Posted by
Message
shutterspeed
LSU Fan
MS Gulf Coast
Member since May 2007
56662 posts

In this thread, let us de-construct the Hallmark movie

What are the must-haves in any Hallmark movie?

1. Female protagonist with a "creative" job, usually in a big, cool city. (It's ok if the job doesn't actually exist anymore, like live terrestrial radio disc jockey.)

2. Faced with the agonizing dilemma of choosing between two incredibly handsome suitors and their attempts to woo her

3. One suitor must be conventionally attractive, rich, talented, etc. but otherwise "boring" or mean

4. The competing suitor must not be obviously wealthy or traditionally attractive (i.e. long hair, non-traditional job); however, he MUST secretly possess or be an heir to vast acreage of land, a castle, royalty, family trust fund, or other wealth. (The protagonist can not KNOW this, however, so that her worthiness can be established.)

5. Sassy/Gay best friend or family member

6. Overbearing mother

7. Piles of snow and sparkly background lights in every shot, of course


genuineLSUtiger
LSU Fan
Nashville
Member since Sep 2005
68589 posts

re: In this thread, let us de-construct the Hallmark movie
That’s the template. I can’t imagine sitting through one of those.


Replies (0)
Replies (0)
92
Ponchy Tiger
LSU Fan
Ponchatoula
Member since Aug 2004
42121 posts

re: In this thread, let us de-construct the Hallmark movie
They all follow the same basic storyline. Women are usually hot.


Havoc
LSU Fan
Member since Nov 2015
20452 posts
 Online 

re: In this thread, let us de-construct the Hallmark movie
There it is


Replies (0)
Replies (0)
00
jbgleason
LSU Fan
BTR, suck it all you haters
Member since Mar 2012
17617 posts
 Online 

re: In this thread, let us de-construct the Hallmark movie
You forgot some type of baking contest or charity event.


JoeHackett
Iowa State Fan
Member since Aug 2016
2758 posts

re: In this thread, let us de-construct the Hallmark movie
There's usually some sort of "meet cute" as well.

The posters are also cut right out of a template too. I don't know if I saw this here or somewhere else but it cracked me up.



mizzoubuckeyeiowa
Member since Nov 2015
32330 posts

re: In this thread, let us de-construct the Hallmark movie


I was gonna say, you have to include Christmas...even if the movie airs in July.


Replies (0)
Replies (0)
50
Epaminondas
LSU Fan
The Boot
Member since Jul 2020
2713 posts

re: In this thread, let us de-construct the Hallmark movie
quote:

Women are usually hot.
That's smart. Gotta give the husband/ boyfriend that has to watch that shite something to look at.


bcoop199
Missouri Fan
Kansas City, MISSOURI
Member since Nov 2013
5216 posts

re: In this thread, let us de-construct the Hallmark movie
I can respect that they know what they're trying to do/say and don't go overboard. Was watching a little of one late the other night and for some reason thought of this movie. Imagine if this movie poster was made today.



Replies (0)
Replies (0)
30
shutterspeed
LSU Fan
MS Gulf Coast
Member since May 2007
56662 posts

re: In this thread, let us de-construct the Hallmark movie
quote:

You forgot some type of baking contest or charity event.


Good one. There's usually a community event of some sort so that the protagonist can become a part of her new community.


Replies (0)
Replies (0)
90
TD SponsorTD Fan
USA
Member since 2001
Thank you for supporting our sponsors
Advertisement
shutterspeed
LSU Fan
MS Gulf Coast
Member since May 2007
56662 posts

re: In this thread, let us de-construct the Hallmark movie
quote:

There's usually some sort of "meet cute" as well.


Fact.


Replies (0)
Replies (0)
20
ellunchboxo
New Orleans Saints Fan
Gtown
Member since Feb 2009
18312 posts
 Online 

re: In this thread, let us de-construct the Hallmark movie
My wife will not let me watch them with her anymore. I Mystery Science 3000 the shite out of them and it annoys her something fierce.


