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re: Brother going through a divorce...
Posted on 7/13/19 at 9:30 am to CockyTime
Posted on 7/13/19 at 9:30 am to CockyTime
quote:Wow. This is/was your problem and you have no insight into it. You think the hard part is over once you get married.
I think for most guys, the game ends when you put a ring on it. We're rational and putting a ring on it is such a big deal to us and decision to make, we feel the hard part is over...they still need the constant attention while you no longer needed the same after the ring.
The work for a meaningful relationship is just starting.
0
Posted on 7/13/19 at 9:31 am to BobABooey
Thing is there is no such thing as “love” as western societies have romanticizedit.It’s all biochemical and their effect on the brain.The first phase is the catecholamine phase,this phase is when one gets the feeling of excitement,”butterfly” feeling in the stomach,can’t get enough of each other,etc.This phase lasts no more than a year.Then comes the endorphin phase when couples feel “warm and fuzzy”,feelings of comfort ” when together.This lasts no more than 5 years.After that if a couple stay together it’s for other reasons-they have become good friends,have shared interests,children, financial security,emotional maturity,common goals,etc.The humdrum of daily life can be quite a letdown and disappointing when one thinks back on the excitement of the early years of a relationship.It’s not realistic to think the excitement is going to last,at the same time couples become complacent,start taking each other for granted,tend to stop worrying about their appearance,become absorbed in their own interests,quit showing appreciation for each other.Someone else comes along,give them the eye,maybe flirts a little,all of a sudden they feel desirable again,easy to stray at this point or at least feel unhappiness in their current relationship.
Internet,social media certainly haven’t helped.People get on Facebook and “everyone” else is living this exciting life,living in fabulous houses,going on wonderful vacations.They’re in debt to their eyeballs but they’re “living the dream”.
Getting married too young is recipe for unhappiness in many cases,people change as they get older but waiting until one is older creates another dilemma.Dating pool becomes dominated with divorced people with “baggage”-ex’s,children,debt.
In,
In short, marriage is a bitch.Anyone who thinks different is living in fantasy land.
Internet,social media certainly haven’t helped.People get on Facebook and “everyone” else is living this exciting life,living in fabulous houses,going on wonderful vacations.They’re in debt to their eyeballs but they’re “living the dream”.
Getting married too young is recipe for unhappiness in many cases,people change as they get older but waiting until one is older creates another dilemma.Dating pool becomes dominated with divorced people with “baggage”-ex’s,children,debt.
In,
In short, marriage is a bitch.Anyone who thinks different is living in fantasy land.
Posted on 7/13/19 at 9:31 am to LSUA 75
quote:
short, marriage is a bitch.Anyone who thinks different is living in fantasy land.
What flavor is that red pill?
Posted on 7/13/19 at 9:32 am to LSUA 75
quote:
In short, marriage is a bitch.Anyone who thinks different is living in fantasy land.
Posted on 7/13/19 at 9:34 am to Lsupimp
quote:
Speaking broadly ( no pun intended) Women, as they age want CONTROL.
The ultimate irony is that when women get control, they HATE it. They like the prestige of control, the trappings of control, but they hate the minutia, the need to pay attention to details, and the responsibility for making all the little decisions. When they get control of a man’s world, they lose all respect for him, and thus all attraction for him. Women cannot be attracted to a man they do not respect. As soon as they have control, they will start unconsciously looking for a new man who they cannot control (and who will control them) so they can start the cycle all over again.
Women are attracted to confidence because they are aroused by being controlled. That’s why they stick with abusive relationships and have rape fantasies. However, they have all been indoctrinated to want control (and the prestige and attention that comes with it), so they strive in their relationships to take control. So, they are initially attracted by the confidence (read, inability to control the man), so they try to change him by breaking down that control and taking it for themselves (because they’re taught to want control). However, they’re not attracted to men they control, so once they’ve changed him, they’re no longer attracted to him. Then, they blame the man for changing and not being the man they fell in love with so they can justify cheating on him with someone else they don’t control.
The key is to never let them control you. Never give in to emotional blackmail. Never value sex with her over you still having control because so long as you have it, she will be pursuing you rather than the other way around. So long as you let her chase you, your relationship will be safe.
Don’t confuse having control with being controlling. Being controlling is a sign of insecurity, which is not attractive. Control is manifested by whomever cares less about ending the relationship. If she believes that you care about her more than she cares about you, she has control. She will leverage the relationship against you being right believing you will cave for the sake of the relationship. If she believes she cares for you more than you care for her, she won’t engage in emotional blackmail, she will constantly be pursuing your affections, and she will be willing to compromise in disagreements. A woman with control will almost never compromise on anything because she doesn’t have to. She knows she can just nag, shame, or cry until she gets her way.
