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Started By
Message
Being Single and Together (Psychology Today Article)
Posted on 8/10/15 at 4:56 pm
Posted on 8/10/15 at 4:56 pm
Why So Many Partners Want to be Both Single and Together
The Huffpo Article Referenced in the main one
quote:
What Tessier does not want is what is celebrated in so many love songs—the longing among couples to be each other's everything. In Singled Out (link is external), I called that "intensive coupling" and described it this way:
quote:
"Serious partners, in our current cultural fantasy, are the twosomes who look to each other for companionship, intimacy, caring, friendship, advice, the sharing of the tasks and finances of household and family, and just about everything else. They are the repositories for each other’s hopes and dreams. They are each other’s soul mates and sole mates. They are Sex and Everything Else Partners."
quote:
There is also the practice known as "living apart together." These "dual-dwelling duos" are couples that choose to live apart from each other, not because they must for some reason (such as having jobs in different places) or because they want to feel free to cheat without getting caught, or because they are not really sure they want to be together. They simply want a place of their own, and they want their relationship, too. Many are married; some are even married with children. I devoted a chapter to them in How We Live Now: Redefining Home and Family in the 21st Century (link is external). These couples illustrate the contemporary cravings for both time alone and time together.
The Huffpo Article Referenced in the main one
8
Posted on 8/10/15 at 4:58 pm to SlowFlowPro
hey, whatever works. Not my thing, but if both parties like it that way, so be it.
Posted on 8/10/15 at 4:59 pm to SlowFlowPro
Sounds like evolved swinging to me.
Have cake and eat it too.
Lot of verbal excrement to rationalize it.
Have cake and eat it too.
Lot of verbal excrement to rationalize it.
Posted on 8/10/15 at 5:06 pm to LSU alum wannabe
quote:
Lot of verbal excrement to rationalize it.
It's very easy to rationalize. Many people like their own space. We see so many divorces and promising relationships ended because people are pressured to live together rather than take as much time as is necessary to become acclimated to shared dwellings.
I believe it was pretty common in the past for a bride and groom to remain living with their parents until both were in a position both emotionally and financially to live together.
This post was edited on 8/10/15 at 5:07 pm
Posted on 8/10/15 at 5:06 pm to SlowFlowPro
Gay marriage is ruining this county
Posted on 8/10/15 at 5:08 pm to SlowFlowPro
I just want someone who will cook, clean and have sex with me. I feel like that's very obtainable
Posted on 8/10/15 at 5:09 pm to LSU alum wannabe
quote:
Sounds like evolved swinging to me.
i always thought "swinging" involved sex outside of the relationship. this is monogamy
Posted on 8/10/15 at 5:09 pm to To the Dome
quote:
I just want someone who will cook, clean and have sex with me. I feel like that's very obtainable
it's very obtainable if you have the ability to afford a high food budget
Posted on 8/10/15 at 5:12 pm to SlowFlowPro
I'm not paying for the sex. Only the food
Posted on 8/10/15 at 5:12 pm to SlowFlowPro
quote:
i always thought "swinging" involved sex outside of the relationship. this is monogamy
The wife and I aren't to that extreme but we both cherish our own time apart. When I travel she doesn't text me all day, we may not speak for a couple of days if it wasn't to see the kids. Our relationship seems to flourish with a certain amount of time apart.
Posted on 8/10/15 at 5:13 pm to barry
i barely ever see my girlfriend and that's probably a big reason why it's lasted a month
Posted on 8/10/15 at 5:14 pm to SlowFlowPro
quote:
i always thought "swinging" involved sex outside of the relationship. this is monogamy
If I'm in a seperate house from my wife and she has our son? I'm fricking if the opportunity presented itself. Most would.
Not saying these people are wrong or evil. None of that shite. Seems wasteful and set for failure. Even more so than a traditional marriage.
If you can rationalize putting you entire being in a seperate home. You can easily transfer that to putting your peen in a seperate vag.
Posted on 8/10/15 at 5:16 pm to barry
quote:
, we may not speak for a couple of days
Holy shite, that sounds like heaven. Honest question: when you don't talk to her after a day or two, do you stop having the dream where you down her in the tub?
Posted on 8/10/15 at 5:18 pm to LucasP
quote:
Holy shite, that sounds like heaven. Honest question: when you don't talk to her after a day or two, do you stop having the dream where you down her in the tub?
yea Most people get pretty jealous when they find it out.
Posted on 8/10/15 at 5:21 pm to barry
One of my customers did this but went to the extreme of not living together. Once the kids were out of the house, they had two separate houses in the same town. Still went out on "dates", took vacations together, worked together, etc. His wife's quote to me was "We travel and date well but just cant live under the same roof."
Posted on 8/10/15 at 5:21 pm to LucasP
quote:I've heard counselors work well for some people. Just a thought.
do you stop having the dream where you down her in the tub?
Posted on 8/10/15 at 5:34 pm to SlowFlowPro
i know a surprisingly amount of people that live this way. Its really bizarre, and I can't imagine carrying that much extra cost in a combined budget.
My wife and I did that. I htought she was cool with not talking for 2-3 days. I was wrong.
quote:
The wife and I aren't to that extreme but we both cherish our own time apart. When I travel she doesn't text me all day, we may not speak for a couple of days if it wasn't to see the kids. Our relationship seems to flourish with a certain amount of time apart.
My wife and I did that. I htought she was cool with not talking for 2-3 days. I was wrong.
This post was edited on 8/10/15 at 5:37 pm
Posted on 8/10/15 at 5:37 pm to SlowFlowPro
fricking Adrianna, that bitch won't rest until this country's values have been reduced to shite.
Posted on 8/10/15 at 5:46 pm to G The Tiger Fan
quote:
do you stop having the dream where you down her in the tub?
I've heard counselors work well for some people. Just a thought.
If you're in counseling you may just be in denial about the upcoming divorce. Think about what it means to need an arbiter to settle the pettiest of disputes that evolve with daily life.
Posted on 8/10/15 at 5:58 pm to SlowFlowPro
quote:
barely ever see my girlfriend and that's probably a big reason why it's lasted a month
All the girls I'm dating now live 1.5hrs away and this has been vital in me being able to put up with their shite.
I think having space in any relationship is key for longevity, especially with two independent individuals.
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