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Message
1
Posted on 9/9/10 at 4:19 pm to Babalugats
You think this is bad, you should see the last thread Iwy did like this. You will probably find it hilarious and pity me at the same time.
Posted on 9/9/10 at 4:23 pm to Jamohn
quote:
Jamohn
that post was full of all sorts of win
Posted on 9/9/10 at 5:07 pm to iwyLSUiwy
Pirate, no question. With my pirate skills, I feel like I could fight off the gator, so long as it was not the gator in Primeval.
I'll go againast the grain and take the ugly wife with great sex. I'm not trying to impress you, and I'd rather have the great sex. In fact, when in doubt, always choose great sex. You can always pretend she's pretty, but you can't pretend bad sex away. There are plenty of hot chicks I'm not having sex with I can look at.
And I wasn't aware there were other movies aside from the Godfather, Part 1 and 2. It will suck losing half of the film canon, but I would live.
I'll go againast the grain and take the ugly wife with great sex. I'm not trying to impress you, and I'd rather have the great sex. In fact, when in doubt, always choose great sex. You can always pretend she's pretty, but you can't pretend bad sex away. There are plenty of hot chicks I'm not having sex with I can look at.
And I wasn't aware there were other movies aside from the Godfather, Part 1 and 2. It will suck losing half of the film canon, but I would live.
Posted on 9/9/10 at 5:23 pm to Jamohn
quote:
Besides, this could be one of those Monkey's Paw type trick questions where you think you're gonna be a cool pirate/pornstar like Long John Silver hijacking booty and feasting on mutton and ale with a cool parrot, but really you end up being one of those lame Somali pirates trying to take over cruiseships just before Navy SEALs blow your brains out from a mile away while you choke down some crappy mango gazpacho.
Let's be clear. I'm definiely a super bad arse pirate. Im talking the mystic of Long John Silver but all the great taste of Captain D's. Thats a completely diffrerent debate... Long John Silver Fast Food < Captain D's.
quote:
Definitely a panda. You know how impossible it is to try to kill an alligator w/ a samurai sword? It's not happening. As long as I'm not a lame samurai w/ a bamboo staff, the panda won't stand a chance. And then, I could rid the world of another worthless panda. Seriously, pandas suck arse. Those frickers would go extinct if we didn't have to literally force them to mate.
The more i think about it, the more i want to try and kill an alligator with a pirate sword. Almost in bullfighter style. I just imagine the gator coming at me and me swinging on a rope stabbing him the back. And just refilling my sword supplies and emptying them in his back until he bleeds out. That and a gator is kind of the classic enemy for a pirate.
quote:
Whether I'm a pirate or a samurai I'm gonna be kind-of isolated. One of the main advantages of the hot wife is getting to show her off. That doesn't really happen w/ either lifestyle. One of the main drawbacks of the ugly wife is that others see you with her. So the main advantage to the hot wife is gone along w/ the main disadvantage of the ugly one. After a hard day's work as a panda-slaying samurai I want to have some mindblowingly great sex. I DGAF if she's a 4 as long as she can suck a golf ball through a garden hose.
And this is where im torn. And it could be becuase i just had a spinal tap in the past week and im missing massive amounts of brain/spinal fluids that im taking the ugly wife. because there is noting that can hurt a mans ego like his buddy telling him his wife is a dog face. but i figure if im a pirate, and my buddy tells me that, i just cut his nuts off and make him walk the plank. so it wont matter what other people think, and i'll just enjoy my fantastic sex.
quote:
Definitely Godfather pt. 1. I'll use it as inspiration to turn my ugly wife into a movie star: Director doesn't put her in a movie, he finds the head of his prize panda in his bed the next morning. Then, once she's a movie starlet, some people will delude themselves into thinking my ugly wife is actually attractive. Hell, she might even make a Maxim list.
I feel like if i choose Tyler Perry i will in turn have to be a Butt Pirate.
Posted on 9/9/10 at 5:24 pm to Baloo
quote:
so long as it was not the gator in Primeval.
eww that makes things interesting
Posted on 9/9/10 at 6:10 pm to iwyLSUiwy
quote:
Be a Pirate or a Samurai?
Samurai. Being a Pirate, while it looks awesome as a kid, would suck in real life.
quote:
Face-off a hungry alligator or panda?
Panda, because if a Panda is hungry he's going to just want to find some bamboo.
quote:
Have a hot wife with extremely boring sex or an ugly wife with unbelievable sex?
Hot wife boring sex.
quote:
Only be able to watch The Godfather pt. 1 or every Tyler Perry movie ever releasd?
Godfather easily.
