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Message
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Posted on 7/13/19 at 12:58 pm to MIKEDATIGER
I'm not going to judge anyone's post here as they are from the heart it seems.
But, it is my family now that will struggle as we rarely see our grandsons and nephews already.
He dis make a poor decision marrying her as she and he were young and they barely knew each other. That is legitimate problem.
The remarks about his character is unfounded and ridiculous. He is a great man. I will stand by my very soul. An incredible father and a incredible human.
He was always the light of the crowd--eccentric and made everyone laugh.
His friend Austin has shared with us that he has begin drinking more and just aloof. He helps him and says he will be fine. All it takes is one person you place trust in to destroy everything you once were.
This world is rough. It isn't kind and it will rip your entrails out with a smile. Me and my older brother have shared with our parents who are already in their late 60's we aren't marrying. They won't have grandkids through us. My dad takes it worse then she does but they understand the climate is as toxic as it has ever been for young adults.
But, it is my family now that will struggle as we rarely see our grandsons and nephews already.
He dis make a poor decision marrying her as she and he were young and they barely knew each other. That is legitimate problem.
The remarks about his character is unfounded and ridiculous. He is a great man. I will stand by my very soul. An incredible father and a incredible human.
He was always the light of the crowd--eccentric and made everyone laugh.
His friend Austin has shared with us that he has begin drinking more and just aloof. He helps him and says he will be fine. All it takes is one person you place trust in to destroy everything you once were.
This world is rough. It isn't kind and it will rip your entrails out with a smile. Me and my older brother have shared with our parents who are already in their late 60's we aren't marrying. They won't have grandkids through us. My dad takes it worse then she does but they understand the climate is as toxic as it has ever been for young adults.
Posted on 7/13/19 at 1:01 pm to 187undercover
quote:
the climate is as toxic as it has ever been for young adults.
Man, you seem depressed.
Posted on 7/13/19 at 1:03 pm to SouthernImmigrant
quote:
Prenuptial agreements are the best
That doesn't stop the spending while married.
Posted on 7/13/19 at 1:05 pm to notiger1997
Yea, I love my brother. If I was a shallow shite I likely wouldn't be.
We are close.
Like brothers. Dumb frick.
We are close.
Like brothers. Dumb frick.
Posted on 7/13/19 at 1:06 pm to 187undercover
Don’t take it personally. The OT will always knight against the OP . Because they think it bugs you. Sorry this is happening-really bad and undeserved things happen to really good people every day.
Posted on 7/13/19 at 1:09 pm to 187undercover
quote:
but they understand the climate is as toxic as it has ever been for young adults.
Marriage is work, both have to have buy in for it to be healthy and happy.
Maybe I'm lucky, I married my best friend who is attractive, career oriented/driven and is a great mother. But it is a given and take relationship.
Too many people have unreal expectations going into it and when they manifest into reality they cannot cope with the change.
Posted on 7/13/19 at 1:10 pm to 187undercover
Well I hope things get better for you and him
Posted on 7/13/19 at 1:10 pm to 187undercover
quote:
Me and my older brother have shared with our parents who are already in their late 60's we aren't marrying. They won't have grandkids through us.
How old are you? I ask because speaking in terms of absolutes sounds like 23 yr old me. Your future is unknown and life can change on a dime. You will change too over time.
Posted on 7/13/19 at 1:22 pm to LSUdude247
quote:
It's as if she's blaming him for having kids and having to raise them. If she wanted that stuff she should've gone after it, instead of having 2 kids
Good people can do both
Posted on 7/13/19 at 1:25 pm to Big Block Stingray
Marriage is work no matter what. Particularly with kids. I went through a similar situation. Was making bank, wife staying at home with the kids, living in a half million dollar house. She wanted for nothing. The second finances got bumpy she made my life a living hell, refused to get a job and had an affair with a married cop.
I divorced her and have joint custody of my kids. All that to say the second I removed her from my daily life, my career took an upswing, I re-married to a woman I grew up with and reconnected with after a decade, and we are expecting a little girl in November.
My current wife makes over 200k a year in her own respect and is an amazing woman and mother.
While my ex is still dating..working 6 days a week, and still drunk dials me/texts bitching about her life on the regular.
Tell your brother things will get better. Divorce sucks especially with kids , but tell him to stay positive, focus on being an awesome dad and someone special will show up when he leases expects it.
I divorced her and have joint custody of my kids. All that to say the second I removed her from my daily life, my career took an upswing, I re-married to a woman I grew up with and reconnected with after a decade, and we are expecting a little girl in November.
My current wife makes over 200k a year in her own respect and is an amazing woman and mother.