This post was edited on 7/13/19 at 10:24 am
Posted on 7/13/19 at 9:37 am to USMEagles
quote:
Quit enabling us!
This. A basic girl can post a picture and there will be hundreds of guys shooting out of their league w/ how beautiful she is.
These same guys sit here and message married women and don't care either.
I mean we do it to ourselves. This is from someone who got left and divorced. But 50/50 is pretty easy to get.
Posted on 7/13/19 at 9:37 am to 187undercover
I really don’t feel sorry for people that marry really shitty partners. Pick a good woman and this doesn’t happen. Why anyone would marry someone that doesn’t work and expect a certain lifestyle is fricking lunacy!
Posted on 7/13/19 at 9:37 am to 187undercover
I live in a no fault divorce state.
Married twenty one years
Separated nine years ago
Divorced seven years ago
She just wanted a different life. She even told the divorce mediator I was a good man, but that she was no longer “in-love”.
To her credit, she could have asked for lifetime alimony. Instead, we settled on a larger amount (more than half of what I took home) for seven years.
My last payment was March 1
Now....
She has a loser boyfriend who can’t support her
My pay effectively doubled
My kids know who tried to save our family and who destroyed it.
I’m dating a beautiful woman who has had men treat her poorly. So she really appreciates me.
All of this to say....yes, no fault divorce is just bullshite.
I’ve come out on top, but I’d rather an intact family.
Married twenty one years
Separated nine years ago
Divorced seven years ago
She just wanted a different life. She even told the divorce mediator I was a good man, but that she was no longer “in-love”.
To her credit, she could have asked for lifetime alimony. Instead, we settled on a larger amount (more than half of what I took home) for seven years.
My last payment was March 1
Now....
She has a loser boyfriend who can’t support her
My pay effectively doubled
My kids know who tried to save our family and who destroyed it.
I’m dating a beautiful woman who has had men treat her poorly. So she really appreciates me.
All of this to say....yes, no fault divorce is just bullshite.
I’ve come out on top, but I’d rather an intact family.
Posted on 7/13/19 at 9:41 am to 187undercover
Sometimes women divorce just for whatever. I knew of a couple that looked like they had a strong marriage. She was indepently wealthy. Both were active in the church. When their oldest kid was off to college, she decided that she no longer wanted to be married. There was no other guy in the picture, so that's off the table. I understand the husband was entirely blindsided.
Posted on 7/13/19 at 9:43 am to 187undercover
You realize that you are getting one side of the story. Could be that your bro is a supreme dick head to her and treats her like owned property.
Posted on 7/13/19 at 9:43 am to InCaliForNow
quote:That's an immature woman who at least possesses a shred of guilt about what she was doing.
She even told the divorce mediator I was a good man, but that she was no longer “in-love”.
Posted on 7/13/19 at 9:44 am to Eightballjacket
My takeaway from this is that 90% of this thread has never had a real relationship, much less marriage. I pity you. I really do.
Posted on 7/13/19 at 9:45 am to Jake88
I got the same line from my ex-wife.
Posted on 7/13/19 at 9:45 am to 187undercover
You and your brother sound pretty strange
Don’t think you have to worry about that
quote:
If he becomes a man whore
Don’t think you have to worry about that
Posted on 7/13/19 at 9:48 am to Flavius Belisarius
quote:
My takeaway from this is that 90% of this thread has never had a real relationship, much less marriage
And if some of them are married, their wife is absolutely miserable and they have no clue because they think they have women figured out.
Posted on 7/13/19 at 9:50 am to magildachunks
quote:
Men do the same shite. Let's not throw this on just women.
quote:
A recent study by the American Sociological Association found that women initiate two thirds of all divorces, a staggering 69% to be exact. An even higher rate of 90% of all divorces are initiated by college-educated women.
Posted on 7/13/19 at 9:53 am to Jake88
quote:
That's an immature woman who at least possesses a shred of guilt about what she was doing.
Yep. I still believe she is a good woman. We actually get along really well. I just don’t think she has the emotional maturity or the resilience for true emotional intimacy.
In no- fault divorce states, women file for a large majority of divorces. I think women are just prone to be discontent
Posted on 7/13/19 at 9:54 am to 187undercover
quote:
she did not work.
This is the problem right here... what woman in this day age doesn't work... I know millionaires wives who got jobs...
Posted on 7/13/19 at 9:54 am to 187undercover
Tell him to hire a PI
She is banging someone else.
She is banging someone else.
Posted on 7/13/19 at 9:55 am to LSUA 75
This thread has both very wise people and very naive/inexperienced.
This guy and kingbob's control post are some of the wise ones.
This guy and kingbob's control post are some of the wise ones.
quote:
Thing is there is no such thing as “love” as western societies have romanticizedit.It’s all biochemical and their effect on the brain.
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