re: A fairly awkward moment at the donut shop

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how you doing

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Long Dong.

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I got your five inches of disappointment right here.

Rando this is the top trending thread at the moment.

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I say, in a very fricked up Asian accent while patting my belly "oh your brother sumo wrestler too?"

Daughter is clearly offended.

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Rando, this is a classic case of mis-interpreting the situation. She was clearly disgusted with you, not even remotely offended.

Im just gonna assume you look like a younger John Goodman

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Because people love to see a fat jolly white guy breaking racial boundaries. One donut at a time.

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Keep on Keepin On bro!

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Because people love to see a fat jolly white guy breaking racial boundaries. One donut at a time.

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Sig material

seriously, why do so many fat dudes go all hairy beard and shite? To smell/look worse?

and some of them don't even groom that shite.

see, the Grizzly Adams manly-man look is more accurate on thinner guys because twinkies don't grow in the mountain forests.

If the daughter acts offended or disgusted the next time you go there, drop your pants and shite in the floor.

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seriously, why do so many fat dudes go all hairy beard and shite? To smell/look worse?

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I have a few rebuttals.

1) Most do it because they are too lazy to shave.
2) I do it because I had a baby face until my mid 20s.
3) I keep it a 1/4 inch long and shave exactly an inch below the jaw line every other day with Taylor of Old Bond Rose.
4) Smell worse? This will be a multi part rebuttal.
A. I take an hour bath every morning to loosen my back muscles up.
B. I take a 30-60 minute shower every night.
C. In the mornings, I drop a half gram of Bay Rum solid into the jet tub.
a. It smells bad arse.
b. It helps loosen my back.
D. I spritz my nuts with a sage anti perspirant after the bath.
E. I use a flax/coconut blend on my beard and face.
F. Old spice wolfthorn smells like fruit stripe gum.
5) I'm a man. Men are hairy. I'm not shaving my chest so you can feel less threatened when I walk in the room.
6) I have roared at, and scared, a fricking bear.
A. That has no effect on my smell.
B. It just proves I'm better than you.
7) My closet has a cedar tobacco box in it.
8) At the end of the day, even my taint is kissable.
9) A beard, strong jaw, green eyes, and a look that says I can frick, kill, or eat pretty much whatever I want, more than makes up for my excess adipose tissue.
10) Sorry you smell like clove cigarettes and shame.