While my ex is still dating..working 6 days a week, and still drunk dials me/texts bitching about her life on the regular.
Tell your brother things will get better. Divorce sucks especially with kids , but tell him to stay positive, focus on being an awesome dad and someone special will show up when he leases expects it.
This post was edited on 7/13/19 at 1:28 pm
Posted on 7/13/19 at 1:28 pm to 187undercover
The older we get the more materialistic we become. And that isn't really a good thing. Some people expect to have more things than others, things that in the grand scheme of it all are not important.
People want to live in a certain type of house, drive certain types of vehicles, be able to do certain things (go on vacations to certain areas, etc, etc, dress a certain way, want to live as if money is an unlimited resource.
On one hand our economy depends on that mindset, but on the other hand.. People who have a certain expectation that includes material things are always chasing. Once they get to a certain point they want more.
The start off with a Corolla and once they have that, the whole time they are driving it they want a Camry. They get the Camry and for a little while they are happy but then they eventually want an Avalon. They are happy to get the Avalon, but at some point when it comes time to get a new one.. They don't want the same thing. They expect to get a Lexus.
Once they realize that in their current state, they cant continue to upgrade, they will either fall into reality that they should be thankful for what they have because material things are not really the key to happiness or they will jump ship in order to find greener pastures.
People want to live in a certain type of house, drive certain types of vehicles, be able to do certain things (go on vacations to certain areas, etc, etc, dress a certain way, want to live as if money is an unlimited resource.
On one hand our economy depends on that mindset, but on the other hand.. People who have a certain expectation that includes material things are always chasing. Once they get to a certain point they want more.
The start off with a Corolla and once they have that, the whole time they are driving it they want a Camry. They get the Camry and for a little while they are happy but then they eventually want an Avalon. They are happy to get the Avalon, but at some point when it comes time to get a new one.. They don't want the same thing. They expect to get a Lexus.
Once they realize that in their current state, they cant continue to upgrade, they will either fall into reality that they should be thankful for what they have because material things are not really the key to happiness or they will jump ship in order to find greener pastures.
Posted on 7/13/19 at 1:35 pm to 187undercover
quote:
I'm not going to judge anyone's post here as they are from the heart it seems.
But, it is my family now that will struggle as we rarely see our grandsons and nephews already.
He dis make a poor decision marrying her as she and he were young and they barely knew each other. That is legitimate problem.
The remarks about his character is unfounded and ridiculous. He is a great man. I will stand by my very soul. An incredible father and a incredible human.
He was always the light of the crowd--eccentric and made everyone laugh.
His friend Austin has shared with us that he has begin drinking more and just aloof. He helps him and says he will be fine. All it takes is one person you place trust in to destroy everything you once were.
This world is rough. It isn't kind and it will rip your entrails out with a smile. Me and my older brother have shared with our parents who are already in their late 60's we aren't marrying. They won't have grandkids through us. My dad takes it worse then she does but they understand the climate is as toxic as it has ever been for young adults.
He sound like a great friend and brother.
However, you seem young and overlooking the key question. How was he as a husband?
Did you live with them? Were you a fly on the wall listening to their communication?
It sounds like you're very upset and want to be in your brother's corner and that's commendable, but you need to be able to compartmentalize that just because he is a great brother/ friend/ whatever...does that mean he knew what it was like to be a good husband.
I can say this just by his text to you about, "ahhh, the good ole days when all we had do was wink or smile and the girl loves you." Huh?? What?
He, like you, seem young and doesn't want to look in his own backyard.
Ask him this: Why did he smile? Why did he wink? Why did he hold the door open? He did that shite because he is programed to do so because of evolutionary traits...his end game of those actions were to get laid. Back to the whole "bucket getting filled"
He wasn't smiling at the cute girl and helping her pick her papers up when they fell over because he was self-less.
He needs to stop thinking of the "days of yore on the playground" and realize it takes a lot of work, self-reflection, patience, etc. to make a marriage flow.
He sounds like he just wants to blame the wife...and honestly, so do you
This post was edited on 7/13/19 at 1:38 pm
Posted on 7/13/19 at 1:37 pm to Chuker
It's amazing too, because you're screwing around with a married woman and then all of a sudden she wants things to get real serious with out realizing you think they're a ho that you're just getting your rocks off easy with. In my experience the girlfriends cheating on their guy were less prone to this.
Posted on 7/13/19 at 2:36 pm to fr33manator
quote:
There’s another man. Book it
This.
The problem is that if a bitch wants to do this, the man suffers while she moves on to new dick, probably bigger home/more money, and still probably gets the kids for the majority of the time.
