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Message
re: 3yo melt downs over everything… Dads of the OT
Posted on 4/9/25 at 9:38 pm to SuperSaint
Posted on 4/9/25 at 9:38 pm to SuperSaint
This is actually very important. Mama is stressing too. Keep the sex flowing and the stress level lowers.
0
Posted on 4/9/25 at 9:43 pm to scott8811
quote:the OT is your oyster
Behavioral therapist here
Posted on 4/9/25 at 9:43 pm to BayouBengal23
About to have my first grandchild this June and it really has helped put things in perspective.
Dude, you have my sympathies. Seeing parents dealing with toddlers and babies is fricking frightening to watch after your kids have grown. Like, how in the absolute frick did I make it through those times?…these folks are seriously stressed!
On the other hand, having crawled through muck and making it, with a grandson on the way, I find myself kind of jealous. Youre never going to get these days back. Don’t allow anger or frustration to guide you…step back, take a deep breath, and consider the best way to handle this conundrum within the scope of creating the man you want to raise. The answers become easy.
Dude, you have my sympathies. Seeing parents dealing with toddlers and babies is fricking frightening to watch after your kids have grown. Like, how in the absolute frick did I make it through those times?…these folks are seriously stressed!
On the other hand, having crawled through muck and making it, with a grandson on the way, I find myself kind of jealous. Youre never going to get these days back. Don’t allow anger or frustration to guide you…step back, take a deep breath, and consider the best way to handle this conundrum within the scope of creating the man you want to raise. The answers become easy.
Posted on 4/9/25 at 9:47 pm to BayouBengal23
quote:
having a hard time letting him have these melt downs because it’s teaching that it’s acceptable behavior but wife (no pics), is saying to excuse it and Tata him because it’s because of the new baby and he’s having a hard time adjusting.
Every fight my wife and I have ever had revolved around this.
I believe 100% consistency is the way. Just like training a dog. 100% consistent and 100% mean whatever it is i said. She believes in the circumstance. Sometimes it's ok. Sometimes it isn't.
Seems to be working out, but damn it's frustrating sometimes.
Don't worry, it'll get better in about 10 years.
Posted on 4/9/25 at 10:00 pm to Ryan3232
Better yet a "hot toddie".
Posted on 4/9/25 at 10:06 pm to O
quote:This is a great idea, but I find when my toddler is trying to get attention, even sitting down to work on an activity one on one helps. My kid was all over the place trying to get attention today with rule breaking and over the top silliness etc. and I could tell it was a cry for attention. I sat us down with 2 notebooks and some colored pencils while child 2 watched tv and within 2 minutes she was back to normal talking like none of the last 30 minutes had happened. Sometimes it’s just zoning in and giving them undivided attention—a special play date isn’t even necessary.
He's having trouble adjusting to not being the center of attention. Make some time to take him to the park just the two of you. It'll give your wife a break and play with him until he's worn out. Then take him to get ice cream or an icee before bringing him home.
Posted on 4/10/25 at 2:43 am to Sofaking2
quote:
I spanked my oldest son the most. I was very hard on him. My youngest son I almost never had to do anything. I think I realized as I aged being more consistent was better than anything. I was raising my oldest the way I was raised and the better I got at parenting the less I had to use punishment or spanking.
You're not alone man. I was too hard on my oldest and it shows. Big time lack of confidence in the oldest compared to his little brother.
Wish I could go back in time and tell myself to chill out.
Posted on 4/10/25 at 6:33 am to Sofaking2
Yeah. White guys for Harris downvoted me I guess
Posted on 4/10/25 at 6:40 am to BayouBengal23
He is pitching these hissy fits in an effort to get attention and also get his way. You and his mother must make it clear to him that hissy fits will result in neither and in fact will result in negative consequences. He’ll get the message eventually.
Posted on 4/10/25 at 6:59 am to Sofaking2
quote:
I spanked my oldest son the most. I was very hard on him. My youngest son I almost never had to do anything. I think I realized as I aged being more consistent was better than anything. I was raising my oldest the way I was raised and the better I got at parenting the less I had to use punishment or spanking.