Posted on 9/10/10 at 5:19 am to iwyLSUiwy
quote:Hmmm... Well, the superbadass pirate guarantee does make the decision a little harder. I will, however, still go w/ the Samurai. I like the idea of getting the chance to shower, consume nutritious and delicious food (like Captain D's, which is ironic because of the two types of people, it is only the samurai who is likely to have access to delicious cheap fish-like-substance establishments such as those two pirate themed restaurants. Life is funny that way sometimes--but I digress), hang out on land, pork my ugly-yet-sexually-masterful wife, do awesome karate moves, and rock the badass wooden sandals:
Let's be clear. I'm definiely a super bad arse pirate. Im talking the mystic of Long John Silver but all the great taste of Captain D's. Thats a completely diffrerent debate... Long John Silver Fast Food < Captain D's.
Seriously, who's gonna frick w/ me when I'm hangin out slayin pandas w/ Samurai Jack and rockin those badboys?! Nobody, that's who! Certainly not some filthy, toothless, eyeliner wearing Johnny Depp-type pirate!
quote:I see you're opting to go for the glory here. I'm sure there is some wise samurai proverb denouncing those who seek adventurous conquests driven by hubris while forsaking the safer, more sensible option, (as I meditate and burn incense). You see, while the alligator is clearly the more delicious of the two--despite what Xander Crews might say--it is also by far the more dangerous game. I just wanna slay some bitch-arse Pandas and try to avoid getting too much blood on my awesome sandals so I can pick up some Captain D's and take it home to my ugly wife so we can shag on full stomachs. No need to risk my life fighting the crazy alligator beast w/ impenetrable skin when I can mow down cute furry useless Pandas.
The more i think about it, the more i want to try and kill an alligator with a pirate sword. Almost in bullfighter style. I just imagine the gator coming at me and me swinging on a rope stabbing him the back. And just refilling my sword supplies and emptying them in his back until he bleeds out. That and a gator is kind of the classic enemy for a pirate.
quote:You are absolutely right here. Well said. In the samurai's case, instead of walking the plank, I'll make those bitches who talk shite about my wife go on some made up spiritual quest in the swamps where they'll be devoured by Baloo's primeval alligators.
And this is where im torn. And it could be becuase i just had a spinal tap in the past week and im missing massive amounts of brain/spinal fluids that im taking the ugly wife. because there is noting that can hurt a mans ego like his buddy telling him his wife is a dog face. but i figure if im a pirate, and my buddy tells me that, i just cut his nuts off and make him walk the plank. so it wont matter what other people think, and i'll just enjoy my fantastic sex.
You see, I am truly a wise samurai who is attaining spiritual creaminess.
quote:100% FACT
I feel like if i choose Tyler Perry i will in turn have to be a Butt Pirate.
This post was edited on 9/10/10 at 5:20 am
Posted on 9/10/10 at 9:20 am to Jamohn
It's gott abe the shoes. You sold me on the wooden sandals. I'm flipping to samurai. Do not underrate comfortable footwear.
Posted on 9/10/10 at 9:55 am to iwyLSUiwy
Would you rather:
Be a Pirate or a Samurai?
Samurai, I am afraid of water.
Face-off a hungry alligator or panda?
Panda, because if I am going to get torn to pieces, I would prefer it to be done by something adorable.
Have a hot wife with extremely boring sex or an ugly wife with unbelievable sex?
Hot wife, I will cheat.
Only be able to watch The Godfather pt. 1 or every Tyler Perry movie ever releasd?
Godfather. That was a stupid question.
Be a Pirate or a Samurai?
Samurai, I am afraid of water.
Face-off a hungry alligator or panda?
Panda, because if I am going to get torn to pieces, I would prefer it to be done by something adorable.
Have a hot wife with extremely boring sex or an ugly wife with unbelievable sex?
Hot wife, I will cheat.
Only be able to watch The Godfather pt. 1 or every Tyler Perry movie ever releasd?
Godfather. That was a stupid question.
Posted on 9/10/10 at 10:12 am to Jamohn
quote:
Seriously, who's gonna frick w/ me when I'm hangin out slayin pandas w/ Samurai Jack and rockin those badboys?! Nobody, that's who! Certainly not some filthy, toothless, eyeliner wearing Johnny Depp-type pirate!
I agree with you about Depp, but I give you:
quote:'
I just wanna slay some bitch-arse Pandas and try to avoid getting too much blood on my awesome sandals so I can pick up some Captain D's and take it home to my ugly wife so we can shag on full stomachs. No need to risk my life fighting the crazy alligator beast w/ impenetrable skin when I can mow down cute furry useless Pandas.
So samurai logic is to do the easiest thing rather than go for glory? Sad life dude. I'll take pillaging, plundering and high seas hijinks over some boring, contemplative life of watching grass grow and killing ants and pandas because they are easy prey.