Then guys like your brother get to keep working two jobs , except now the money STILL goes to her for child support, he won’t get to see his kids nearly as much, and his life goes to chit. (For the near future anyway)
Meanwhile her life/lifestyle just got better .... for being a cheating, materialistic egomaniac that will suffer zero for her choices...
Fricking count.....
Posted on 7/13/19 at 2:44 pm to kingbob
I think there have been many good points made on the thread, yours included. There have also been lots of typical TD's OT opinions that are terrible and ignorant, at best. I don't agree with all of what you said (and that's okay), but you speak lots of truth.
That's one way to lose respect from your woman, but it's not the only way. The key component is "losing respect." On the flip side, you can lose her respect by controlling her world too much too. In any case, the wound is the same and almost always a mortal one if help is not administered asap.
This is key, and neither can other men be attracted (in the brotherly sense) to other men whom they do not respect.
If a man has no respect from other people, whether real or perceived, he has nothing: A scorned man stripped of his dignity is a dangerous man- especially to himself. He is the most dangerous of men because he is in danger of losing all that a normal-functioning man has to live for- including his woman, his wife.
My brother in law is going through a divorce now. His wife had an affair on him, and the divorce is not surprising; it was a train wreck from the beginning and everyone knew it. From poor financial decisions, to substance abuse, or being too young to marry and for the wrong reasons, to having a child too young and so much more: The marriage was doomed and other family members fueled the engine of that runaway train by throwing money and other superficial things on it to put up a facade of bliss because they had hung their star on these two and crowned them as the inhabitants of Camelot.
I knew when his best friend's wife left him that my bro in law was next due to the clucking immature hen syndrome, and I was right.
His friend had checked many of the same boxes on the "impending divorce" checklist that the bro in law had (including marrying highly dysfunctional, unstable people who happened to be women) (not that the two men are functional by any means but they at least defied biology and kept their dick in their pants, supposedly), but the main culprit- the one irredeemable factor- that brought about the letters d-i-v-o-r-c-e for both marriages was the complete and total death of respect for the "supposed-to-be" man of the household.
The "men" of both households are two men I have a problem calling, "men." I have little respect for them in their current state. While their wives are crazy homewrecking whores themselves, from beginning to end, they- the man of the house- did not handle their chit.
It is quite simple, and my own personal be-all-end-all source for wisdom, the Holy Bible, spells it out clearly and plainly (Disclaimer: I am no saint, so relax): Women, respect your husband as the male he was created as; men, respect your wife for the woman she was created as.
As well, men and women shall respect each other no matter the sex- as long as they are due it. (Never give a fool respect if he's not due it because that's foolish in and of itself.)
We, especially men, should expect respect and carry ourselves to be due it, AND graciously give it back upon receiving it to both women and men. It is a noble thing to give respect, especially to a man or woman who is very much deserving of it. It is good for society: for us all to freely and gladly give respect to others and build them up. It brings out the best of good will amongst people.
The minute a man has people lose respect for him, he has lost the keys to his kingdom, and when the woman of his life withdraws her, all bets are off. As long as we expect respect and carry ourselves in a way where we are due it and as long as we readily give it to others who have a right to being honored, our paths in life can be forged- no matter the bumps in the way or twists in the road, marriage included. I know what I'm talking about too: I'm 5 years in on a marriage based off of a 10 year, 100% faithful relationship before marrying, and both of us are as in love with each other as ever before because we respect each other for who each of us is at our core. In every respect, at every phase, we respect each other, and even from the beginning, we both chose wisely, acted wisely, and have our own identity: We have handled our chit, and I, the king of my castle, am the catalyst to seeing that it stays that way.
Someone earlier said "marriage is a bitch." While that can be true, I think the better wording is, "Marriage can be a bitch and will be a bitch, but upon seeing it through, your fortitude will be strengthened beyond disrepair."
Regarding respect, this board and other sub-boards are a fabulous sample of the utter dissolution of respect for others that we as a society have spiraled down to: There is little to no exchange of respect, and so dignity and integrity are endangered species.
And yet, we are all surprised?
quote:
When they get control of a man’s world, they lose all respect for him, and thus all attraction for him.
That's one way to lose respect from your woman, but it's not the only way. The key component is "losing respect." On the flip side, you can lose her respect by controlling her world too much too. In any case, the wound is the same and almost always a mortal one if help is not administered asap.
quote:
Women cannot be attracted to a man they do not respect.
This is key, and neither can other men be attracted (in the brotherly sense) to other men whom they do not respect.
If a man has no respect from other people, whether real or perceived, he has nothing: A scorned man stripped of his dignity is a dangerous man- especially to himself. He is the most dangerous of men because he is in danger of losing all that a normal-functioning man has to live for- including his woman, his wife.
