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Started By
Message
Alzheimers: Has anyone experienced it with a parent and willing to share experiences?
Posted on 7/16/20 at 6:11 pm
Posted on 7/16/20 at 6:11 pm
My dad was diagnosed almost 2 years ago. It is progressing to the point he calls my sister and I 5-10 times a day asking things like "Why didn't I get paid for the work I did the last week". (76 and retired 16 years ag0) and "Can you find a realtor to help me buy this house? I really like it". He built it 27 years ago and paid the mortgage off 20 years ago.
I am struggling with "going along" like -"I am sure they will pay you in a couple of weeks". As opposed to "You don't work anymore dad".
Any experiences to share or advice (I know I have come to the right place)? My mom is getting pretty tired of it and seems to be losing control (not physically, just mentally).
I am struggling with "going along" like -"I am sure they will pay you in a couple of weeks". As opposed to "You don't work anymore dad".
Any experiences to share or advice (I know I have come to the right place)? My mom is getting pretty tired of it and seems to be losing control (not physically, just mentally).
This post was edited on 7/16/20 at 7:17 pm
63
Posted on 7/16/20 at 6:13 pm to ShermanTxTiger
Currently dealing with this with my in-laws. Incredibly sad. We try to talk to the reality without pushing, it’s incredibly difficult.
Posted on 7/16/20 at 6:15 pm to ShermanTxTiger
My dad and grandfather had it
It's very difficult on the caregiver.
My dad, who never was rough with us children began hitting my mother.
They tried giving him different medications that made him go anywhere from seeing aliens in bedrooms to sitting essentially comatose in a chair all day.
My mother basically had to "raise" a toddler, where the opposite occurred: he'd lose different skills like being able to dress yourself
ETA: Another interesting thing about my dad, he lost his "recent" memory early on, but for a while he could recall things from his college days well. My sister took him to that campus (small college in NC) about that time and he seemed to quite enjoy it.
If possible, perhaps take a stricken family member to a childhood area or place he or she might be somewhat familiar with.
I'd say we did this trip to the campus about 2 years into his 5 year battle with Alzheimer's.
It's very difficult on the caregiver.
My dad, who never was rough with us children began hitting my mother.
They tried giving him different medications that made him go anywhere from seeing aliens in bedrooms to sitting essentially comatose in a chair all day.
My mother basically had to "raise" a toddler, where the opposite occurred: he'd lose different skills like being able to dress yourself
ETA: Another interesting thing about my dad, he lost his "recent" memory early on, but for a while he could recall things from his college days well. My sister took him to that campus (small college in NC) about that time and he seemed to quite enjoy it.
If possible, perhaps take a stricken family member to a childhood area or place he or she might be somewhat familiar with.
I'd say we did this trip to the campus about 2 years into his 5 year battle with Alzheimer's.
This post was edited on 7/16/20 at 9:44 pm
Posted on 7/16/20 at 6:16 pm to ShermanTxTiger
(no message)
Posted on 7/16/20 at 6:18 pm to ShermanTxTiger
That’s a damn fricked up disease. Maybe you could join some type of Alzheimer’s caregiver group 
Posted on 7/16/20 at 6:19 pm to ShermanTxTiger
My father-in-law was diagnosed one year ago, but he is doing pretty well right now.
My wife has been pretty tore up about it. She knows how bad its going to get.
My wife has been pretty tore up about it. She knows how bad its going to get.
Posted on 7/16/20 at 6:19 pm to ShermanTxTiger
I’m sorry you and your family are dealing with this. Sending your family prayers.
Posted on 7/16/20 at 6:20 pm to ShermanTxTiger
Meet him where he is. Never force him to meet you where you are. There will be good days and there will be bad days. Be patient, but it’s okay to be frustrated. Educate yourself. Seek out support resources. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Posted on 7/16/20 at 6:22 pm to ShermanTxTiger
I am so sorry you are going through this
It’s very hard on the caregiver, just remember that the person doesn’t know what they are saying & isn’t intentionally trying to hurt you
Good luck & God Bless
It’s very hard on the caregiver, just remember that the person doesn’t know what they are saying & isn’t intentionally trying to hurt you
Good luck & God Bless
Posted on 7/16/20 at 6:23 pm to ShermanTxTiger
All I can say is that I wish you and your family the best of luck.