TomRollTideRitter
Alabama Fan
Member since Aug 2016
11876 posts

re: In this thread, let us de-construct the Hallmark movie
quote:

3. One suitor must be conventionally attractive, rich, talented, etc. but otherwise "boring" or mean 4. The competing suitor must not be obviously wealthy or traditionally attractive (i.e. long hair, non-traditional job); however, he MUST secretly possess or be an heir to vast acreage of land, a castle, royalty, family trust fund, or other wealth. (The protagonist can not KNOW this, however, so that her worthiness can be established.)


Seems like most I have to watch only have one suitor, and the dilemma is between a job and love or balancing family and love or some other trope.

quote:

6. Overbearing mother


Don’t agree with this one either. A lot of Hallmark films promote family values. I’m very close to my family, so maybe my gf knows I’d bitch if she put on one with different themes.


shutterspeed
LSU Fan
MS Gulf Coast
Member since May 2007
56662 posts

re: In this thread, let us de-construct the Hallmark movie
quote:

My wife will not let me watch them with her anymore. I Mystery Science 3000 the shite out of them and it annoys her something fierce.


I've definintely been given notice doing the same.


Replies (0)
Replies (0)
50
TigerinATL
New Orleans Pelicans Fan
Member since Feb 2005
59336 posts

re: In this thread, let us de-construct the Hallmark movie
There is often a grandfatherly figure that also plays Santa at the town Christmas celebration. Right in the middle of the big fight these new couples have, he usually has the right words to push them back together. His coincidental timing and apparent puppet mastering from afar make you wonder if he is indeed THE Santa.


Replies (0)
Replies (0)
120
jatilen
Member since May 2020
11222 posts

re: In this thread, let us de-construct the Hallmark movie
8. They have a dead mother or father.


Replies (0)
Replies (0)
60
WestCoastAg
Los Angeles Dodgers Fan
Member since Oct 2012
139753 posts

re: In this thread, let us de-construct the Hallmark movie
This post was edited on 11/27 at 8:57 pm


Methuselah
LSU Fan
On da Riva
Member since Jan 2005
23022 posts

re: In this thread, let us de-construct the Hallmark movie
quote:

TomRollTideRitter


I kinda agree with your takes. OP hit some of the beats but missed on some.

Sometimes there is another suitor that is thrown over (or throws over the leading lady).

Both the leading lady and the new love interest tend to be typical Hollywood good looking types.

Moms and dads usually are supportive and give advice to "follow your heart"

Protagonist (usually the leading lady, but sometimes the guy) falls in love with a quaint small town and finds their true self via the genuine townsfolk. And usually Christmas.

Minorities are generally cast as the boss and/or best friend of the protagonist. They also tend to give helpful advice to "follow your heart"


GetBackToWork
LSU Fan
Member since Dec 2007
5979 posts

re: In this thread, let us de-construct the Hallmark movie
There can also be a cliff hanger element.

The quaint town/farm/undeveloped land/charming small business might be bought up by a developer or investor who will make everything terrible. This often plays into the “true sprit of Christmas” theme as it is saved and everyone rejoices.

There is often city vs rural theme

The protagonist discovers their true calling in life, like being a candlestick maker rather than an accountant.

Protagonist sheds glasses, suits, and business hairstyle for flowing hair let down and blue jeans. .


Replies (0)
Replies (0)
30
mizzoubuckeyeiowa
Member since Nov 2015
32330 posts

re: In this thread, let us de-construct the Hallmark movie


That last column, is usually all rolled into one.

Sensitive country guy, who was an old flame in High School, who has a dog, and single Dad with a precocious little girl and it's Christmas.

That's every dude in Hallmark movies.


Replies (0)
Replies (0)
50
first pageprev pagePage 1 of 3next pagelast page

Back to top

logoFollow TigerDroppings for LSU Football News
Follow us on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram to get the latest updates on LSU Football and Recruiting.

FacebookTwitterInstagram