First off, I have to say that I absolutely love Disney+. Having a 2.5 year old has given me a great sense of pride in being able to show off to him the movies I grew up with and rewatching them through his eyes. A few weeks ago we tried to introduce him to The Little Mermaid as it is one of my favorites. He loves Moana and he loves to sing Under the Sea (aka “other crab”), so we figure the movie isn’t too far off base. He enjoyed it and sat through it over the course of two nights.

Secondly, I will have to spark the debate. The Little Mermaid has the best top to bottom soundtrack of any of the Disney movies. Yes, even over The Lion King. It also has the single best song in the Disney arsenal. Kiss the Girl is the GOAT. I don’t care what the MTV board tournament says as they are incorrect. Kiss the Girl is the perfectly orchestrated song with great lyrics and vocals. It slowly builds to the crescendo in the lagoon, and if you can resist the urge to sing they you have killed your inner child. Other than that though, the rest of the catalogue is fantastic. Under the Sea, Poor Unfortunate Soul, Part of your world, even the fun little French Chef song, excellent. Nothing else compares. Fire away

Anyway, I probably hadn’t seen the movie in a solid 10-15 years and I definitely picked up on some things, great and awful, about the movie that I had never either noticed or cared about in the past.

First, was there no outrage when this came out about the pedophilia aspect of it? The entire movie is about lusting over a 16 year old. A YOUNG 16 year old. Remember, the opening aria was meant to be for Ariel on her 16th birthday. The next day, she is naked on the beach… 3 days later, she is married to Prince Eric. That totally would not fly today, right?

Secondly, I do not understand why the inability to speak is such a humongous barrier. I asked out loud while watching the initial meeting of Ariel and Eric on the beach, “why doesn’t she just get down and write her name in the sand?” My wife, overhearing me, says, “maybe she can’t write.” Total bullshite. She signed her damn name on the contract with Ursula.

It just seems like that shouldn’t have been as big of a deal as they were trying to make it.

I’m also not trying to be an SJW, but it does seem that the only reason Eric kept Ariel around the castle was because she was a looker. He was searching for his dream girl savior when he found Ariel on the beach. She couldn’t speak and thus was “clearly” not his savior. He brought her to the castle anyway as she appeared to be shipwrecked. However, during the dinner when this loony bitch started combing her hair with a fork, he would have cut ties right there. Had she been ugly he wouldn’t have invited her to tour his kingdom the following day. It really sends a poor message to young women about their worth.

I did notice something that I had never seen before. Even after the dinner scene where she is brushing her hair with the dinglehopper, they show her using it to brush her hair every other time they show her doing so; while Eric is watching her from the castle grounds where he hears Ursula singing and when she is brushing her hair before bed. They even focus on the desk when she puts the fork down directly next to a brush in that scene.

It’s great

I do love the fact that they were able to use racial stereotypes freely back even 30 short years ago. They are largely embraced in Under the Sea. My personal favorite is “the blackfish she sing”, portrayed as Donna Summer with a deep raspy voice and background singers.

I did have to show my wife the original hidden sex symbols (dick on the box/priest boner) on the internet as they have been scrubbed from the Disney+ version. She had never seen them before and had a good laugh.

I do love the scene where the ocean animals all rally together to stop the wedding of hypnotized Eric to Ursula in disguise. Mayhem ensues, the shell breaks and Ariel gets her voice back just as the sun sets and everyone goes back to normal. I wish they would show the wedding guests 15 seconds after everything settles down where one of the patrons says, “What just happened? Was she a talking octopus?”

There is also an inconsistency in the killing of Ursula scene. She creates the maelstrom in the ocean which raises all the sunken sailboats. Eric climbs aboard and steers the broken mast directly through the sea witch. The problem? He steers the tiller to the left and the boat goes left. In sailing, you steer the tiller the opposite direction

Anyway, I know this is rather disjointed and long, but it is fun for a Friday. I can’t wait to go through the rest of the Disney movies I haven’t seen in 20 years with my son and see what else I pick up on.