Give me cannons, gun powder, mutinies, stealing, rum and the whole sea as my playground. Have your field of daises, wooden clogs, sake, and longs walks up a gravel path to "enlightenment." I'll find enlightenment after I find treasure and retire to my private island with my hot arse wife.
Oh and yeah, and give me the Caribbean (I'll whip that place into order) over Japan any day. White beaches and nice weather.
And yes, I know my avatar is samurai. But Kikiyuchio was basically a samurai-pirate hybrid, and I'm ok with that.
This post was edited on 9/10/10 at 10:19 am
Posted on 9/10/10 at 12:48 pm to Freauxzen
quote:
I just wanna slay some bitch-arse Pandas and try to avoid getting too much blood on my awesome sandals so I can pick up some Captain D's and take it home to my ugly wife so we can shag on full stomachs.
god the sandals are tempting. stay focused *slaps self in face* stay focused. there is one drawback to being a samurai, i didnt want to bring out the big guns, but you posted a picture of the sandals and it almost single handedly made me change.
samurai were very similiar to spartans and how they felt about the men they fought with. they felt that you needed to love the man on the battlefield more than anybody else, even more than your woman. so in turn, they made sweet and passionate love to one another so they would become closer to each other. yeah.
and i think your overlooking the bonus of finding TREASURE. and awesome sex is good. but awesome sex on top of buried treasure has got to be the best imaginable. and pirates are really the original gangsters. lil wayne and pacman jones think they make it rain. ok. long john says tell me how my dick taste.
Posted on 9/10/10 at 1:18 pm to iwyLSUiwy
quote:
Be a Pirate or a Samurai?
-All Samurai are bad arse. There are shitty pirates who sail around on those POS ships, sleeping with 30 dudes in a crowded room filled bunk beds every night, and the captain keeps all the treasure. People are focused on the good aspects of being a pirate, yet you have to fricking slave on a boat all day for the peg leg bitch, whos sitting in his damn office and making it rain on skanks with gold coins.
Once I'm a Samurai I will just do what I want anyway, nobody would dare frick with me and my enormous sword (see what i did there)
quote:
Face-off a hungry alligator or panda?
-Im a fricking Samurai, why would I be worried about either of these. I would choose the Panda, and eventually force into submission. Once he respects my authority, I will then make him my pet.
"Hows about we go back to my place"
--"Oh I dont know Im not that type of girl"
"Well I just wanted to see if you wanted to come check out my awesome pet panda, hes a sweetheart"
*panties drop*
quote:
Have a hot wife with extremely boring sex or an ugly wife with unbelievable sex
-Ugly wife great sex. Again Im a Samurai so I am sneaky as hell, I will just cheat on the ugly wife who is servicing me whenever I please. I have 0 chance of being caught as I am so elusive.
quote:
Only be able to watch The Godfather pt. 1 or every Tyler Perry movie ever releasd?
Im not taking this question seriously..
This post was edited on 9/10/10 at 1:28 pm
Posted on 9/14/10 at 12:49 am to iwyLSUiwy
quote:You sonofabitch! I turn my back for a few days and I come back to find that you've gone there!? (NTTAWWT) That's not fair! You can't pose a samurai/pirate question and then go to the gayness well when you know you can no longer resist the temptation of awesome wooden sandals! I call shenanigans! SHENANIGANS!!!!!
samurai were very similiar to spartans and how they felt about the men they fought with. they felt that you needed to love the man on the battlefield more than anybody else, even more than your woman. so in turn, they made sweet and passionate love to one another so they would become closer to each other. yeah.
Expect to wake up w/ a panda head in your bed within the week, sir. And inside that panda head will be a fortune cookie telling you that Pirate Neptune, god of the pirate sea, is displeased with your actions in this thread and will have your ship wrecked and you washed ashore to Samurai Fire Island, where you will be raped by homo-samurais for the remainder of your natural life. They will take your "Pirate Booty."
Posted on 9/14/10 at 12:54 am to Shiftyplus1
Samurai
Panda
Hot bitch
Godfather
Posted on 9/14/10 at 12:59 am to Jamohn
quote:
I DGAF if she's a 4 as long as she can suck a golf ball through a garden hose.
And,
Samurai
Panda
Hot Wife
TG
Posted on 9/14/10 at 1:26 am to iwyLSUiwy
quote:
Be a Pirate or a Samurai?
Samurai: I prefer the structure and integrity that comes along with this allegiance of warriors over the drunken hijinks of pirates who employ and associate with fellows prone to backstabbing and double-crosses. In addition to having a gang of badass motherfrickers who have my back, I could also take political advantage by amassing manpower, resources and political backing (in the form of alliances with other Samurai), to establish a Samurai-dominated government.
