re: About 5 months in, still unsure about relationship

Roy Rogers said marriage is give and take...about 95 % give, 5 % take. Those are tough percentages if you're used to doing your own thing. If you ain't ready for a family and commitment, bolt. I did...

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I know that every man has that "want" to be a single and frick around, but am I being stupid here? Should I just continue to stick it out with the relationship and stop thinking so much about everything like I always tend to do?

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In my humble opinion, I think you're overthinking it. Passion is fun but it is easily the quickest thing to fade in a relationship - particularly if it isn't generated by both parties. Finding a stable, smart, genuine, attractive partner who loves you for who you are may not sound like the best thing when you could be out there slinging leg with a bunch of hoes, but that shite eventually gets tiresome and you'll be right back to wanting exactly what you have now.

Again, just my opinion. I've had very similar thoughts to those that you expressed in the OP.

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It’s hard to find a woman who cares more about you than herself. That is a rare quality. Rare enough that you can put up with some shite like her stupid friend.

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I agree wholeheartedly.

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If it were me, I’d go all-in and try and reciprocate that type of care before you end it. Sometimes we can put up emotional walls (even subconsciously) for any number of reasons and when we do that it prevents us from returning the same type of love we’re getting.

If you try that and you’re still not feeling it, at least you know you put in a quality effort with a quality person.

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yeah, this is the plan. Mr. Hangover, KingBob, and others have raised very good, reasonable points to the contrary, but I really think that my hold-ups have more to do with me than her. I shouldn't kill a good thing because of my fears, anxieties, and selfishness. Besides, it got so old going out on dates with strangers when I was single. Highs might have been high, but the lows are a drag.

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If that doesn’t work split a ten strip and listen to 3/29/90 and see what happens. If she doesn’t like Brent then you should leave her alone and spun.

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Bro, I don't even ask for a girl's number if she can't tell me Jerry's favorite pc game(Oregon Trail.)


hope all is well with you sir. thanks for the thoughts, certainly not the first time you've given me good advice.

The glory of love : we love the ones we can't have and shite all over the ones we can have.

Granted, we get more of a thrill going after the things we want and don't/can't have than the thrill of having something.

Problem with that is that you can wind up alone with nothing.

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She's VERY sweet, and caring, and does all of the little things that makes a guy happy. She's thoughtful and is truly interested in my happiness. Probably as selfless as a woman can be. Makes me food, packs me food for work, buys me beer that I like. She is trust-worthy, and seems to be loyal. I LOVE her dog. and the dog loves me.

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I have broken up with a girl for being too nice. I lived the party life wide open for a long, long time and even with her oblivious to half the shite I was up to I would have eventually pulled her down roads she didn't know existed. She wouldn't have stayed sweet and trusting on my ride through the '90s and '00s. I married another one who isn't as sweet but we get each other. We eventually even became adults together. That's not exactly your situation other than that for long-term you have to fit.

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She isn't overweight or anything, nice rack and all, but I wish she would be into going on runs with me, and was more interested in being physically fit

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With that attitude she'll be overweight soon enough, better ditch the bitch now before you get suckered into giving her a ring.

I was in a relationship like this for almost a year... Eventually destroyed the poor girl's heart and should've done it sooner. I'm glad I at least tried. That's step 1. You've gotta try and see what happens. Relationships aren't easy. They don't just happen naturally with ease. They require work. They require intentionally using energy and emotion that you aren't accustomed to as a single guy. Do your best to make sure she feels heard and you may learn in the process who you really have in front of you is someone you can have a slow burning love with built around shared values moreso than fiery passion.

I'd also take a deep look at yourself. Are you happy with who you are? Do you spend a lot of emotional energy on yourself? That sometimes can prevent you from fully accepting another person's love. Gotta love yourself first! I struggle with this and now at a similar age in a 1 year relationship asking similar questions. I've made the choice to buy in and fully appreciate all of the wonderful qualities of her, but man, it's tough some days when the passion isn't what you want it to be or what it's been before. Maybe that's not a bad thing. Whatever you do, just accept the decision and move on. You don't have to be fully in on marrying the girl, but if you're fully in on however you define the next step, stick with it for a bit and give it a chance. Staying wishy washy for months on end is not the answer.

I got married when I was 25 to a gal that sounds almost exactly like who you’re describing. She was pretty, took care of me, cared about me and was fantastically smart, etc. I can’t say I had a real passion for her, but my rationale was that I was going to marry her anyway because she had all these great qualities. I had definitely dated more fit girls, etc., but what I had was good enough for me.

Long story short, my wife and I just completed 21 years of marriage and I have a deep love for her now. We’ve had three children together and she has taken excellent care of me over the years. It scares me to think that I almost missed out on this blessing because I didn’t have this silly “passion” everyone speaks about. I have that passion for her now, and she has a passion for me.

Facts are, if you want to have passion for anyone, love them, serve them, bond with them, and the passion will come. Love is an action word, but people think it’s a feeling. It’s not. It requires action on your part.

I could not be happier in my life if tried. I’d agree with the other posters that say you’re beneath her at this time and that she can do better. Get your crap together. Good luck.

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Without reading 14 pages of dribble.

Any pics of the dog ?

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They found her living out of a dumpster as a puppy. But now, as you can see in the last pic, she is a learned, refined pup.