As a younger brother myself, I think it could also be that your younger son saw the older son messing up, and the consequences that followed, and thus chose to behave himself so as to not have those same consequences himself.
Posted on 4/10/25 at 7:24 am to BayouBengal23
You and your wife need to do daddy/son, mommy/son dates. Alone.
Posted on 4/10/25 at 7:51 am to BayouBengal23
quote:
We spank for disobedience and not listening
A tantrum is disobedience, but this sentence indicates that you and your wife are farther apart than you think. I know kids are different, but with both my boy and my girl, I remember giving 3-4 "pow pows" in their entire childhood. Knowing ex-wife, me, and ex MIL would all apply the same standards and discipline created a very, very comparatively easy discipline experience for years. (Meanwhile, FIL is letting them ride around with no seatbelt in the front seat inside the neighborhood)
Chalking this up to terrible threes, the new baby, etc., is dangerous. The lessons the 3 yo is learning now on how to get sugar from momma and avoid discipline from dad are going to play themselves out for the rest of the childhood and adolescence, in one way or another.
This post was edited on 4/10/25 at 8:13 am
Posted on 4/10/25 at 7:58 am to BayouBengal23
quote:
I’m having a hard time letting him have these melt downs because it’s teaching that it’s acceptable behavior but wife (no pics), is saying to excuse it and Tata him because it’s because of the new baby and he’s having a hard time adjusting.
excuse the behavior?? frick that.......good way to end up with a shite head in a couple years. Better get control of that soon
Posted on 4/10/25 at 8:02 am to BayouBengal23
Everyone says it's the terrible 2's, but the whiney 3's are not fun at all.
Posted on 4/10/25 at 8:07 am to lsu777
I think it’s a hard angle from both views. Yes once you’re out of it it’s easy to say “enjoy these days because it’s so fast and once it’s over it’s never coming back” kinda thing. But I think older parents don’t really remember how tedious it was. They remember it WAS but you can’t really put yourself in those shoes again. Obviously the general consensus is to enjoy the meltdowns bc one day they won’t meltdown anymore and will be wanting to get away from you and do other things, but you’re in the baby bubble. I have a 2 year old myself right now and time is crawling by, he’s a nightmare every morning. Just remember a year isn’t that long and life will be completely different in a year
Posted on 4/10/25 at 8:10 am to olddawg26
quote:
I think it’s a hard angle from both views. Yes once you’re out of it it’s easy to say “enjoy these days because it’s so fast and once it’s over it’s never coming back” kinda thing. But I think older parents don’t really remember how tedious it was. They remember it WAS but you can’t really put yourself in those shoes again. Obviously the general consensus is to enjoy the meltdowns bc one day they won’t meltdown anymore and will be wanting to get away from you and do other things, but you’re in the baby bubble. I have a 2 year old myself right now and time is crawling by, he’s a nightmare every morning. Just remember a year isn’t that long and life will be completely different in a year
my youngest is 9...i still remember it very well. my oldest was a dream and my last two where like WTF JUST HAPPENED
but you do have to stop the outburst or they will continue.
Posted on 4/10/25 at 8:18 am to BayouBengal23
I saw a cool theory the other day that 3 is when boys start separating from their mother. As in your case, its usually when the mother diverts her attention to the next child. Id guess these things will improve with time and consistency. I would say there is a meltdown line that can be crossed that warrants a whoopin
Posted on 4/10/25 at 8:26 am to BayouBengal23
That's typical of three year olds. You heard of the terrible twos? Well at three they are just assholes.
Posted on 4/10/25 at 8:26 am to BayouBengal23
Whip his arse
Posted on 4/10/25 at 8:28 am to iron banks
quote:
The only advice I have is time will rectify his attitude. I would put him in his room when he does this and let him throw his tantrum.
Yep. Don’t get mad. Don’t raise your voice. Just take him to his room and tell him to rejoin the family when he gets through it.
Also the idea about some you and him time is great too.
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