My former wife, the mother of my only son, was diagnosed with the early onset of this horrible disease in her late 50s. My son was earning his Ph.D. at Johns Hopkins at the time. He was deeply devoted to his mother and would visit his mother every weekend. He turned down post doctoral positions on the west coast and in Cambridge, Mass because he felt it too far from her. He would tell me how he would have to answer the same questions over and over when he visited or spoke with her on the phone. He told me that it was very frustrating. But as long as she had some semblance of remembering who he was, he kept visiting and calling.
She passed away at the age of 66 last November, but he knew he had lost her years before.
I'm not sure that this is helpful to you, but rest assured that I will keep your Dad and your family in my prayers. Best wishes.
My former wife, the mother of my only son, was diagnosed with the early onset of this horrible disease in her late 50s. My son was earning his Ph.D. at Johns Hopkins at the time. He was deeply devoted to his mother and would visit his mother every weekend. He turned down post doctoral positions on the west coast and in Cambridge, Mass because he felt it too far from her. He would tell me how he would have to answer the same questions over and over when he visited or spoke with her on the phone. He told me that it was very frustrating. But as long as she had some semblance of remembering who he was, he kept visiting and calling.
She passed away at the age of 66 last November, but he knew he had lost her years before.
I'm not sure that this is helpful to you, but rest assured that I will keep your Dad and your family in my prayers. Best wishes.
Posted on 7/16/20 at 6:26 pm to Spankum
quote:
difficult on the caregiver.
Kim has it for 7. Couldn’t speak for the last 3. Tough.
This post was edited on 7/16/20 at 6:29 pm
Posted on 7/16/20 at 6:27 pm to ShermanTxTiger
My grandma got it and eventually didn’t recognize me anymore. She thought my brother in law was me.
I’m a selfish dick so I stopped visiting as much, Brit luckily saw her Right before she passed.
It’s a bad disease for sure, but the people that think you need to act a certain way are idiots. Everyone will go about it differently. Try to not let it affect you personally outside of their company.
I’m a selfish dick so I stopped visiting as much, Brit luckily saw her Right before she passed.
It’s a bad disease for sure, but the people that think you need to act a certain way are idiots. Everyone will go about it differently. Try to not let it affect you personally outside of their company.
Posted on 7/16/20 at 6:28 pm to ShermanTxTiger
Find a local support group even if they don't have meetings people to call I imagine this is one of the rougher things you can go through
Posted on 7/16/20 at 6:29 pm to ShermanTxTiger
My mother passed away from complications from it a decade ago.
She regressed to the point where she was like a little girl again.
Whenever she would ask where her mom and dad were, we would just tell her that they were on their way, and that they would be there later. She would forget all about it after an hour or so and would ask another similar question.
We learned to give her the most comforting answers that we could think of, knowing it would not matter in a couple of hours anyway.
If you go the route of trying to correct their memory, you will just frustrate them and yourself. Most experts tell you not to correct them.
It's a cruel disease, just know that the caregivers may suffer more than the patient throughout most of it. It's not much, but there is some comfort in that.
She regressed to the point where she was like a little girl again.
Whenever she would ask where her mom and dad were, we would just tell her that they were on their way, and that they would be there later. She would forget all about it after an hour or so and would ask another similar question.
We learned to give her the most comforting answers that we could think of, knowing it would not matter in a couple of hours anyway.
If you go the route of trying to correct their memory, you will just frustrate them and yourself. Most experts tell you not to correct them.
It's a cruel disease, just know that the caregivers may suffer more than the patient throughout most of it. It's not much, but there is some comfort in that.
Posted on 7/16/20 at 6:30 pm to AmosMosesAndTwins
quote:
Meet him where he is. Never force him to meet you where you are. There will be good days and there will be bad days. Be patient, but it’s okay to be frustrated. Educate yourself. Seek out support resources. My heart goes out to you and your family.