Better chance of success to rule as part of a group rather than going at it alone up against a hoard of other lone-rangers of the high seas. Besides, just because pirates are associated with freedom from authority/complete autonomy (i.e. - they can frick, drink and steal their way through life with no consequences), not only is that not necessarily the case, but it doesn't make Samurai the antithesis of that.
quote:
Face-off a hungry alligator or panda?
As a Samurai? Put me up against the panda. Not only will I be better prepared for battle due to my armor, but pandas are slower and often less aggressive than alligators (given the circumstances of course). I would have more faith in slicing up a bear with my razor-edged sword than hitting a gator in its one kill spot with a single-shot muzzleloader pistol like a pirate would carry.
quote:
Have a hot wife with extremely boring sex or an ugly wife with unbelievable sex?
Give me the hot wife with extremely boring sex. The ratio of sexual intercourse to just having to sit next to, talk to or be in the company of one's wife is very lopsided. I can put up with boring sex with a hot woman if I know that 95 percent of the other time spent with my wife is in the company of her fine arse self and (obviously) her hot country-club milf friends.
quote:
Only be able to watch The Godfather pt. 1 or every Tyler Perry movie ever releasd?
too easy:
Posted on 9/14/10 at 8:20 am to iwyLSUiwy
HOLY shite I MISSED OUT ON THE FUN!!! I go to Nashville for the weekend and this happens. shite!!! Ok. Don't panic. Don't panic. Still time to catch up. Here goes:
Pirate. Give me a boat in the Caribbean any day over a little shite-shack in the Japanese mountains. Also being a samurai puts you at risk of having to hang out with Tom Cruise and that's never cool.
While facing off with a gator didn't turn out too well for my brother of the sea, Captain Hook, I will have to choose to fight....the.....WAIT!!!
Let me re-read the question:
DOES THIS MEAN I GET TO TAKE HIS FACE-OFF LIKE IN FACE-OFF?!?!?! Holy hell. Then I will be a panda-faced pirate. BOOM!!!
Ugly wife, awesome sex. Now that I am an adorable panda-faced pirate I will have no trouble scoring supermodel poon as I sail from port to port and spread my seed. I will bank on having a woman with a mouth like a Hoover at home as good backup. Nothing like getting the skin sucked off your dick after parading around the Carribean, pillaging cities and ports and getting into general hijinks all the while my fluffy panda fur is blowing in the cool ocean breeze.
My first order of business as a panda faced pirate would be to kill Tyler Perry.
quote:
Be a Pirate or a Samurai?
Pirate. Give me a boat in the Caribbean any day over a little shite-shack in the Japanese mountains. Also being a samurai puts you at risk of having to hang out with Tom Cruise and that's never cool.
quote:
Face-off a hungry alligator or panda?
While facing off with a gator didn't turn out too well for my brother of the sea, Captain Hook, I will have to choose to fight....the.....WAIT!!!
Let me re-read the question:
quote:
Face-off a hungry alligator or panda?
DOES THIS MEAN I GET TO TAKE HIS FACE-OFF LIKE IN FACE-OFF?!?!?! Holy hell. Then I will be a panda-faced pirate. BOOM!!!
quote:
Have a hot wife with extremely boring sex or an ugly wife with unbelievable sex?
Ugly wife, awesome sex. Now that I am an adorable panda-faced pirate I will have no trouble scoring supermodel poon as I sail from port to port and spread my seed. I will bank on having a woman with a mouth like a Hoover at home as good backup. Nothing like getting the skin sucked off your dick after parading around the Carribean, pillaging cities and ports and getting into general hijinks all the while my fluffy panda fur is blowing in the cool ocean breeze.
quote:
Only be able to watch The Godfather pt. 1 or every Tyler Perry movie ever releasd?
My first order of business as a panda faced pirate would be to kill Tyler Perry.
Posted on 9/14/10 at 11:50 am to WelcomeToDeathValley
quote:
People are focused on the good aspects of being a pirate, yet you have to fricking slave on a boat all day for the peg leg bitch, whos sitting in his damn office and making it rain on skanks with gold coins.
If i'm a pirate. I'm defnitely the one making it rain in my office. And sea whores can definitely make dat azz clap.
Posted on 9/14/10 at 11:54 am to Jamohn
quote:
You sonofabitch! I turn my back for a few days and I come back to find that you've gone there!? (NTTAWWT) That's not fair! You can't pose a samurai/pirate question and then go to the gayness well when you know you can no longer resist the temptation of awesome wooden sandals! I call shenanigans! SHENANIGANS!!!!!
Expect to wake up w/ a panda head in your bed within the week, sir. And inside that panda head will be a fortune cookie telling you that Pirate Neptune, god of the pirate sea, is displeased with your actions in this thread and will have your ship wrecked and you washed ashore to Samurai Fire Island, where you will be raped by homo-samurais for the remainder of your natural life. They will take your "Pirate Booty."
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