Greatest TV sidekicks

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Festus Metaphors

Safer than chitlins on a city folk's supper plate.
Hotter than a jug full of red ants.
If that don't put a clod in your shoe.
You couldn't burst a bird's egg with a ball-peen hammer.
This here [stew] will grow hair on your elbows.
[It's] hot enough to fry a horseshoe.
Tighter than the feathers on a prairie chicken's rump.
The onliest thing you get from stradlin' the fence is a sore backside.
I'll get after you like thunder after lightnin'.
How'd you like to be gatherin' eggs and find her nest?
Fine as frogs hair.
Naked as a plucked prairie chicken.
Bleedin' like a stuck hog.
He ain't got the gumption to pound sand down a rat hole.
I thumped him 'till his ears rang like the liberty bell.
Crookeder than a dog's hind leg.
Hold `yer taters.
[He's] got more friends than a dog's got hairs on his back.
Sit there like a boll weevil on a corn cob.
[He] draws trouble like a summer melon draws flies.
[I] feel better than a barn rooster on a prime hoot.
Quiet as a mouse tip toeing.
Quiet as on cotton on cottontail.
I'll get onto you like ugly on an ape.
Hoppin' around like a flea on a hot skillet.
You look like a sunfish who flopped.
When you learn a thing a day you store up smart.
That don't hurt a particle.
If you don't call, then you don't see the hand.
I made a bigger mess than a sow's bed.
Ain't you startin' to itch before you git bit?
He can't see past the brim of his hat.
Pooch up like an old toad.
Rougher than a wagon full of cobs.
No more chance than a grass hopper in a hen house.
Flatter than a snake through a ringer.
I loved that boy like a June morning.
Quieter than a gagged gopher.
Sincere as a $5 funeral.
Show 'em how the cow eat the cabbage.

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Festus's Thesaurus

the slovering droops -a cattle disease
old scutter -old man
featherfoot - sneak
slackjaw - talk
tater trap - mouth
quack - quack - doctor
looksome - handsome
nub - central point
amble - walk
palaver - talk
soulsome - spiritual
glom - grab
spell - relieve from duty
squeemy - overly sensitive
a passel - a lot
a poke - a bag
grump head - ill tempered
bent ear - listen
twistee - tornado
howdyin' - introducing
pooch - puff up
whomp - to hit
slippery gee-jaw - lie
s**** - snicker
goosler - your throat
palotsome - delicious
complexicated - complex
wobble water - ``whisky
there's a pot a brewin' - trouble

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