Every bit of this. Blessings to you for patience and guidance.
Posted on 7/16/20 at 6:38 pm to tonydtigr
quote:
Whenever she would ask where her mom and dad were, we would just tell her that they were on their way, and that they would be there later. She would forget all about it after an hour or so and would ask another similar question.
We learned to give her the most comforting answers that we could think of, knowing it would not matter in a couple of hours anyway.
If you go the route of trying to correct their memory, you will just frustrate them and yourself. Most experts tell you not to correct them.
It's a cruel disease, just know that the caregivers may suffer more than the patient throughout most of it. It's not much, but there is some comfort in that.
All this. My father is currently at this stage sporadically and comes out of it after a while. The best analogy I have heard on how to do deal with the "correcting" reality/vs comforting is "You have to get in the boat with them and help them row"- meaning you have to give them whatever reality they are experiencing at the moment and allow them to be there.
This is a killer disease. Watching a parent slowly disappear before your eyes is a cruel fate. Won't let it stop me from being whatever comfort or help I can be in the meantime no matter how hard it is to witness and live with.
Posted on 7/16/20 at 6:38 pm to ShermanTxTiger
Going through it with my mom now. She is early on set so right now she just asks the same question a few times in the same conversation but it is at the point where I have put a LoJack on her car and am debating on loving her in with my family. Unfortunately dealing with my father in hospice so this has had to take a back seat.
Be patient with him but take precautions to protect him. If he has money get it protected for him to keep some scumbag from stealing it from him. Consider moving him in to your home if you have the means to take care of him.
This is going to require a lot of patience on both your part and your moms. Sounds like you need to sit down with her and have a convo with her. Perhaps she needs to know why to expect. Remember the isnt doing this on purpose.
As for you....you need to take care of yourself so you can be good for him. This will be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. Essentially you are about to reverse tolls with your father. It is not easy. I wish you good luck. Message me if I can help anymore.
Be patient with him but take precautions to protect him. If he has money get it protected for him to keep some scumbag from stealing it from him. Consider moving him in to your home if you have the means to take care of him.
This is going to require a lot of patience on both your part and your moms. Sounds like you need to sit down with her and have a convo with her. Perhaps she needs to know why to expect. Remember the isnt doing this on purpose.
As for you....you need to take care of yourself so you can be good for him. This will be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. Essentially you are about to reverse tolls with your father. It is not easy. I wish you good luck. Message me if I can help anymore.
Posted on 7/16/20 at 6:40 pm to ShermanTxTiger
nm
This post was edited on 8/19/20 at 7:50 pm
Posted on 7/16/20 at 6:42 pm to AmosMosesAndTwins
quote:
Meet him where he is. Never force him to meet you where you are. There will be good days and there will be bad days. Be patient, but it’s okay to be frustrated. Educate yourself. Seek out support resources. My heart goes out to you and your family.
You have experience with this disease. Unfortunately, so do I and your advice is very good.
Posted on 7/16/20 at 6:47 pm to ShermanTxTiger
I can't remember.
Bad joke, but it is a terrible disease. I have had a family member die from complications. A discussion needs to be had between you and your family members on how to best address everything that comes with this disease. As cheesy as it may sound ya gonna need a little Jesus to help you with the patience. And get some help. Don't be afraid to ask for help from people he knows or knew. Seeing an old face helps. Call these people. You are gonna need to solidify a plan because it doesn't get easier. Best of luck to you. Accept and stepup to the challenge it will make you a better man
LINK
Bad joke, but it is a terrible disease. I have had a family member die from complications. A discussion needs to be had between you and your family members on how to best address everything that comes with this disease. As cheesy as it may sound ya gonna need a little Jesus to help you with the patience. And get some help. Don't be afraid to ask for help from people he knows or knew. Seeing an old face helps. Call these people. You are gonna need to solidify a plan because it doesn't get easier. Best of luck to you. Accept and stepup to the challenge it will make you a better man
LINK
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