bayoudude
Member since Dec 2007
24957 posts
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:00 pm to
Well they are already used to shite in the streets. What’s a couple tons of horse apples?
Posted by dewster
Chicago
Member since Aug 2006
25358 posts
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:00 pm to
quote:

"The only downside to this amazing machine is you have to stop every 23 feet to pick up poop," said Jehoshaphat. "Although, if you're riding it through a San Francisco tent city no one will probably notice. Also, this old girl's a little skittish around fire, which I hear could be a problem in California."


quote:

Chevy confirmed they plan to release many more exciting new California-compliant models in the future such as the "Chariot," the "Flintstone," and the "100 Giant Helium Balloons Tied To A Harness On Your Back." You're welcome, Mother Nature!


Have to admit, the Bee is better than The Onion lately.
Posted by SantaFe
Baton Rouge
Member since Apr 2019
6581 posts
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:02 pm to
Does it have a backup camera?
Posted by goofball
Member since Mar 2015
16864 posts
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:05 pm to
The Bee is really putting in work.

The best headline for 2020 was this:

Posted by tommy2tone1999
St. George, LA
Member since Sep 2008
6773 posts
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:07 pm to
Non-compliant. Equine flatulence exceeds methane emissions standards for greenhouse gasses
Posted by member12
Bob's Country Bunker
Member since May 2008
32096 posts
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:15 pm to
quote:

Equine flatulence exceeds methane emissions standards for greenhouse gasses


So I guess we are down to just walking?
Posted by PsychTiger
Member since Jul 2004
99043 posts
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:20 pm to
PETA would protest the horses being used.
Posted by White Bear
Yonnygo
Member since Jul 2014
13897 posts
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:20 pm to
Will the dash still crack within 5 years of new?
Posted by I Bleed Garnet
Cullman, AL
Member since Jul 2011
54846 posts
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:21 pm to
That’s amazing

We are going to see more of this from car companies

A big frick YOU to Libafornia
This post was edited on 9/25/20 at 12:22 pm
Posted by Kracka
Lafayette, Louisiana
Member since Aug 2004
40806 posts
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:22 pm to
When those horses poop they emote greenhouse gasses.
Posted by jlovel7
Louisiana
Member since Aug 2014
21318 posts
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:25 pm to
This is the funniest thing I’ve ever read from them.
Posted by Scooba
Member since Jun 2013
19999 posts
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:37 pm to
Ah, but think of the shite you'll have to deal with.
Posted by goofball
Member since Mar 2015
16864 posts
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:38 pm to
quote:

That’s amazing

We are going to see more of this from car companies

A big frick YOU to Libafornia


Babylon Bee is a satirical news site.
Posted by goofball
Member since Mar 2015
16864 posts
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:45 pm to
quote:

Ah, but think of the shite you'll have to deal with.



Californians are used to it.
Posted by YouAre8Up
in a house
Member since Mar 2011
12792 posts
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:56 pm to
Posted by I Bleed Garnet
Cullman, AL
Member since Jul 2011
54846 posts
Posted on 9/25/20 at 12:59 pm to
quote:

Babylon Bee is a satirical news site.

What?
Posted by FowlGuy
Member since Nov 2015
1350 posts
Posted on 9/25/20 at 1:06 pm to
quote:

Well they are already used to shite in the streets. What’s a couple tons of horse appl


Since they want renewable resources they could have sites for responsible horse and buggy owners to dump there shite then the city could pile it up and use it for gas to heat houses. (I watched a video on YouTube on a man who did this in Africa with cow manure and it was awesome).
Posted by tommy2tone1999
St. George, LA
Member since Sep 2008
6773 posts
Posted on 9/25/20 at 10:31 pm to
quote:

So I guess we are down to just walking?



Depends, did you eat beans?
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