My brother in law is going through a divorce now. His wife had an affair on him, and the divorce is not surprising; it was a train wreck from the beginning and everyone knew it. From poor financial decisions, to substance abuse, or being too young to marry and for the wrong reasons, to having a child too young and so much more: The marriage was doomed and other family members fueled the engine of that runaway train by throwing money and other superficial things on it to put up a facade of bliss because they had hung their star on these two and crowned them as the inhabitants of Camelot.
I knew when his best friend's wife left him that my bro in law was next due to the clucking immature hen syndrome, and I was right.
His friend had checked many of the same boxes on the "impending divorce" checklist that the bro in law had (including marrying highly dysfunctional, unstable people who happened to be women) (not that the two men are functional by any means but they at least defied biology and kept their dick in their pants, supposedly), but the main culprit- the one irredeemable factor- that brought about the letters d-i-v-o-r-c-e for both marriages was the complete and total death of respect for the "supposed-to-be" man of the household.
The "men" of both households are two men I have a problem calling, "men." I have little respect for them in their current state. While their wives are crazy homewrecking whores themselves, from beginning to end, they- the man of the house- did not handle their chit.
It is quite simple, and my own personal be-all-end-all source for wisdom, the Holy Bible, spells it out clearly and plainly (Disclaimer: I am no saint, so relax): Women, respect your husband as the male he was created as; men, respect your wife for the woman she was created as.
As well, men and women shall respect each other no matter the sex- as long as they are due it. (Never give a fool respect if he's not due it because that's foolish in and of itself.)
We, especially men, should expect respect and carry ourselves to be due it, AND graciously give it back upon receiving it to both women and men. It is a noble thing to give respect, especially to a man or woman who is very much deserving of it. It is good for society: for us all to freely and gladly give respect to others and build them up. It brings out the best of good will amongst people.
The minute a man has people lose respect for him, he has lost the keys to his kingdom, and when the woman of his life withdraws her, all bets are off. As long as we expect respect and carry ourselves in a way where we are due it and as long as we readily give it to others who have a right to being honored, our paths in life can be forged- no matter the bumps in the way or twists in the road, marriage included. I know what I'm talking about too: I'm 5 years in on a marriage based off of a 10 year, 100% faithful relationship before marrying, and both of us are as in love with each other as ever before because we respect each other for who each of us is at our core. In every respect, at every phase, we respect each other, and even from the beginning, we both chose wisely, acted wisely, and have our own identity: We have handled our chit, and I, the king of my castle, am the catalyst to seeing that it stays that way.
Someone earlier said "marriage is a bitch." While that can be true, I think the better wording is, "Marriage can be a bitch and will be a bitch, but upon seeing it through, your fortitude will be strengthened beyond disrepair."
Regarding respect, this board and other sub-boards are a fabulous sample of the utter dissolution of respect for others that we as a society have spiraled down to: There is little to no exchange of respect, and so dignity and integrity are endangered species.
And yet, we are all surprised?
Posted on 7/13/19 at 3:35 pm to 187undercover
quote:
What the rambling was from him I believe is that when we are younger, and before "life" takes over as we become adults, young ladies when they crush for a guy usually has nothing to do with his material wealth. It is a lot like men are throughout their lifefimes--beauty, physique, and the little things that show you are a just guy becoming a good man. Things change and he places blame on the western culture shift. I won't argue with him right now about it. I don't think it is just western culture. I think it is a universal paradox.
And I'm not trying to stir shite here but he's blaming all the things he is not good at. This is the losing side of Revenge of the Nerds
Posted on 7/13/19 at 3:57 pm to 187undercover
All of this sounds a bit juvenile to me. Divorce happens and happens to so many people. Almost always, one of the two sees himself/herself as the victim. Often, both do. Believe me, if you heard her side of the story, you wouldn’t recognize it. As likely as not, she thinks he brought this on himself and sees herself as the victim. If there’s another guy? She was forced to save herself.
Each one will construct his own reality. At this point, what does it matter?
My advice? Get over it and move on. There’s a lot of life left and staying bitter won’t fix a thing.
Each one will construct his own reality. At this point, what does it matter?
My advice? Get over it and move on. There’s a lot of life left and staying bitter won’t fix a thing.
Posted on 7/13/19 at 4:04 pm to dbeck
quote:
Jesus never got married. He knew bitches were trouble.
Jesus and Mary Magdalene were married, or at least hooking up.
Posted on 7/13/19 at 7:25 pm to CockyTime
quote:
CockyTime
Realest shite over posted on the OT
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